SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

last year i made a drunken mistake. i am openly gay (among my friends anyways). my best friend's boyfriend of five years had been calling me in the middle of the night for a year leading up to that night. he pulled me aside at a party and wanted to confide something in me. i was really hammered. i was shocked, but then not so shocked when he told me he is secretly bisexual. he told me all kinds of fanciful things about how he was attracted to me, etc..and wanted to "experiment". in the greatest moral failure of my life, i was seduced by him. we wound up having sex at his house later that night. i made two more mistakes with him while he and my best friend were in the process of breaking up for other reasons. i continue to have a great relationship with my best friend, and the "fling", "affair", whatever you wanna call it is OVER, and has been over for almost a year. just a couple weeks ago, it was discovered by my best friend that her now ex-bf was involved with her cousin. i sat through two hours of hearing this cousin berated and humiliated by my best friend and our mutual friends. i cant imagine how mad she'd be at me if she found out. i'm dealing with guilt here. i just want to hear encouraging words from people who have been in similar situations. i will really appreciate it

Since you posted here in Wayward I'm assuming that you were also involved with someone during this "mistake". If that's the case then I'll give you the same advice that has been given to a lot of new WSs: Confess. Right now.

I know that knowing what this cousin of your best friend went through regarding her involvement will deter you but keeping this secret will only harm you. It will eat at you because keeping such a secret is toxic.

If you voluntarily confess to your partner and your best friend that, believe it or not will actually help. Yes, they'll be pissed to high heaven but what else would you expect? You lied to them. But once their anger fades, they WILL remember that you came to them and confessed. They didn't get blindsided by a third party.

It's good that the affair is over. Now to make doubly damn sure it STAYS over, never, ever have contact with this person again. It's what we here at SI call No Contact. (NC).

There are other things you can do but I really don't want this post turning into a book.

You'll get plenty of good advice here. And don't be afraid to ask advice of the BSs here as well. It's their insight and advice that has helped me the most by helping me understand my Hs point of view and what he was feeling at the time.

Oh, and as far as you being gay? No one will really care. You're a human being first. One that is scared to reveal what he's done because of the pain he would inflict.

It takes courage to admit you made a mistake, drunken or otherwise, especially when admitting it will cause pain to someone you care about.

So ask yourself this question: do you have the courage?

I personally think you do. Because you posted here.

[This message edited by Clarrissa at 8:18 PM, September 5th (Sunday)]

[This message edited by Never_Again at 10:02 PM, September 5th (Sunday)]

[This message edited by Never_Again at 10:02 PM, September 5th (Sunday)]

Do you think she'll still want to be your friend after she finds out?

Do you feel like you're a real friend to her anyway?

You should tell her now.