SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Wh is grumbling about losing half his income to me and the kids. "The guy always has to pay..."

It was his choice to have numerous affairs, and his choice to NOT R. He said there is no chance of R.

I am a SAHM, no college, never worked fulltime. 16 years of marriage.

We have a baby at home and 2 school aged children that have never had a sitter, let alone been to daycare. This is what he(AND I) wanted for them. To have Mom at home full-time with them.

We have one vehicle. We have a small, but nicely decorated (by me sewing, crafting & redoing thrift store items) home. Everything was set up for a one-income, stay at home mom family.

So, just because he doesn't want to live with any boundaries or care for anyone but himself, NOW he's upset because he will have to support us in the same way even once he's gone?

I truly wish I could understand how a father wouldn't want his children to have what is best for them...to have what they are used to having.

Before he wanted to run off with AP, he wanted a safe, loving home with Mommy at home fulltime. Now, he doesn't care where we end up living and doesn't think he should have to support us.

[This message edited by lovemyfamily75 at 7:33 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

Yeah, they go from "this is best for the kids" to "the kids will adjust" in record time. I want to punch them. A lot.

Yeah, next you'll hear Kids Are Resilient.

Which they are, but be that as it may they still won't grow up to be the same people they would if they had two good parents and a stable home.

They just won't.

If I hear "DD will be fine." or "She'll get used to it." or "She would want me to be in home where there is love." I will f-ing tear XH's head off!

It's all bullsh*t. They have to play the victim.

You and your children deserve to be supported. Don't ever forget that.

And don't forget the famous "the kids are only upset because you are. If you didn't twist everything, they would actually be HAPPY how things worked out because they would REALLY LIKE the OW because she is such a nice person! So its all YOUR FAULT!"

Fucking idiots.

[This message edited by sammie at 8:11 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

Wait - is this the same guy that is being treated for PTSD?

He does? poor little muffin....

cry me a fucking river...

Wonder if he was thinking about how much this was going to cost him as he was fucking the OW?

Since you've been a SAHM, GO BACK TO SCHOOL!! get a great education so that you can support yourself and your babies!

Mellowmood,

Yep. This is the guy that hasn't seen me or his children in over a year. He has a baby he doesn't know, AT ALL. (Born once he was gone.)

I realize that much of what he is saying, he is able to say it simply BECAUSE he hasn't seen these children (or me) in so long, but it's still tough to swallow.

It's like he completely FORGOT how proud he was of me as a stay at home mother and the life we have for our children.

This is also the same guy that had OC with a coworker 6 years ago. Paid CS for FIVE YEARS (until OC adopted by new husband) went 30K in the hole paying that support and STILL cheated again.

He HAS paid CS before, so yes. You'd think he would remember it was over 600 bucks a month for ONE CHILD.

GRRRRR

KLinNOCA,

I absolutely plan to go to school. Most Pre-reqs are available online so I can still be home with the baby, and then once preschool starts, I can go during the day.

One thing at a time....for now, my goals are smaller....keeping things "normal" for my kids, working with attorney to see what will happen next, going to IC, going to local BAN support group...

I am doing many practical things, such as a new checking account for me only so that I know bills will get paid, etc...

My fWH actually told my 10yr old tonight that this was for the best because he (fWH) would be happier, and that would make him a better and happier Dad. Shockingly, it did not make DS feel better.

Even worse was that fWH did not get why I was absolutely livid he said that. I tried to explain that it was like invalidating DS's grief, that he is selfishly saying HIS happiness is more important than DS wanting him in the house.

I am so angry, and I am just beginning this process. I am just so angry.

I hear you... mine went as far as to quit his job to avoid CS.

I'm fortunate in that I have a FT job with much juggling pays the bills, albeit barely... I was also a SAHM with a (preemie) baby after the first A years ago (he left but came back - lucky me) and remember how scary it was.

Men like this deserve to be hung in the town square by their so-called balls. At noon. Snacks and beverages to be served after.

(((((love)))))

[This message edited by wildbananas at 11:14 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

Before he wanted to run off with AP, he wanted a safe, loving home with Mommy at home fulltime. Now, he doesn't care where we end up living and doesn't think he should have to support us.

Ditto.

My STBX is getting the house back b/c it was his before we met.

He would like me out ASAP please, so he can move on with his new fabulous life.

I don't have a job, am mourning my leaving SAHM status, am mourning the death of the marriage I thought I had, am mourning the end of a nuclear family for BD4, and I have no where to move to.

Yet he still asked for 2 weeks from now for me to be OUT.

Really?

Where should I go or do you really not care what neighborhood or school district your 4 yr old ends up in?

I am so ill over what he's done to us I can't stand it.

Struggling to apply to job after job - having interviews and more rejection.

Fan-f-ing-tastic life I've ended up in right now.

And he would just like me to go away quietly so he can f*ck another man's wife.

Sorry for the language. I'm swearing like a trucker today (no offense to truckers intended.)

OK, read all of the posts on this thread and I'm totally getting it.

I thought because I had 34 years with this doofus I would be treated SOOOOO well in the aftermath. After all, we built this life together, I raised the kids and worked at the same time while he traveled away, I scrimped, saved and was congratulated on my thrifty nature.

I'm so naive!! He told me last month that because of his income he can refi our house, buy me out and I can get a little house nearby so that when he is gone on his trips, he can drop off the dogs (which he thinks he's entitled to) and I can take the cats.

Thank you so much, you insane, shit eating bastard!!

He said it so matter of factly that I am 100% certain that he's quite far gone in: 1) his alcoholism 2) his new identity (new first name) 3) his fantasy world of him and whore living life to the fullest without the awful wife demanding to know where all the money is going and why he never was home.

I worked through most of the marriage and sacrificed so much and now he thinks that he owns everything and will be nice and give me a little.

What a shit heel!

"The guy always has to pay..."

That's if you're only talking monetarily.

It's usually the BWs and the children who have to pay in a big change in their lifestyle that they didn't have a choice about. They have to pay by no longer feeling emotionally secure in their world, their familial unit that *should* have been a rock.

Ditto for BHs- they have to pay fiscally usually as well as being less likely to have custody of the kids when it was the WW that ran off and ripped the family apart.

There are more ways to pay than with money and if he thinks that writing a check is hard, he should try being rejected and left behind in the wreckage that was once an intact family and now must struggle to function with a limb missing.

Since you've been a SAHM, GO BACK TO SCHOOL!! get a great education so that you can support yourself and your babies!

I totally agree as working has been a great thing for me however make sure in your agreement, that alimony and child support are non-modifiable. Regardless of whether you go back to work or not, he should not benefit from that. Just my 2 cents...

"How come I always have to be the one to take out the garbage, Dad!"

"But I don't wanna clean up my room!"

"Can't I watch TV instead of doing my homework!?"

Why do I have to pay child support! All my friends have whores! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Fuck him. Price he pays for screwing around.

It's usually the BWs and the children who have to pay in a big change in their lifestyle that they didn't have a choice about. They have to pay by no longer feeling emotionally secure in their world, their familial unit that *should* have been a rock.

Oh my this is so true.

My ex was in the military, he is very bitter about the retirement I receive. (Hey I didn't make the law) He has also taken me to court, to have it lowered..(he lost). Honestly I believe that they are truly angry at themselves.

I too have heard the kids will adjust...guess what, they don't adjust. Their decisions to divorce change the kids dynamics forever. Even though their daily lives "adjust" they still have to do things differently. My kids are struggling with deciding on where they should go to college and where to live after. They now have to "choose" whether to live closer to their dad or their mom. After they marry, they will not only have their spouses side of the family to visit, they will have to make two extra visits to mom and then go to dads.

Ya know, they only have to "pay" till the kids are 18, but honestly it's the kids that pay the price forever. The spouse who screws around makes the "choice" to affect everyones' lives forever. All so "they" can be happier

I often wish I wouldn't have been so kind in the divorce, I wish I would have made him "Pay" more. It wouldn't have helped really, the damage is still done.

So tell him it isn't always the "guy" that has to pay...it truly is the kids that pay the real price.

There are more ways to pay than with money and if he thinks that writing a check is hard, he should try being rejected and left behind in the wreckage that was once an intact family and now must struggle to function with a limb missing.

Yeah, but the missing limb removed from me was gangrene and foul and sure to kill me if it wasn't cut off.

Hell, it already poisoned my bloodstream.

I'd rather be missing a limb and healthy that dragging a dead leg, slowly killing me.

And yeah, Rat Bastard is whining about CS and alimony too.

I guess that phantom limb is always going be a pain in the ass.