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XH is spending money like crazy and is now trying to get out settlement agreement modified. Best I can figure, he is spending, on average, at least 2.5 TIMES his monthly budgeted amount! This is the budget that HE put together for himself in October.

He's financed his spending so far through a 401K distribution he took as well as a bonus he received. Evidently that money is now all gone!

How will a judge look at this? How do I present the data? I'm worried that the judge will say "oh yes, XH, clearly your expenses are MUCH more than you anticipated. Therefore, MBM, who's been fiscally responsible and is NOT in dire straights, can bail you out with a modification to your settlement agreement."

Is there really a chance I'll get screwed for NOT spending money like water???

PLEASE HELP!

I'm not a lawyer but feel pretty certain a judge would tell your X to go suck raw eggs

His income hasn't changed, his spending has

That's not grounds for reducing what he pays you in an agreement that isn't even a year old IMHO

I know that it's not grounds but can't the judge do whatever he want?

Isn't there a chance he'll take a look at the settlement agreement and decide to modify it? Can he legally?

I can't stop obsessing about this! I don't know how I am going to make it til the hearing date!

I don't think he can. Not positive though.

Xwh bought ow a 3 karat diamond ring with no job and bunch of other high end stuff. This bothered me constantly given his history with money. He came into the marriage financially irresponsible and in a big mess with collection agencies. I helped him clean it up.

Anyway my point being, trust it will work out. IT really sucks worrying. I know how you feel.

willgetby - Unfortunately I'm not much for "trust it will work out". I am much more active and involved than that. In fact I guess I have to admit that I really am a type A personality.

Waiting and wondering SUCKS!

I'm not a lawyer, but I don't think that "I have expensive taste and can't live within my means" counts as a valid change of circumstances.

If you are that concerned, talk to your lawyer.

Overspending by 2.5x? What the hell is he spending it on?

My sisters ex got his child support reduced after the final D. My sister was devastated. She couldn't make ends meet as it was. But her ex was fired from his job and the judge agreed he could not pay what was finalized in the D settlement. It did not matter that my sister had financial records detailing how much she needed for 3 kids. The ex is a real FT. He does lots of under the table work. He just didn't want to pay what he was told. If he's in such dire straights how come he's buying flat screen tvs, and iphones (3 for him and 2 of the kids, etc). But since it's $$ under the table, the judge didn't see it.

I don't want to scare you -- every case is different. My sister's lawyer also turned out to be a complete waste!

The judge will want to see all financial records. It will be easy to see that your ex is over spending on luxury items and not just in dire straights. If you have access to all of his financials, or some of it, make sure you keep it for a lawyer. Have you talked to your lawyer yet?

Yes, I have talked to my lawyer and she says that since he hasn't shown a change in circumstances (eg. loss of job or reduction in pay) then it shouldn't even be considered.

The problem that I have is with the word "shouldn't".

Mixedupmess - what is he spending the money on? Well, everything in general (household, clothes, electronics, restaurants, etc.) but the highlights would be, I'm sure, the 3 expensive vacations so far in 2010 (one was his honeymoon in Vegas!) and some jewelry purchases, including, presumably, an engagement ring. (Isn't that why a lot of couples wait to get married? They spread the expenses out? XH got engaged on Feb 14 and got married on May 1!)

Basically, it appears he's making no effort to stick to a budget AND it appears that his new wife isn't contributing a dine to the household expenses or trying to control his spending.

My attorney told me that "inflow" is considered; "outflow" is generally not. Therefore, his financial responsibility to you is based on his income and poor planning on his part does not mean an automatic adjustment.

Has he actually filed to modify the settlement? Or is he just blowing smoke. In most states, unless there is a change in circumstances, you have to wait much longer for a modification.

Cat

Was the 401k distribution he took his according to the settlement agreement? If not half of what he took could be considered yours.

Yes, each state will have a time limit on when he can file for a modification - your L will know what this.

But you should ask your L what can happen should he lie on his financials and provide false or incomplete statements to court.

Since mine did that often, we eventually got ahead of the game by subpoenaing (is that a word?) his places of employment and those that he worked for under the table. It helped as all of those places were honest and forthcoming with documentation - yet he still filed a false financial. I should have had an increase in support but managed to stop a decrease in support (it felt like the judge took the safe way out and never said a direct word about the lies), however I had to very carefully calculate the cost benefit ratio as this was very expensive (paying L). If he tries to modify again, I'm screwed b/c I'm past the point where it's worth it to shell out money (I don't have) to fight it. I will just have to figure out how we do without. Fortunately, he hasn't figured this out yet.

It's only a matter of time. I hope that it goes well for you.

Cat - yes, he actually filed the motion to modify. He hasn't communicated with me about it in any way whatsoever. It just showed up at the lawyer's office via the mail.

I am trying to get in to talk to my lawyer about it but cringe at the thought of the cost. When I spoke to her initially she said that she thought we should just file a motion to dismiss because he hadn't shown a change in circumstances. I guess I'm thinking that that almost seems too easy and that the judge may decide to hear arguements anyway.

Nothistime - the 401K distribution he took was AFTER we had split the account according to the settlement agreement. Unfortunately, I don't know how much he took out but based on his spending and income for the last 10 months I have to figure that it was at least $50K.

If it was $50K then he has money left and it is therefore something he didn't disclose on his financial affidavit.