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Newest Member: HanginbyAthread

Reconciliation :
To file or not to file? fws welcome

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 PDOFF! (original poster member #28079) posted at 12:11 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

I woke this morning to the mind movie of the original dday, followed by ws walking out. I dream about the A most nights. I just can't see how I'm ever going to get through this, how I'm ever going to be able to trust him again, how I'm ever going to enjoy his touch without thinking wherelse he's been.

When I originally found out about his A I took legal advice. I seem to recall something about having to file within 6mths of dday if you're going to cite adultery. Plus, if this marriage doesn't make it past the A then I want the AP named. It would then be liable for half tbd court costs. Plus I want them

BOTH named for what they did.

So two problems that I need the collective SI brainpower on:

1) To file or not to file? Six months is nearly up!

2) How to move forward with R? In many ways WS has changed his behaviours and he mostly 'gets it' - BUT apparently he doesn't need IC to find out the WHY, as he was just miserable! And he JUST KNOWS that he couldn't do it again.

And he doesn't need to have an STD test as IT told him she'd had one recently as was clear!!!!

He is reluctantly going for an STD tomorrow and making an IC appointment, 'not because he needs to, but because I'm making him'

I really do wonder why I'm bothering. Maybe I'm just better calling it quits?

Your thoughts, as ever, would be most appreciated.

BS - me 37 WH- 41
PA 9th may 09 -1st april 10
Married 19yrs together 21
Ds -4 Dd -2
D-Day #1 26th July 2009
D-Day #2 30th September 2009 same ow
D-Day #3 1st April 2010 same
"Love grows where trust is laid & love dies where trust is betr

posts: 666   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2010   ·   location: UK
id 4789491
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thisisawful ( new member #29154) posted at 12:36 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Well, as for the legal aspect, I can tell you that spending one night together or having sex one time after D-day gives up adultery in SC. They consider that "legal condonation". I don't know what your state law may say. Get legal advice right away, your options may not be what you think. Filing is costly since you have to pay for the attorney and then he'll get one to defend and soon you're down 10-20k. Seriously.

posts: 43   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2010
id 4789530
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 PDOFF! (original poster member #28079) posted at 10:33 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

He's gone to the STD clinic this morning. Well, that's where he's supposed to have gone.

WS is your typical anxious/avoidant personality. Very head in the sand in the hope that it will all just go away. I'm hoping going to the clinic and seeing an IC specialising in adultery will make it 'real' for him. BUT I was kinda hoping he'd want to do it for himself :s

I woke this morning, glad that he was still here, so I suppose there's hope for us yet. I just wish he'd 'get it' :(

BS - me 37 WH- 41
PA 9th may 09 -1st april 10
Married 19yrs together 21
Ds -4 Dd -2
D-Day #1 26th July 2009
D-Day #2 30th September 2009 same ow
D-Day #3 1st April 2010 same
"Love grows where trust is laid & love dies where trust is betr

posts: 666   ·   registered: Mar. 29th, 2010   ·   location: UK
id 4790306
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ImNellNow ( member #28753) posted at 4:38 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

PDOFF,

I'm glad you woke up glad he's there. That's positive!

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Jun. 9th, 2010   ·   location: Baby steps on my new path
id 4790847
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