Warning -- this is long
This post is more of a "ah shit post". I don't need advise what to do -- I know I need to stay out of it. But it still hurts!!
While I was checking up on DD's email I also checked her FB. She knows I do this occasionally. There has never been an issue. There is not really an issue now except that now I KNOW of a problem in her social life that I just suspected before.
We live in a small neighborhood, only 70 houses. I have never been a social butterfly, but I know the neighbors some. When X left I became somewhat of a recluse. I am one of only a handful of working mothers, which always made me an oddity and an outsider. And THEN my X left me and I was one of only TWO single mothers-- GASP!!! I was really treated as an outsider then -- almost a pariah. But that is ME. DD is separate from me and has always maintained her relationships in the neighborhood.
The first year she had 2 very good friends that she spent a lot of time with. That was 4th grade. Unfortunately they moved after 4th grade. Another girl (S) that she knew moved next door at the same time her 2 friends move away. DD knew her but was not friends. However after S moved in she and DD did become friends and they spent a lot of time together. They were not best friends, but they were friends. 5th grade was good all around. DD spent a lot of time with all the kids in the neighborhood.
However, I got the vibe that *I* was not well liked (this was after X left). DD became a "latchkey" kid that year and spend a couple of hours alone after school 3-4 days a week. Apparently, this made me a bad mother.
Regardless, DD remained friends with S thru 6th grade and they often played together. S was not allowed to spend the night with DD or really allowed over at my house. Whatever.
In 7th grade I noticed that the friendship had cooled considerably. This happens. But S still came to DD's bday party last April. And DD often went over to S's house before school and they would walk to the bus together and home together. This summer, DD spend 0 time with S. They live next door. We can hear them when they have friends over. The same friends that DD hangs with. DD was not invited.
Fast forward to now...
S does not like DD, apparently. S has been hanging with other kids in the neighborhood and talking smack about DD. Kids whose parents shun me because I work full time. Today DD heard S talking smack about her on the bus. I saw the FB exchange. S claims she did not know DD rode the bus (WTF??) and says that DD is talking crap and turning friends against her.
Wow. S has a lot of social power. Further, her mother has even MORE social power. I have seen the mother use it. I don;t care. But...well now I think S's mother (and her friends) have been talking smack about me which leads their "little darlings" to think badly about the family. I have seen that before in the neighborhood. And now DD is in the crossfire.
DD stood up for herself. She told S (on FB) that she heard what S had said to others and it was not nice and that she could freakin HEAR the parties that she was not invited to. That she is not deaf or dumb! (to paraphrase)
I know this is a battle that DD has to fight on her own. But still it hurts. I feel like I have contributed to this because I am not the social butterfly -- that I have not tried to compensate for the fact that I work FT by attending every party and hosting half of them. And worse, I know that by being a recluse I have fed the myth that *I* deserved this and *no wonder* X left me. And of course that it is contagious so don't even TRY to get close to me!!
ugh!!
I saw this coming. DD would be mortified if I said anything about it. I hurt for her and I wish it was not happening. And I wonder how many other friends DD will lose because S is being a hyped up clique. 
