SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh yes learning from others, it is funny I have had two of those slap me in the face the past month yet I was still letting my guard down once again yesterday.

First was a month ago when my DS#1 let out his anger and didn't accept his Dad's pitiful I'm sorries, he took them for what they were, lies. When his D pointed out how he had helped him, DS answered yes but only because of what you are doing. All of that hit me so clear then, why could I not see what DS was seeing. Then 2 weeks later I meet a woman in my hiking group who tells me her story and how this guy she had been invovled with after her H death had hit her in the middle of a fight and had been on drugs and drinking and actually had to go back to another state to serve some jail time.She was planning on meeting up with him over Labor Day for the first time in a year but was skeptical. As this well educated, beautiful, seemingly strong woman is telling me this I was saying to her, Oh you are worth so much more and it hit me then too how when I tell my story people think the same yet it is not that clear to me.

So I will take a bright red fire entinguisher please, I am going to put a "Smokey the Bear" sticker on mine so you will know it belongs to the woman who is one day going to work for the US Forest Service or the National Park System. How did she get into this new life, because her Rat Bastard husband cheated on her and she saw a new and better life and for that she will Thank Him!!!

Hopping on for a quick ride before the schoolbus comes and brings me: papers, papers, more papers, homework, dinner rush. :)

I am trying to accomplish something positive everyday. Today, I opened and funded a checking account of my own. Then I came home and cried.

I also emailed an attorney to set up a consultation. That was positive thing #2.

I started straightening the cave that is the boys' room. #3

I plan on walking at the track again tonight. #4.

This is the first time I've cried in awhile, but it felt good to release some stuff. It's not the same feeling of despair that I had a short month ago.

I can feel that I am stronger.

Eek helped me avoid breaking NC, which I described in another thread. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with a solution that didn't involve a discussion with WH. :)

lovemyfamily 75

It's OK to cry , we need to once and awhile this is something we never wanted why wouldn't be crying.

Love your postive plans though, sometimes if we write them down it just helps keep us on track...

Trainees: read LMF's post about feelings vs. fact. I'm posting it on the bulletin board on our train.

What happened to dinner? Where is everyone?? I have no time, got a Puppet Show meeting. Wait until you see it performed!!! Actually, puppets and clowns scare the dickens out of me - unless I dress as one, or got the puppet on my hand. I perform with two puppets: grandpa, and...Terrible Tammy...

Anyway, dinner is breakfast.Cinnamon toast and scrambled eggs. Ice water. Hot tea with honey and lemon. And later, after I get back to the car of relaxation, crackers and cheese and, yes, wine! I made it thru two days of school!

It's cold. somdone start up the gas fireplace. And feed the farting dog, kitties wipers, and Eek. I've run out of time...

Spaghetti and broccoli for 5 and lemonade. For dessert cream cheese muffins that I made this morning as a direct result of TJ's baking-ish temptation.

Give me the recipe. NOW.

TJ

3 c. Pamela's baking mix.

3/4 c. sugar

1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese

2 eggs

1 c. milk

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1/2 c. butter, melted and cooled

Extra sugar for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease a large muffin tray. Sift dry ingredients and combine. In a blender combine the cream cheese and eggs, blend until smooth. Add milk, vanilla and melted butter and continue to work the batter until completely mixed. Pour liquid ingredients into the bowl of dry ingredients and mix with wooden spoon until they are completely combined.

Spoon batter into muffin cups piling batter up to the top. Sprinkle extra sugar on each one. Bake 25-30 minutes. Serve warm.

Please save me one of those muffins for breakfast in the morning to go along with my pot of coffee!

Brunswick Stew for dinner if eveybody would like, it's a Southern Thing but it should help warm up your belly there in the cools temps of NY. This is my favorite time of year up there, we will not see that here until Novemeber if then...

Brunswick Stew

drool.

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For tonight's entertainment I am dancing to I-tunes while making school lunches. You are invited to join my daughters in laughing at me.

sheeeessss I really am in the gutter... my dinner was a handful of nuts and another handful of potato chips(which I haven't had in 4 months). On the upside at least I can spell potato

Wishing I could be an active participant... just can't yet. I still check in from time to time

-ASG

jimmyl, you are a hoot and I am sure your daughters enjoy you, they will rememeber the fun times...

Brunswick Stew from my trip to GA to see my friends. It was something she got me started on and I have not had it in years, it is yummy, wish I could share since my sons want no part of it I have a ton to freeze.

ASG-what can we do to help, time for you to get out of this funk

(((dreamer)))) crying my eyes out right now...thinking about posting a thread but am hesitant... not sure where I am right now

post it here we are all here for you, it is better to get it out.

That was something my IC told me in the beginning, find a place in your house and that is the ONLY place you are allowed to cry. If you feel the urge you have to go there to do it and not wander around the entire house crying. Journal there do whatever you need to do but ONLY there. You know what, it helped, I would start to feel an urge to cry and then start to go to that place or chair and would think I don't have time for this right now.

So try that later but for right now we are here with the kitty wipes!!

So where am I? I read and comment on many of your posts. I am understanding though may not be able to relate to everything. Who am I? I’ll tell you….. WEAK.

I have no worries about lawyers (not legally married) , I have on worries about child support (no human children) , I have no worries about my home (House was purchased in my name alone, she has no rights) I don’t have to worry about NC (she has contacted me only once since 8/13 about a bill in her name she wanted me to split) Finances, no worries.. I’m in better shape now then ever. My word you all are dealing with so much,, I am not worthy.

Can I do this… YES, I have proven I can care for 4 dogs, 6 cats, 1 squirrel, not to mention the 5 feral cats living on our property that I have pain stakingly befriended so I can get them spayed/nueterd. Oh yes there’s the full time job (50+ hrs per week). Yeah I can do it. I am strong enough to do it.. absolutely… I have it all covered, every ‘T’ crossed every “I” dotted.

Still, knowing I CAN do it does not mean I WANT to do it. I don’t want to live alone… I don’t WANT to go bed without her. I don’t WANT to come to a house without her. I quite simply miss her. I don’t WANT to move on.. I do WANT her…. The 1 person in my life that I trusted, the 1 person I was sure would never hurt me. I built many, many walls to protect myself prior to meeting her. I live in a small town, hell in a small area where people ‘like’ me are not generally not accepted. I have been crushed. Can I recover, hell yeah, I’m strong enough, do I want to? Not so sure about that…. No worries, I have far too many responsibilties….. my furry kids , even the feral kids depend on me and I would never let them down, I would not you all down

I feel so stupid because most of you are dealing with so much more… thank you for listening. PS/// dreamer gave me permission to post here so I did not have to share my shame with the world….TY dreamer!!! Also, please forgive the spelling and grammar, I just happen to be quite lost now

PSS .. did not mean to take over the train, I do feel safe here

No, ASG, none of us deals with more than any other. It all comes down to the same desparation and loss, the grief of abandonment is no more or less strong because someone has kids, or no money, or is losing a house, etc., etc.

You, and none of us, are NOTA stupid or weak. We are feeling, loving human beings who just want to be loved back. To be able to trust.

We can trust here. Isn't that incredible? It continually amazes me.

I posted on the R forum, "Does this sound like a man who wants to R?" If any of you can take a few moments to read, please do.

I am SO freakin' confused. I feel this way every time Mr. Donkeynutts talks to me. Guess what??? At the firehouse meeting...only he showed up for the puppet meeting. WE MET TOGETHER. NO ONE ELSE.

Good grief. It was AWFUL. He started in on R, but was obviously agitated. In the end, he walked away, got in his car. He wants MC, but takes no action in any way. Even the exact same words, over and over. And over.

Eek, poor Eek, needs a helper. I am not successful with 180, with NC. When I see him at station, I act like an idiot. And am left feeling like I AM the idiot, not him, and should be doing what he says, questioning if I am asking for too much, if anyone should R with me as I AM the controlling person for whom nothing is good enough.

I hate feeling like this. I want to stay on this train forever, and never get off.

Jimmy: thanky you SO much for the recipe. I am going to get more Pamela's Baking Mix, and make these. Am adding blueberries too!!! even the name of the mix is significant.

What is Brunswick stew? Why is Jimmy drooling??? I'm hungry, but nothing appeals.

Help. I'm drowning in f-cking sorrow. This is a peace train. Wanna find the peace...

TJ

asg, I do not think your pain is any less than any of ours. Just because you weren't married, you don't have human kids, and you aren't fighting some financial battle, doesn't mean that you aren't hurting. The lawyer fights are just and extra pain in the ass ... but the REAL emotion, the real betrayal, loss, and deception, are all the same.

Infidelity ... It hurts like hell. It sucks. It is horrifying to watch your life (hopes and dreams) crumble right before your eyes and you have absolutely no control over any of it.

These feelings are all the same, no matter what your gender or what your situation. You are not weak because you don't have to deal with the pain in the ass extra stuff ... you are not weak at all. I have seen your strength in your posts.

We need you back, girl!!!

Jimmy,

We are celiacs here, too! Have you had much luck with the new GF bisquick? We like it a lot for pancakes, but I haven't tried it for muffins yet. (I use Pamelas for that.)