SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Our MC was very frank with FWH about our "anniversary." She told him it doesn't exist anymore.

This was immediately after a minor explosion I had in session about how FWH had obliterated that day for me. He had been complaining about me taking down pictures of our wedding day and refusing to watch the video with him. On D-day and subsequent TT days, he had lovingly described OW's appearance at our wedding and reception in such terms that it ripped my heart out. I had never heard him describe me that way on that day. He was still TTing when our anniversary came up (4 weeks after D-day), and I spent most of the day on the patio crying my eyes out.

That date is such a trigger for me that I'd probably shoot anyone who dared to give me a loving acknowledgment of it. MC said that it was probably best if we wiped the date off the books, redid the ceremony so that we could create some shared memory that both of us could enjoy, and just start over.

I can't imagin Hallmark would have a card that said, "Thank you for fucking up the day we made our vows. It will be a painful reminder of how you stomped on my love before spitting on it that I will treasure for the rest of my life."

Sorry for the rant... I'm in a mood today.

Blank cards or ones with a joke seem to be the type I gravitate to now. But on H's birthday (7 months after dday), I put together a beautiful scrapbook full of photos and mementos of our life together along with letters written by our kids, family and close friends sharing with H how much he means to them and the impact he has had on their lives. I asked everyone a couple of months prior to write H a letter telling him their favorite memory or anything else they wanted him to know. It was amazing what each person had to say about H and the effect he has had on their lives.

One thing I have learned from all of this pain is how insecure my H is and how he is always looking for approval. This gift was something I believe he needed to help open his eyes to what he already has and to help heal his heart and his spirit.

He was quite moved and cried when I gave it to him. It now sits on the table and he looks through it often. It is a gift he will always have.

I did not not write anything for the book. I told him that hopefully, someday, I will want my words in there too. Someday.......I hope.

I know this topic is almost a week old, but it took me that long to find the Hallmark card I gave WH for Father's Day. I was kind of proud of myself for finding it and he seemed "touched." But I found it among some old bills, not in his underwear drawer where he usually puts his "keepsakes." Here it is:

I wish we could get through this with just a kiss and a hug . I wish what we were going through was that simple. But we both know it's not.

This is going to take more than quick, little apologies. This is going to take listening, understanding and a whole lot of love. And that's okay. Because we can do all that. I know we can.

We've been in love along time. And once we get through this, I know we'll be loving each other for another long time to come.

(J. Gahr)

That's the type of card he'll be getting from me for a while.

UR_AN_IDIOT- My H got me that same card a month or so after DDay. I think it said everything that he could not.