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why2008 ( member #18378) posted at 5:09 AM on Saturday, February 5th, 2011
Sadly this is how a lot of women are socialized. Be the good wife. Keep the peace. Don't complain. Be supportive of your husband, he works hard. Give. Give give give give give, and keep your mouth shut.
This is the way my mother advised me to be with my H... until he cheated on me and chose whores over his own flesh and blood children.
Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7
ladyvorkosigan ( member #8283) posted at 10:38 AM on Saturday, February 5th, 2011
This is interesting.
I grew up in a time and place where by all rights I *should* have gotten that message. Instead, I cannot remember a single person my entire life ever asking me when I was getting married, advising me on what kind of wife to be, or otherwise communicating to me that as an adult marriage would be a chapter in my life, much less a goal or finish line. Nobody ever told me they *wouldn't*, but nobody ever told me they would, either.
Instead I was constantly asked about educational and career goals.
And my parents weren't sophisticated or anything. My mom just hated men. Her "never get married" rants were clearly insane ones so I ignored her. Instead I listened to messages from teachers, all of whom were obviously not going to talk to me about how to be wifely but about college and careers.
It nagged him, in particular, that none of the girls he’d known so far had given him a sense of unalloyed triumph.
realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 1:21 PM on Saturday, February 5th, 2011
Well one other possible dynamic is that one spouse is put in the "parent" role unbeknownst to them or I do believe even by the WS...the BS who has been put in the "parent" role for years and does everything yet does not get intimacy or understanding or help from their spouse finally one day will say NO MORE.
I do believe women are or were put in that role much more then men, not saying men don't go thru it too, just saying that women have had the brundt of taking care of the family for years, taking a lot of shit, taking care of everything...and one day just throws it up in the air and walks away. They can now because of more equality in the work place and the ability to make their own money. But it is still terribly sad when it happens.
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
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