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Before I really started dating, I was in several threesomes. The few times I've had a really "successful" one where everyone had fun was when I took control from the last disaster.

When I say control, this is what I mean: I sat down with the girl privately, and asked her was she was truly ok with. Did she want me for herself? As in, her guy not touch me/penetrate? Or was I going to be just a fun "toy" for them. I'm very glad I did. It set up clear boundaries, and it's very easy for me to say no to men, so when the guy was trying to pull something that his gf told me she did NOT want to happen, I quickly stopped it. Once we got past that it was fun.

The disaster was exactly that. No boundaries were set, it was with a couple who had been together for years. Afterwards, the bf tried to pursue me!! I was disgusted, I had to tell his gf because I felt so gross.

You have to have a HUGE amount of trust in each other to involve someone else and boundaries set, OR you have to have no emotional connection to either other person... that's really the best recipe for success. Otherwise, it is passive cheating.

That being said, I know that my current WBf *tried* to have a threesome that didn't work out at all. Fuck that! I told him I was willing to as long as we established a good foundation of trust based on my past experience. I still can't decide if him trying to have a threesome without me was a big enough deal breaker. He lost his damn chance!!

Playing with fire.

Well,in my case,it was another man. My husband had been wanting us to have a threesome with another man(a stranger) for years.It was his number one fantasy. I told him no,I was not interested in that. We had a great sex life(I thought,he agrees),and felt no need to include anyone else. H was the last man I ever intend to sleep with,and I was proud of that.

On d-day I found out he cheated on me...with a man. So,of course,now I believe he wanted to use me to fulfill his fantasy,and when I refused,he did it on his own.

I see nothing good that can come from having a threesome. I would never want to watch my husband with another person. Ever.

Confused:

All I have to say is:

Ho. Ly. Shit.

My wife and I did a wife-swapping relationship with a couple we were close friends with for over three years. In addition to straight-up wife swapping, we also did a lot of threesomes with either me, my wife, and the woman, or my wife, the woman, and her husband. We had a great time while it lasted. It worked because we were all on the same page - we all wanted to do it, and we were all secure enough in our relationships that we knew the other spouse wasn't going to fall in love with our spouse.

Only do if you are in a good place in your marriage, and make sure EVERYONE is on the same page. All three parties must be very mature about their understanding of the nature of the relationship.

Why does it always have to be another woman. Why not do a threesome and have him pick out a guy! So sick of Men thinking it is all about their needs

Entering into a threesome with a SO is very tricky. I have been in threesomes but never involving my wife. They included some FWB and even then things got a little sticky (no pun intended). I can imagine how complicated things could get when you involve your SO.

I think it is pretty gross and unattractively passive on the man's part.

My H used to ask for this all the time, I guess he and OW wanted me to join them. He still has the audacity to ask occasionally. My response is always the same - something along the lines of if you mean me and 2 guys I'm in.

I think it would be ok for people NOT in committed relationships or married. It's cheating with permission, IMO, and really pressing your luck. I know a few couples who tried this. Not one of them is married today.

DH and I are convinced that the other couple was trying for this. I was getting sexy text messages from OW's BS and told my FWH. What I didn't know was a few weeks later, FWH and her started talking.

Honestly, I think her BS would have been ok with the whole thing if he had gotten lucky with me in the process. But to find out that FWH and OW were without him pissed him off. Atleast that is how it seems now, looking back.

My wife and I used to do "fantasy threesome" talk as part of our "dirty sex talk" routine, but it was always with her caveat that "it's just talk, and I don't ever want this to be a reality. It would be horrible and degrading in reality."

On D-day, she confirmed for me that having a threesome during her A was, in fact, horrible and degrading. So I got the confirmation on that without having to have the lurid experience.

Yay, me, right?

At least I didn't have to be the poor guy getting his girlfriend and his girlfriend's hot friend for some NSA sex. Bullet dodged.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 4:02 PM, March 28th (Monday)]

Story to tell-was it ever you, the other H, and one of the wives? And if no-why?

I skipped all responses to give my honest opinion. Threesomes should be left in fantasies if you are a committed couple. Fanatasizing and talking is one thing. Sounds exciting, tempting....but at the end of the evening....Never an experience I want IRL. Prince said it best. Pretty sure he has had much experience and probably knows what he's talking about.

I thought this was rather funny:

Notice how the men always want the 3rd to be a woman? What if it was another man? Would they be as into it?

Personally: I'd consider threesomes to be cheating.

Before WH's A I was open to this and even suggested it a few times to him. I'm extremely open minded and wanted to try both ways of threesomes. He actually shut down the conversation anytime I tried to bring it up. Said it wasn't going to happen cause he had no interests whatsoever.

After WH's A, it will NEVER happen or even be brought up.

As for what others want to do in their lives. More power to them as long as all involved agree to all the rules and boundaries. It should be set up and thoroughly discussed before the act.

I do know some who have done it and it worked out fine and I know others it hasn't and lead to some huge issues all around. But I think for the ones it worked for had set it up and kept to the rules and boundaries.

Why does it always have to be another woman. Why not do a threesome and have him pick out a guy! So sick of Men thinking it is all about their needs

I think it has a lot to do with homosexual tendencies. If a man has these tendencies, he would be more into having another man in the threesome. But men who are very straight would be repulsed by the thought.

I assume the same is true for women.

I'd also add that if both partners are into the idea, they're both fulfilling their "needs." If one partner is doing it only as a favor, well, that's different.

In any case, I think most often a threesome would spell nothing but trouble.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 9:58 PM, March 28th (Monday)]

That's why I ask-there seems to be men who think all women have bisexual tendancies and expect them to have a 3some with another woman-but would NEVER have 1 with another man

trumanshow, check out the PM I sent you.

One of the reasons a MFF threesome is so popular with guys is that guys often fantasize about two girls together. That's why lesbian sex in the world of pornography is so popular. Remember that guys are very visual creatures. So getting to watch that up close and even participate is very thrilling. Also, of course, is the ego-stroking that comes with having two girls playing with you, too.

And also, a lot of guys, who may not be totally opposed to the idea of playing around with another guy, are probably afraid that they will be perceived as somewhat "gay", which may or may be the case, but they may view that as less acceptable in society's view. I'm not saying that's necessarily true, but that's their perception.

yeah that's what I think. I remember this MTV show-Loveline-there were a lot of guys that didn't seem to understand why their GF didn't want a 3some with a girl but I bet those guys would run screaming for the hills if she wanted to bring another male in