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vulnerable (original poster new member #32658) posted at 1:55 PM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
Hi everyone,
I hope this an appropriate part of the forum for this question. I love reading, and I often find that books can help me through hard times.
Can anyone recommend a good book to read? Dday was only a few weeks ago, I'm the BS. I'm a Christian, and so probably something from that perspective would be most helpful. I saw on this website that some people didn't recommend Torn Asunder.
Any suggestions?
Thanks
Me: 26 BS
Him: 26 WS
Dday: 21/06/11
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 5:44 PM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
Although "Not Just Friends" doesn't come from a Christian perspective, there's nothing objectionable in it and it is the most comprehensive, practical and well-reasoned book about infidelity on the market. I would highly recommend it.
A good book that is a general-purpose guide to a healthy M is "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud and Townsend. This one is a Christian-based marriage guide. It does discuss infidelity, but it doesn't provide the same roadmap for healing that "Not Just Friends" gives.
"How Can I Forgive You?" by Janis Abrams Spring is firmly rooted in Judeo-Christian concepts. Dr. Spring specifically addresses Jewish and Christian beliefs about forgiveness and bases her guidance on how to work toward forgiveness on Old and New Testament principles.
These three books are the ones FWH and I have used to guide us through the aftermath of D-day, and I'd highly recommend all of them.
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
m334455 ( member #26893) posted at 6:10 PM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
Henry Cloud wrote a book called Necessary Endings that I like. It's not about infidelity per se, but I found it to be extremely helpful.
BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009
vulnerable (original poster new member #32658) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
Thank you both for the suggestions. I think maybe the 'not just friends' book would be a good place to start.
There's a couple in a church who know a lot about the boundaries stuff. I'm gonna spend some time talking to the wife this week. I'll definitely have a look into 'definite endings' too.
Thanks for your help.
PS. Fighting2Survive, I am reading and re-reading your 'before you say reconcile' post, thank you sharing it.
Me: 26 BS
Him: 26 WS
Dday: 21/06/11
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:10 AM on Wednesday, July 20th, 2011
Maybe not right now, but when you consider R or a new relationship someday in the future, I highly recommend "Just How Married Do You Want To Be" by Sarah and Jim Sumner. It's got a heap of good advice about what Biblical marriage ought to look like, and is written by a pastor and her husband. They're very open about how tough marriage can be, but how worth it love is.
[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:50 PM, July 31st (Sunday)]
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Crazy Daze ( member #31843) posted at 5:20 AM on Tuesday, July 26th, 2011
I have read many, many books over the past two years.
I would suggest:
Desperate Marriages by Gary Chapman, also his Five love Languages;
Shattered Vows by Debra Laaser;
Unfaithful By Gary and Mona Shriver;
Love & Respect by DR.Emerson Eggerichs;
Love Must be Tough by Dr James Dobson;
My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me (I don't like the title but the author gives a first person account of her experience and the book is quite insightful).
Me-BS, Him-WS
A began-6/2009 - M 30 years
D-Day- 02/2010
WS left 3 days after 31st Anniversary
WS back 6 months later - False R
Limbo - Asked WS to leave after 32nd Anniversary
A ended 07/2011
Successfully R'd
Recovered, Restored, Renewed!
mlc? ( new member #32809) posted at 12:13 AM on Saturday, July 30th, 2011
This one may have already been mentioned, but is a christian book on R. "Love Dare"
WS(me) 43
BS(H) 50
3 D, 19,17,5
D-Day 7/14/11
D-Day 8/25/11
Change what you can, Except what you can't.
andywalks ( new member #32897) posted at 2:20 AM on Monday, August 1st, 2011
Crazydaze, What is "desperate marriages about? i am going away for a week and I really want to do some good sole searching about this whole Christian marriage thing I signed up for 23 years ago. It didnt feel very Christian to me.
Me WS 45
Him BS 45
Married 24 years
D-Day 21 May 2011
3 sons 11, 17, 18
so_unsure ( member #26726) posted at 7:53 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2011
Love Must be Tough by Dr James Dobson
Crazy Daze ( member #31843) posted at 9:41 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2011
Sorry for the late response. I too, have been away.
Deperate Marriages talks about Reality Living; being responsible for your own attitude,how your attitues affects your actions,realizing that you cannot chang others but you can influence them, how your emotions do not control your actions, how admitting your imperections does not make you a failure, and how love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.
It also goes into the five love languages. I found the book very helpful.
Me-BS, Him-WS
A began-6/2009 - M 30 years
D-Day- 02/2010
WS left 3 days after 31st Anniversary
WS back 6 months later - False R
Limbo - Asked WS to leave after 32nd Anniversary
A ended 07/2011
Successfully R'd
Recovered, Restored, Renewed!
gardenmom ( member #29036) posted at 3:46 PM on Saturday, August 13th, 2011
The 4 seasons of Marriage is by the 5 Love Lang. guy. Very good.
I loved Love and Respect, also.
Captivated is a good one for wives, and there are two for the husband by the author. (Don't remember name).
Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage,
Me-BS-35
HIM-FWH-37 (Dad6573)
2 kids
married 16 years
Dday EA 03/10
Dday PA 06/03/10
Dday whole truth 08/2011
So tired and confused. R is up to him now.
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