SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(((((((vvs))))))))

I know you must be going out of your mind with worry and dread. It's an awful place to be. Try to just hang in there and focus on the positive. Think of it as sowing and reaping; you sowed pain with your A and yes, there is still on-going fallout from that, but NOW you are sowing integrity, honesty, and love...and what you reap you will sow, "later and greater", as they say. So know that, as bleak and hopeless as things may look right now, the good that you are putting out there will come back to you.

And it's not over 'till it's over.

PM if you want, I'll be thinking of you.

(((((((vvs)))))))

We still haven't heard anything. I pulled his credit card charges to see if I could discover where he was and make sure he was alright. No hotel charges so he must be staying with friends.

He had 40 dollars at walmart (clothing?) 30 dollars at a grocery store and $1,200 at a computer store. No guess what that is. H doesn't like computers.

Well I feel a little bit better. At least he is ok enough to make charges.

$1,200 at a computer store

He bought a laptop..He may be doing research on the internet.

Are you able to call any of his friends just to see if H is okay? Maybe find out where he is staying?

(((verysorry97)))

At least you know he is safe.

Now you know something about triggers but since you didn't recognize the sexy outfit issue, make sure you take this to the next level. Get rid of all clothing associated with OM. Get rid of any gifts, etc., from him or anything associated with him in any manner.

With my H, he had to burn all of his underwear. He was only with her twice but couldn't remember what he had on, so it all got burned. Just knowing she touched those things was too much, so you can imagine how a sexy outfit worn for both you and OM would make your BH feel.

It does sound like the reality has just hit him. When, and if, he returns, tell him often that you are sorry that you had an affair and that you are sorry you did that to him. Tell him you were wrong and you will never do it again. Tell him you love him and that you are sorry, over and over. Do not wait for him to bring up the affair. It's always on his mind, so don't worry about making him think about it.

I'm hoping for him to return soon for both your sakes.

Hang in there and be ready for the roller coaster ride.

[This message edited by sudra at 6:53 PM, August 17th (Wednesday)]

Thanks to everyone for your support.

Still nothing. I just hope he decides to come home eventually. My H has always said that he wasn't certain that he could commit to R. I just never thought he would just walk off. I guess that this is me thinking nonsence. I am so tired that I can't think straight.

I am trying to remain calm so my dd won't get even more upset. I keep telling her that he just needs time and will be home when he calms down. I just wish that I felt that confident.

I bet that he is staying with his buddy from the gym. He has only known him since earlier this year. I don't know his name or how to contact him.

DD has gone to bed now. I can break down in peace. God forgive me from causing so much pain.

BS here too....hope you are open to my comments.

I made my husband get rid of everything she touched. I don't want to imagine seeing her anywhere near the things that used to be a normal part of my life.

I like the idea of setting up a photo with a gas can and letting him burn it. LOL I'd go for that myself.

As far as I know, everything has already gone out with the trash.

(((VVS97)))

You didn't anticipate this one.

You will get better at anticipating as time goes on. In that manner, it sucks that we have to become pros at this. That this is what we have brought into our lives. But you will, and then at some point, your spouse will start to tell you that they don't want you to turn the TV channel every time a scene comes on with infidelity, or a touchy subject comes up. They just want to start living their lives and deal with it.

In the meantime, you have to become vigilant, aware, protective. You will get there.

Hugs to you, You are doing a great job and I hope you hear from him soon. This waiting is the most unbearable of all. I am sorry your family is going through this.

Thinking of you today. Glad to hear he's safe. He needs his time and space to get over the shock and sort out his feelings.

Don't crowd him. Do send him email/texts saying you are sorry, you are worried, etc. Just to keep the connection. Don't worry if he doesn't respond. You know he is safe.

Major update.

BH came home this morning. Brought flowers and appologised for putting me through hell the past few days.

Then he really surprised me. He said that he vowed to do everything he could to work toward R! Up to now, he has been on the fence and seriously considerind D. He has agreed to IC to help him deal with everything.

We were also very late to work if you know what I mean

That's wonderful news! So happy for you, I love to see positive updates!!!

Yeah!!!!!! So great to read!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy for you guys!!!!!! That's awesome news!!!!! I totally teared up reading it.

Now to just take a big breath and get on with making life beautiful again :)

(((vs97)))

This is happy news...I'm glad you are in each other's arms again.

So glad to hear the great update!!!

Very good news!

Very happy for you. My BH did a similar thing. Unlike you, I tortured him by calling about 30 times rather than giving him space. You did the right thing.

So glad to hear he is safe. I was very worried reading your post last night.

Good Luck.