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Ok, R is progressing and moving along pretty good. WW seems remorseful and by all indications has complied with NC. I have access to her email accounts, FB (I have all notifications sent to my phone via text), etc. I contacted the OM the day after DDay and got details of the EA and PA. I caught them in the "act" so I already had confirmed PA but needed to know the extent and how long. Over the first couple months after DDay I discovered additional facts and my WW told me more. On August 16th I finally contacted the OM's BS. He had sent me an email a few weeks after Dday begging me to not contact his BS claiming among other things it would destroy her, she was in a weak emotional state and caring for a dying friend. He asked me to not seek revenge by imposing pain on her. I ultimately realized he was a lying narsicistic A**H***. when I contacted the OM's BS she confirmed they were all lies. No dying friend, etc. The OM's BS filed for divorce and I obtained copies of her petition and his counter petition. Amazing, he is asking for alimony from her since he was layed off from his job in April 11. Dday was June 13, 2011. So he clearly wanted to avoid her knowing because he had no source of income and was relying on her for support while he cheated on her. So here is my question (sorry for the long introduction). I have contemplated sending him the following email: "Pretty Pathetic that a 56 year old 'man' who has cheated on his wife now has the 'balls' to ask for alimony instead of just going out and getting a job." I hope you are enjoying the consequenses of your actions."

So should I send the email or just enjoy his pain internally?

I would contact the other spouse! Everyone has the right to know what they are dealing with. They have the right to know their spouse has not been honest and truthful in their relationship and especially with their hearts and, in come cases their genitals. The consequences of not knowing what is going on could cause long term damage to their health and their mind- I firmly believe we all had that little 'inkling' that something wasn't right. but wanted to trust and believe so badly that we ignored it... so YES! tell them and do it TODAY!Do it for this other person and not for revenge....please do it kindly.... they deserve to know the truth with sympathy, empathy, and compassion.....the kind that only you can know the depth of.

I would leave it alone. You've already been in contact with them, you know the extent of the A (to the best of your ability), these are not people you want to invite back into your life whether intentionally or not.

Enjoy his pain...

wanttogofoward -- I agree. I did contact the OM's BS. She promptly filed for divorce from the scumbag. I am just wondering if it I should send the quoted email to the OM.

I probably would send it but I'm kind of...that way, not one to always take the high road as long as I can be reasonably sure my action won't come back and bite me too hard!

No, let nature take it's course. To contact him at all is to invite him back into your life. You know he will only respond in kind. He's not worth it.

Just enjoy knowing what he's getting.

Best of luck to you.

both sides

I must ask what does contacting either of them (OM or OBS) have to do with R for your relationship? ......think about it.

Of course you will do as you want. ........As I see it you can choose a new relationship with them or you can choose to work on your M. It is your choice.

Be well,

He is facing justice for what he has done. Now is the time to walk away and focus on your life in my opinion.

Don't contact.

If you already told the BS I suggest you leave it like that, you have done your part. Let them deal with their problems on their own.

In my opinion, this should not be a contest between you and the OM, if you chose reconciliation, then this should be all about your WS and you trying to fix your marriage, not getting a revenge.

Focusing your mind into the OM is just distracting you from what really is important. You hardly mention your wife in this post.

Best of wishes

Walk away and enjoy the justice he's getting. I understand your temptation, however. I was just contemplating sending OW an email to let her know that she's a phony. I am one year from Dday, and still get the urge to vent my anger toward her sometimes, but I don't want to invite her into our lives again. NC is the best way to go. It would be nice to NOT take the high road sometimes, but contacting her would run the risk of one of her kids reading my hate mail. Her kids are old enough like mine to get onto computers and possibly open things. I don't like to take that chance because I have two kids to protect as well. It's hard to predict what someone who cheats can also be capable of doing. I enjoyed your email to him, however, so thanks for sharing it here. I think maybe I will post the email I wish I could send, today, too:-) Thanks for the idea!

NC is for both of you. Don't open up a new channel of communication with [insert favorite string of obscenities here] when you're doing well.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

snowseason, just enjoy it privately.

I believe that if you are in true R then NC should apply to both of you.

Also, would not want to stir up a hornets nest for OBS. OM may assume you got this info from his STBXW and if she wants the divorce to be as amicable as possible, this could make it harder for her.

I hope that scumbag doesn't get a penny.

Thanks for the advice. I will not send the email. Sharing it here has been enough. I will enjoy watching his Divorce unfold and his financial ruin. I agree that NC applies to me and it is best to not open a door for contact with the OM and his BS. I want to keep the R going forward with my FWW in a positive manner. I try not to dwell on the OM and my hatred for him but there are lots of factors that make that difficult. Time is helping and venting occassionally on this site helps.

Just wanted to add I can feel your pain. I just figured out my Wh had been with MOW in June when I was thinking the last time was a year ago. I am sure her BH is thinking it all ended in April when he finally really found out. As much as I want to let him know this like the other posters have said it is just about revenge and will bring them back into our lives and it is not worth it!

If I were ever to contact the OM at this point it would be after his divorce is final. I am slowly feeling at peace and agree I do not want to drag the OM or his BS back into the mix.

Nope - Let sleeping dogs lie...

Smile, just knowing the Karma Bus has run smack over his sorry ass.

One reason is this. You have control over what you do, whether you send the email or not. But you have NO control over his response. Some people are crazy as hell... leave it alone!

Living well is the best revenge.

It's not as fun as rubbing his pathetic life in his face.... but it will pain him more to watch you and your wife walk away happy and together while his life crumbles.

I have never understood all the hate towards the OP. My angry always goes directly to my WW, since she had control of her actions and decisions not the OP. If wasn't this loser that your wife hooked up with it would have been another, there are plenty of them out there. My advice is to show your WW that email to let her know that her actions have an effect beyond just your marriage. An affair has far reaching effects and I don't think most WS's understand this.