SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Joe,

PM me if you want to get laid. Honestly. I live in PA and will ride a tricycle with flat wheels to Alaska if I have to. We'll hit every strip club in the state. (I assume they have clubs in Alaska.)

You said...

She is my only, so I really have nothing to compare it to.

Step 1) Print this thread out and give it to her.

Step 2) Get divorce papers and give it to her

Step 3) Go to the bank and get a couple hundred worth of one dollar bills.

[This message edited by RKT429SS at 11:28 AM, November 2nd (Wednesday)]

I'm not sure a strip club is a solid way to build self confidence in regards to the crumbling of a dedicated relationship.

A bunch of tequila, a crazy drive through Mexico with a soundtrack including Queen and Aerosmith and maybe some Blues Traveller for the really dark desert parts, maybe a strip club thrown in here and there as part of the partying montage and ultimately waking up on a beach in Baja with a renewed mental clarity and sense of self sounds like a great story, but random naked women gyrating for a dollar just seems like aiming low, at best.

Wow...just wow. I'll echo others here...your WS is a POS. Period.

It's a kick to the groin to hear that from the person you love. It's made to make you doubt yourself and your sex appeal. She's the ONE PERSON in the world that is supposed to build that up for you. You don't seek external sexual validation from others.

And...on top of it all, her comment in FING INSANE!!!!! Size? Are you kidding me? First off there's a litany of other things at play with sex (hands, touch, kissing, fondling, use of tongue, etc, etc). The intercourse part is just a part of that....and not an important part at that. It's about making the other person feel sexy and getting turned on doing so. It's about a lack of inhibitions and trusting your partner that being in that place is OK. It should NEVER be about tearing your partner down or creating doubt in them. Ever. Period.

And I'm writing from experience. About 2 years ago my WS told me that the OP kissed better than I do. Those words still cut through me like a knife. I doubt myself big time....but we don't ever kiss anymore, not like that...so at least I don't doubt it with her...but the next time I ever kiss another person I'm going to be terrified - and that sucks. Sucks that she did that to me.

The funny thing is, my WS isn't all that. I mean she's sexy..sure. I love her. She's extremely pretty. But there are parts of her I'm not all that into. I've had other sexual partners who ran circles around her - but I would NEVER tell her that....and obviously that wasn't an issue for me falling in love with her.

True love is about (to me) having the ability to be completely selfless. Put them above you, while still accepting that you are worthy of being loved back. For far too many WS's it seems to be exactly the opposite - think only about yourself and put your partner down at all costs. And it sucks!

Don't internalize this. It's a power play. Nothing more.

So sorry.

HBT

FWS here joe, if that's okay.

I didn'[t read all the replies but I echo the others who said your WW is just being cruel. So you're average, big deal. So is my H and we have no problems in the bedroom. Why? It's probably because he insists that I "go" first. He's attentive to what *I* like. And after 25+ years he knows me pretty well.

If your WW prefers "big" men then perhaps she'd be interested in this little tidbit. Most people know who John Holmes is/was. Big porn star back in the 70's and reported to have a member that was a foot long. The thing is NO woman outside the industry and only one IN the industry could handle him. He was too big. Imagine that, big porn star couldn't get laid.

So no, size doesn't matter. She just said those things to shatter your self esteem and the best way to do that to a man is to insult his "endowment." She figuratively kicked you in the balls.

Is it a dealbreaker? Only you can say if it is or not.

joeboo - I know exactly what you're going through. My wife said similar things in her attempts to be honest with me. I think she told me some details too soon, before she was really sorry, and those things hurt me deeply as well and I'm still dealing with them. Things like, both OMs were bigger, and even though she said bigger wasn't better, one of them made her spray and screwed her brains out 4 times in one session. She told me he had great hands, and that the 2nd guy gave her better oral. She's apologized for saying that, but the facts are the facts - she has never sprayed with me.

I wonder the same things as you.

Everyone here just tells you to leave her, but I can understand how things may be different from how it must all sound in text like this. It's horrible, no doubt, but what if she feels sick about what she's done? That's really the least we need to work through it, right? And still I don't know how we'll ever get past this.

If it wasn't for our little girls I would have to leave for my health, regardless of how much I love her and want to work through everything.

This is not easy...

Im late to the party, and I havent read the other replies... But many of your posts have connected with me, because I know you are in a lot of pain and this shit your wife did has and IS causing you insecurity and believe me sir, me too, me too.

Mine has said several things that I really dont think I can get over. It kills everything. I dont know why they dont realize what they are saying is going to kill our sex drive, our self worth, the relationship...

But, like you, I dont know what to do. If its the truth its the truth. Is it better we dont ask? And now that we know how can we get over these? Somehow I feel your wife is the one who has to fix it, and I cant even begin to say how. But maybe if you ask yourself that (how can she fix this) you can begin to get an answer... as long as she wants to fix it.

As far as size.... I dont agree that bigger is better at all.

I dont agree that bigger is better at all.

Hey! I resent that!

All jokes aside.

Did your WW select her lovers based on penis-size or was this simply a happy coincidence that she happened to find lovers with extremely large penises? If the former then how did she go about doing it? Did they audition?

She’s saying this to hurt you. This is a control issue for her.

If she can destroy every shred of your self worth and confidence you are more likely to let her cake eat and continue to be her back up plan.

Plus she may just be the meanest bitch ever. She is horrible. Truly, truly horrible.

Joeboo, I haven't read all the replies, but I'm chiming in: what your WW said to you was on purpose to hurt you. She said it because it's personal, it's unchangeable, and it cuts deep. For whatever reason, she wants to lash out, to turn things around to somehow make you the reason she cheated.

Don't fall for it. Your size is fine just the way it is. I find "average" more preferable, personally. She said that just to be cruel. It's just as bad as a man telling a woman she's "too loose", or her breasts are too small or too big. I am so sorry she's done a number on your self-esteem. ONly you can determine whether or not this is a deal breaker (combined with other issues she may have or other ways she treats you). In my opinion, though, this callousness shows just what kind of person she is, inside.