SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My EX never liked my independent streak.

I didnt need him to fix or do things for me. In hindsight and IC, I was a little too independent and I should have let him do more.

I don't like to depend on anyone, never have. I think it has a lot to do with how I was raised. You raised yourself because no one else would.

I want to find a man who appreciates that part of me and who will take out the trash and oh pump gas lol.

They wont find a damsel in distress around here too often.

I think that is something xh and I never figured out. I sometimes thought it bothered him that I was independent, then other times he seemed to appreciate that I could fix the fence or change a tire, so he never had a 'honey do' list. Seems as though he did like the damsel in distress thing, but only if he had time, and the house was clean

I like helping people and have no problem with a woman who needs help from time to time. But, I'm not looking for a damsel in distress. I'm rearing two young children on my own and I don't need drain on my time and energy.

I have always been impressed with women who could do things and not need to "be saved". My X was a prof in a typically male dominated area and we went backpacking before kids. At the same time I don't want to feel useless. I think it works best if both have common interests and abilities, yet still have strengths in areas compliment the other. As someone else mentioned, I'm looking for a partner in life. And, I would not be scared away by a picture of a woman shooting a shotgun in her online dating profile, mariusa.

'sometimes ask him to open a jar even if you can open it yourself'

This. Absolutely this. I think many men want to know that there is something they and they "alone" can do.

Men, ask your lady to pick out the odd tie with a suit or sweater to wear. We like being asked our opinion and being valued.

It's the same principles, in many ways, as saying thank you.

Cat

If men want a damsel in distress I am doomed to stay alone. I don't project that vibe, never did. In fact, after my family learned that I was getting S, they all told me to let them help me, to not push them away.

I can't do many repair things in the house but I know how to call the contractor and the plumber.

I have friends who project the damsel in distress vibe and they are never without prospect partners. The guys I know love that type of things. It gets on my nerves to be frank.

When I meet someone, I want that person to be my equal and not someone who will need his ego stroked by fixing things and being needed.

I've been told a lot that I am too independent. I can work on small car engines although I prefer not to anymore. I have a gun and can shoot, I have my motorcycle license, I am on the dean's list at school, and I've raised my kids pretty much on my own from infant to adulthood. I can cook when I feel like it and have played sports most of my life. I can wear jeans around the house and a mini skirt and heels when I go out at night. I am multi-faceted. If a guy is looking for a "type" of woman, I will not work. I am not any particular type. I can be very independent, but there are times when I do really need someone.

I can do anything I set my mind to. However, I don't like fooling with technology or figuring out how to remodel my home. I would prefer to have the guy do those things. I tend to lose patience with that stuff although I can get it done if I absolutely have to and have the time to figure it out.

However, I do love feeling secure and protected in my guys' arms.

I do think we all like to feel needed or appreciated for the gifts we have to give. If someone wants to come in and take care of me and run my life and be my caretaker, that isn't going to work. That is not the type of guy I need, although there are some women that would work out real well with that type of guy. We are all different. I also don't want a guy that wants a woman who is so independent that she never has to rely on him for anything. My XSO needed a caretaker and mommy figure and I'm not going to raise another child.

I think the answer here is that some men like women that are a bit more needy, and some men don't but me personally I am going to need a mixture of a guy that can allow and appreciate my independence but can still be there for me when I need him because I will from time to time.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 9:53 AM, November 20th (Sunday)]

I think the appeal is because we want to seem needed and we like to solve problems. I've learned not to fall into that trap though. Usually women that need a lot of help/emotional mess are more trouble than it's worth.

Certainly i like a woman who is a little independent. Too much though i don't care for.

How funny this topic was what I was thinking about lately lol.

I'm not dainty, I'm 6 foot single mom with 3 daughters. I know how to fix things around the house, I can put together pretty much anything that I bring home, I own tools, I can change my own car oil, put gas in and can change my windshield wipers and some other things in the car. I do all the laundry, clean, dishes, cook ...

Because I HAVE to. There are some days I wish I had someone to share things with. Someone that would help out a bit, someone to lean on when I'm just having a hard day.

Does that make guys feel like they're "saving" me or that I'm some damsel in distress? Who knows. And frankly at this point in my life I don't care lol. I don't need saving but I would absolutely like someone there with me. If that makes a guy feel like he's saving me then I'm just stuck in a perpetual cycle.

Oh well

GMA just to let you know. Im an accomplished cook. I wash and Iron my own laundry and I do housework...... And Im am a pretty handy guy around the house. LOL....

Stronger08 I'll have you

I'm not a guy and never been the damsel in distress type .I do everything except climb ladders .I will never have a chance if men only want damsel's in distress .

based on my past the answer is a resounding YES.

all men, no prolly not, but I would say more yes than no.

Another one of the reasons Xh gave for leaving. I was/am to independent he did not feel needed.

and the whore was/is all about being poor me, save me, fix me, blah blah blah ......

well I am who I am .... and I am ok spending the rest of my time alone if that is how it is to be. I will be sad and lonely yes, but not enough to alter who I am.

I can't imagine being a DID, though I have seen women play that up to extremes thinking it's what a guy wants.

Hell, I don't know what a guy wants. But I know that I treasure my independence. I do worry a bit that it might be off-putting to a guy that I am independent but then again, I am not NEEDY which seems to be a huge turn-off. Needy might draw a guy in but I cannot imagine it would keep one if the KISA was a constant.

A relationship has to have a little of both, IMHO. I want a guy that is not intimidated by the fact I own my own home and do almost all the DIY stuff. I have a tendency to not ask for help, but I will if I have to because I know my limitations.

Ex-asshat told me that I had saved him. He was appreciative of my independent nature, but eventually that got to him. Once the shine wore off on the M, it because clear he did not like my independent nature and was actually mad at himself for not being more of a KISA, which of course got turned around on me. I had a good IC that helped me see he had serious self-esteem issues and was projecting everything onto me. I am so glad I got out.

It's one thing to need someone once in awhile, and quite another to be needy all the time. I think most men can tell the difference. I hope.

I would prefer someone who could take care of themselves for the most part.

I enjoy helping her work, not doing it for her.

I'm a female and I unwittingly ended up being a KISA.

I freaking hate it and really hope I've never done that to any guy.

People shouldn't save each other. Like hexed said, it's too exhausting. Not only that, it's not fair... to either party.

Men, ask your lady to pick out the odd tie with a suit or sweater to wear. We like being asked our opinion and being valued.

Cat, I almost always agree with you, but on this point? Dear lord no. I do not want to be responsible for telling him what to wear. I have a hard enough time dressing myself, without suddenly being responsible for making both of us look presentable.

Ask my advice on things that require intelligence, logic, and problem solving skills, not something dumb like what you should wear.

Maybe what I'm trying to say is that it boils down to recognizing your partner's strengths and using them to your advantage. (Hmmm...that came out sounding way more manipulative than what I meant it to mean. )

[This message edited by Amazonia at 11:44 AM, November 21st (Monday)]

Ask my advice on things that require intelligence, logic, and problem solving skills, not something dumb like what you should wear.

OMG Ama; you confirmed a sore point for me! I want to be loved and adored, but I also want to be an equal partner. Please don't ever try to slip me into a gender-specific role...