I also agree with what Fighting2survive said about making ourselves happy. Well put.
Heartbroke40, as your wife I wanted you to feel I deserved manicures, pedicures...etc.., because I'm your wife, and mother of your 3 (crazy) boys.. Little things like that make a women feel special.
But please don't think for one second that anything you did made me do what I did. When I say how I felt, or feel it's so I can gain insight into what I did. You are not responsible for my mistakes.
You are a wonderful man, husband and father. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. I try to explain this connection we have to other people, but damn I can't even explain it to myself. Please know that when I vent here I'm not trying to shift the blame. I am simply venting.
You don't deserve to be burdened with my issues at this time, therefore I wanted a place that I could discuss my feelings, and help me be better for you, and me both.
I think what I also neglected to mention was the incredible generosity you have shown me despite the pain I have caused you. I see your pain, and hurt, but above all I see your love.
I know you don't want to hear this, but I am sorry, for the pain I have caused you, and the strain put upon on our family as a result. I am not and never will be perfect, but I will spend the rest of our lives being the wife you deserve.