SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

so how do you search for something (in any forum) specific? I can't find that anywhere I look. Since I couldn't get in touch with him, I went on craigslist and emailed a married man seeking a married woman and laid into him for being a prick. It made me feel better. :)

Start at the pinned threads at the top. I believe it's in the Tips & links thread.

I just have to say today i spoke to OW in front of her boyfriend and exposed her to him for still being in contact with my WH. Her bf seemed quite upset and it made me feel better. I rocked her world since she rocked mine!

(((Hugs)))

I just wanted to add my support for you, i hope you can get this over and done with ASAP.

My STBXWH was also in the middle of his A when we conceived our third baby. I didn't find out until she was 6 months old. They not only put our health at risk but the health of our babies too!

I am three months into D Day and at first I was very sure I wanted to tell the OWH. I have changed my mind a half a dozen times. Do most people tell the other spouse?

When I am triggering I just want to torpedo her existence. Other days I just want to feel normal. Whatever that means

Peace

TS

TS - Obviously it is your decision to make but I put myself in their shoes and I would want to know. I wish I would have done it sooner but I not only told his wife but also all of his friends and family.

Their nasty little secret wasn't going to come out on their terms and I'll be damned if I was going to be the BS to hide in the corner while they came out and lied to everyone about what happened. It took me a long time to come to this decision and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

I'm a private person and know it may sound like I was a scorned husband, but they get to live with the consequences of their actions. Their selfishness destroyed two families and I was not going to let them write whatever script they chose to tell.

Tinysteps-I think most people agree that it should be done. It's not only fair in the sense that the other person is making life decisions without all the information, but by putting the A out in the open, it eliminates an element of excitement. I've tried calling a couple more times, and at different times of day, but they're not answering. I don't want to send a message via facebook because I don't want him or her able to access my info. I'm debating writing a letter. Any thoughts of second best way? I could unblock my number, but then I'm afraid she'll answer or she'll see it and make up some story about me being a crazy paranoid bitch. Ok, so maybe she's right about me being crazy, and now I am paranoid, and she'll find out what a bitch I am if we ever run into one another...so I guess it would be true. lol

They may not be answering because they see it as a blocked call. You could try calling from a pay phone. Or checkout spoof card, you can disguise your caller id and a different number appears on their end, http://www.spoofcard.com/

I am wondering if your husband got the word out to her since you had told him you were going to do this? Personally, I would drive over to their house if that's what it would take. I'd also invite my husband to join me. He should be the one to tell the BH, not you.

[This message edited by cissi at 5:14 PM, July 21st (Saturday)]

Why not send a registered letter. This would give you a chance to write exactly what you want and he will have to be the one to sign for it so you will know for sure he is informed.

Why should her H do it Cissi? I don't agree with that at all. That could be trouble, big trouble. It's almost promoting a confrontation. There's no need for that at all IMO.

I think a good idea is to contact a courier service and have them hand deliver a note from you to OW's BH. Specify that he is the only one who can receive the letter. Once he receives it, ask for conformation from the courier.

In the letter I would detail your concerns about him talking to his wife before talking to you, provide slivers of evidence, your phone #, etc.

He may or may not respond, but at least you tried and you'll have no doubt whether or not he received the information.

I think it would be a great show of true reconciliation were her husband to go with her apologize to the BH. As it is, I think he may have actually tipped off the OW. I could be wrong, obviously.

Having confirmation that the other BS got the message is good. I sent a fb message and have no way to know if he read it, since there has been no response. Its infuriating. The registered mail, or fed ex with a required signature is an excellent idea.

Good luck!

Thanks for the replies. My thinking is I am going to use a courier. I know she would intercept any mailed correspondence. She knows I know because of the NC email. She called me the next day and I hung up on her but not before she assured me it wasn't just her he was screwing. I kind of liked the idea of waiting. Let her think the danger has passed. (maniacal laughter)

Peace

deepbreaths is it possible to contact him at his employment to let him know? good luck!

Deepbreaths,

I can completely relate to what you said,

I can't believe WH would PLAN that with me while doing this

My WH and I planned for over a year to start trying to have a baby last year. He began his A with the MOW in June, we started trying to get pregnant in Oct, conceived in Dec, found out in Jan and his A didn't end until Feb. I can't tell you how many times I asked him WHY he would allow us to try when he knew what he was doing in the background of our life. I guess they all want to have their cake and eat it too, huh? Good luck with contacting the OBS. Let us know how it goes.

[This message edited by kourt090 at 10:04 PM, July 21st (Saturday)]

Do you know where he works? I contacted the BH at work but I knew he knew because she told him in front of me! But I knew where he worked looked it up got the number and then used the directory to get his extension. Hope this helps. Sorry you have to deal with this and being pregnant. Hugs