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I was going over WW's yahoo converstation history and it turns out the OM contacted my WW on 7/17. WW took exchange to her work email (which I don't have access to).

The conversation occurred before I told the OBS 8/7. Back in July OM was still in operation outreach and WW was receptive to contact. You can see how this presents a problem.

Blasted the OM with an email warning that if I see any contact from this point forward, His wife would find out about it.

I'm hoping now that he's outed it has stopped but still not certain. Not having access to work email is a stickler.

I have to address this tonight and want to be sure all my bases are covered.

Will insist on an NC letter to be drafted and delivered ASAP (haven't asked yet b/c I was under the impression there was NC)

Conincidentally the OBS texted me yesterday and said she'll call today to talk. Hope the exchange will be valuable to both of us.

I've been excessively honest with WW (with the hope it would 'influence' her to return the same courtesy) so I would normally show her the email I blasted the OM with and offer a read of the text exchange I had with the OBS. On the fence over sharing over sharing as it would just reinforce the extent of care they'd take to not be detected (if they intend to pursue contact).

Have elite keylogger installed (though she rarely uses the home PC)

Have not placed software on the Iphone yet.

Blackberry is work issued/ work PC is at her office. Any attempt to put tracing software on either would obviously place her job in jeopardy.

Any thoughts on sharing exchanges w/ OM OBS? I'm having second thoughts and might hold this info back.

Tell the OBS everything that you know. She deserves to know.

Don't tell your wife until after you've talked to her - she will go into damage control mode.

Hang in there - it's going to be a rough day.

Have you tried a keylogger that you can send to your WW work email? I know there is a keylogger that you attach to an email and send it to her. It is masked like jpeg or something like that and once she opens it the "jpeg" won't load for her but the keylogger gets uploaded and you can view what she does there. I wonder what the OBS has to say maybe she found out something as well. Keep us posted :)

I am only speaking from experience but it was tough telling the OBS. The mistake I feel I made was trying to be hidden or somewhat anonymous from my wife. I feel i should have told her everything and then told my wife as soon as I could. I can tell you that so far it seems like when all 4 people are involved the contact does stop and affair will end. I dealt with continued contact over the last 2.5 weeks as they were supposedly "ending the affair" After the OBS was informed and sh%$ hit the fan it changed. Seems like my wifes fog is in early stages of lifting as her fantasy is unraveling and with me doing 180 she is starting to want to talk R. Sorry don't have much advice but thought I would share my experience

PJ24:

Not sure if I made it clear enough but I told OBS on 8/7. We're planning our first call (post her D-day).

Apparently her WH is talking to her every day (I'll find out later if what he's telling her smacks of the truth or if he's just telling her what she wants to hear).

Like I said, should be beneficial for both of us.

GL Bubbleup...

Well the OBS hadn't called this afternoon. Ended up washing the car w her son. Not being one to stand in the way of family fun, We'll talk tomorrow.

I'll be speaking w wife RE: breaking NC, just won't discuss source.

Not having access to work email is a stickler.

Can she access her work e-mail from home?

If not, how is her workplace? Is it an office? You can ask to visit her and she could let you look at it. Don't warn her that's what you want to do just do it when you get her (with her permission then).

As to the Blackberry she needs to give you password and access to it every night at home.

Many places have email set up so employees can access it remotely from home or on the road. Is hers set up (or can it be) that way. If so she needs to give you password and instructions for access. Her employer need not know.

I'd tell her that you know she is using her company email for personal/private things and that you will notify their HR and IT departments of such.

If her business operates in the US, then her company is required by law to have full archives of all emails for several years for all employees. Tell her that you are going to contact the IT dept. at her work, request a search through archives based on his name/email, and notify them she is using company email for personal/affair purposes which may lead to consequences or termination of her job.

Either that or she shares the username/password so you can check it at home, which I'm betting she has remote access (web mail and/or blackberry).

fouy143 wrote: Have you tried a keylogger that you can send to your WW work email? I know there is a keylogger that you attach to an email and send it to her. It is masked like jpeg or something like that and once she opens it the "jpeg" won't load for her but the keylogger gets uploaded and you can view what she does there. I wonder what the OBS has to say maybe she found out something as well. Keep us posted :)

Just to advise others here -Not to even consider an attempt to launch cloaked software into a Corporate network. If the business possesses any sort of intellectual property or confidential information and you were discovered as the culprit, YOU could be procecuted for that attempted breach. Charges would be based on the breach of the stuff the Business needs to protect (not what you're attempting to crack).

This is not a personal slam fyou143. I just don't want anyone to risk taking such potentially self destructive action because they read it here. Please don't take it personally :-)

Mediumrare wrote:

Either that or she shares the username/password so you can check it at home, which I'm betting she has remote access (web mail and/or blackberry).

She's provided access to her blackberry without reservation. I'm trustng her more - aside from this NC break she's given plenty of reason to do so. The skeptic in me doesn't rule out that she wouldn't be deleting stuff before she gets home.

She has some internal apps that can send and recieve external email that cannot be accessed anywhere except on the work PC. My inner skeptic is bugged by that...

While texting w/ OBS yesterday she said her WH lets her know wherever he is and he's not 'going out' anymore. (such a comfort having another set of eyes on this).

WS an I spoke honestly from 10PM to 2AM and I think she's seeing how much this helps me.

Over the last four months I've developed well in reading the nuances in her body language, speech pattens and expressions so I have been able to make pretty accurate observations on when she's being truthful and when she has reservations.

I feel much better today than yesterday. Thanks for the support :-)

[This message edited by Bubbleup at 11:10 AM, August 30th (Thursday)]

Agree on the spy software on a corp network. Still, she can show it to you, right? :)

aside from this NC break she's given plenty of reason to do so.

Did she explain breaking NC to you?

I'd ask my W to quit and look for another job by the way.

If I were at her office yes she would show me what's accessible on the work pc only and she let's me view work mail via blackberry. That being said I really have to reiterate that I'm of the clandestine school rather than one of handing over passwords. Everyone should keep in mind that the WS could be acting a false hero by handing over passwords while deleting all emails as they arrive or are sent.

I don't think this is the case for us. We had a great talk last night.

I spoke w OBS for the first time since I told her. It lasted about an hour and was therapeutic for both of us. Her Ws is remorseful and wants his marriage to work too.

My WS acknowledged the NC break. Just checking to see that they were doing okay in the aftermath. She now knows how wrong this is now. Didn't get it at first.

She doesn't need to change jobs. The OM works and lives in a neighboring state and dont cross path at their jobs...

[This message edited by Bubbleup at 7:40 PM, August 30th (Thursday)]