SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WS here....

I knew his wife was an angel. We both had nothing but good things to say about our spouses and we couldn't believe we were doing this.

When I called and told her she thanked me and told me I wasn't the only one... All I could give her was the truth and stay out of her life.

I'm sure she's handling being a BS much better than I am. Maybe part of my anger is against myself...

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:42 AM, September 7th (Friday)]

Dear VD,

It's early days for you. IMO, you cannot control your feelings as such, but can control how you respond to them. And I suggest you consider how you might respond to huge waves of anger that may hit you in about three to six months from now.

Currently, it feels to me you are according your AP much more respect and humility than you are according fellow BSs here.

You do not have all the answers.

IMHO

I asked my WW if she realized that she was "other woman" to someones elses wife. She showed little feeling for her. Appearnetly mOM tssed his wife under the bus pretty regular. In fact, in emails he sent to my WW last July, he complains to WW to keep quiet about everything until he gets a divorce as he would loose everything.

When I met with the BW I was very impressed with her. When she called me to talk about "them" she was very angry with my WW and called her a whore and a skank. I told her she hd every right to feel that way. She also said that they had problems in theor M but had been going to MC for 2 years and she thought things were getting better. This is how long he had been seeing my WW. :(

Ina testament to 'outing' the A to the other spouse - The mOM dumped my WW that night.

My WW sometimes tosses out at me that I have BW's phone number on speed dial. She seems to think we are going to have a RA. But thats her thinking. I told her that BW was sweet, attractive, intelligent and also very appreciative that I found her to tell her the truth. This drove my WW nuts. I can only hope that as this whole thing sinks in that my WW comes to realize just how horrible her actions have been.

I didn't talk directly with OW's fiance. I gave her the option to tell him. She lied. Now, they are all warm and fuzzy and still getting married. Oh, how I wish I had sent him those emails where my WH was throwing him under the bus. Bet things would have gone differently for them. Her life is chugging along great. Mine has been destroyed. Yep - I still hate her. Wish I didn't, but just can't help myself. She knew what she was doing. She just didn't care about anyone other than herself. That goes double for WH.

No, FWH refused to comprehend that he was the OM. I even reminded him that the BH was in his DD play in a ridiculous costume! What horrible father he must have been (NOT!). I pointed out that OW left her BH for him. FWH still maintains that the OW BH was not a nice man and that he was her KISA, a shoulder to lean upon. Really dude? I havent told FWH that in my mind he is a POSOM. He thinks I just misspell the name of those waddling little grey creatures with the rodent like tail.

VD2012 I go tyour point. Thatnsk for htis great thread.

Seriously. If you have a problem with that, tough. I'm not saying you can't, I simply said why I don't. It holds the hate close to your heart and lets it sit rotting there. Letting go of hate leads to a better life. Period.

Thanks for this. Its sage advice.

I've been harbouring hatred for the OM for a very long time. I could see it changing and eating away at me but I still let it grow. I'll work harder at it letting it go. I liked myself better before.

When you meet someone you become their friend.

You are still yourself, not just a friend, but yourself in entirety.

When you start to date and become close, you become their GF or BF.

When you become engaged, you become their fiance.

When you MARRY them, you become their WIFE or HUSBAND.

When you betray them, or knowingly pursue a MARRIED person, you become SCUM.

The title has been EARNED.

Until repentant acts have restored the lives of those affected, you deserve that title.

Yes, you are still yourself, with all your qualities, both good and bad, but you have now picked up some pretty awful ones as well, and as long as you are involved in infidelity in any way, due to your actions, or lack thereof, you are an adulterer.

A thief is a thief.

A murderer is a murderer.

An adulterer is an adulterer.

How do you feel about Hitler? All warm fuzzies?

I would like to think that someday I won't have the hate in my heart for the AP. It's been almost 2 years and I'm working towards it, but I'm not there.

I have no problem at all with her BS thinking and calling my SAWH every name in the book. As long as he's not trying to physically harm him, he's completely within his rights. To this one man, my husband is the worst of the worst, scum of the earth.

WH touched on that last year, briefly. I don't believe he's fully comprehended that there is someone out there that hates him just as much as I hate his AP. That he caused just as much harm to another person as he's seen me go through. He doesn't fully understand the depth and longevity of my pain, therefore he won't ever truly get the devastation that he has wrought. I don't think any WH, not matter how remorseful they are, truly CAN get it, unless they were previously a BS.

LoveHerStill

How do you feel about Hitler? All warm fuzzies?

Wow, I know what stage of this process your in.

I'm still there too, somewhat. But I feel the need to let the anger go. Not for him, for me.

If I got the change, I'd still do the &^*8*) POS down and small a warm and fuzzy smile. But that's not who I was before this happened and I'm not proud of the fact that its who I am now. I' want be the man I used to be.

Not because he doesn't deserve it. But because I do.

I think seeing OM3's BW and little baby (well, 1 year old) crushed my fww. I essentially forced her to face her and apologize. Even a month ago, she still asks about her with a deep sense of sorrow. (I still play golf with OMBW's father)

Look, infidelity is just one giant ball of fuckedupedness. This is just another fallout of the nuclear bomb that is called an affair...