SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

thank you for the very varied replies!! and for the suggestions... making notes.

This came up because I said very simply BEFORE it ever became an issue that should a lubricant be needed at any point, I would appreciate it if SO did NOT spit. His reaction was somewhat surprising to me as he reacted very strongly that he would never do this, that one did NOT do everything seen done in porn.

I have had no trouble voicing things in this relationship and I was trying to avoid a trigger from my marriage. I was just curious if there was a consensus here and if the men and women would see this differently.

I am sure SO knew my feelings since I asked it not be done, so I don't know if his feelings were genuine in all circumstances or if he was showing an abundance of respect for my feelings. I do know that it felt very pornlike and disrespectful to be spit on. That feeling compounded the need for lubrication as my arousal would wane and the saliva was not an effective lube IMO. Of course this was but one symptom of a very sad sex life as I have begun to accept.

I think that how a person feels about what is being done may have a lot to do with how the delivery and the intention of what is being done...

I have no problem using saliva, but I definitely wouldn't spit on her. Very disrespectful.

I find spitting to be disrespectful. I don't have a problem with saliva as lube. I've used it and had it used on me. It's all a matter of delivery.

But I tend to prefer an actual lube though because it seems to last longer than saliva.

I don't care for people spitting in public. I certainly don't want it done to me.

Saliva is fine.... just not spitting it at/on me.

Answer = Pennzoil

-t2g

As long as it was not a loogie an done in the heat of the moment I say HAWT

Just a good reason to have some nice lube for the next time maybe a shopping trip is in order for u 2 together ... That is very arousing from what I remember ...

Be in the moment ...

I had a feeling this was a Stretch thing.

Your SO sounds very different.

(((C9000)))

I tend to agree that spitting is disrespectful. Saliva as a lube - no worries, but spitting - nah.

I have reason to believe that OM spat on my XWW. As he was with his XWW for 16 years I can only assume that his sexual education has come from you porn. Lovely. Good luck with that honey!

I think my exwh did that to me. Remembering that reminds me of a saying I often read on SI, but with a twist: If someone shows you what they think of you, believe them.

Mouth to Hand to Head, do it often. Spitting no.

Another thing is that spit isn't actually used for lubricant in porn. They're lubed up and greased up. The spit in porn is *entirely* because porn thinks men want to see women get spit on. As someone who watched a lot of gay porn, it's much more rare there. And rimming is of course waaaaaaay more common.

Spit is just not sufficient as a lubricant for anybody's vag. If a lubricant is actually necessarily, spit isn't sufficient.

Spitting makes me

Personally, I would rather use KY or whatever actual lube we have on hand.

Saliva from oral (for both people) is different to me, than spitting.

eh, depends on the moment and the uh, tone, of things. it's not necessarily something that bothers me. i'm always surprised to see what offends people. to me it just seems pretty natural, unless it's done disrespectfully.

I wouldn't want to be spit on from a distance, I would imagine that would be cold, and kind of aggressive in a way I don't like. The sound would get to me too, but using saliva as a lubricant is fine by me. I see no problem with it, I don't think it's icky, it's handy, it's natural, and there's an overall exchange of bodily fluids anyway.

I think KY is sticky and most other lubes feel really unnatural to me.

organic coconut oil, it is a great lube, all natural too.

Gotta be careful with oils (including coconut oil) and latex condoms; oil causes the breakdown of latex, which can increase the risk of STD transmission and pregnancy.

Safer to use water-based lubes if you're in the wear-a-condom phase of a relationship.

Oh. Spit. Yeah, presentation matters. I don't have a problem with saliva as a lubricant. I don't want to be aware of being spat upon. It's not sexy.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:14 PM, September 14th (Friday)]

Oh. Spit. Yeah, presentation matters.

isn't this true in so much of everything really?

thanks again to all the replies. I find it beyond interesting and helpful to have such a safe place to discuss and process old and new feelings with you guys.

In reading replies, I do want to say "offended" wasn't really the right word FOR ME... it was more of disrespected. I don't think I had enough presence in my marriage to be offended. sad.

But my NB is anything but, so celebrate now and learn from history so as not to repeat it.

Sure I'll go there. lol

Ahem. For SOME people, it's ok to spit. It's like, you're so into it, you're just going for it . you know? lol. But, some people like it rough, and some people don't. I don't find it disrespectful, I think it's kinky.

Of course, if you're not into that, you should TOTALLY say something. But , I think you already came to that conclusion. I just had to add my $.02 .

The guy I am seeing and I were just talking about this the other night. I actually prefer saliva to lube. I am very sensitive down there and have had bad experiences with lubes before. Definately applied with the hand though, no hocking loogies!

I am very anti-spit in general (seeing someone spit on the sidewalk makes me gag). Not saliva, necessarily, but the act of spitting really grosses me out. So, the presence of saliva during certain intimate activities I can handle. Someone spitting in the bedroom? No. Just....no.