SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Year 2

I feel as if I have schizophrenia.

I love, I hate

I hate, I'm Indifferent

I'm indifferent, I'm scared

I'm scared, I'm hopeless

wash, rinse, and repeat.

Most of all I am just lost.

FML

Year two, here we go.

I love these posts that remind me I'm not the only one feeling the way I feel and that there is hope for a brighter future.

Year 2 is tough but as long as it's going to be worry getting through the hard stuff then that's all I need.

Oh geez, I totally forgot about this! The WTF hotel, not to be confused with the Hotel California. Because you can check out any time you want, but you CAN leave.

Wow...this popped up just when I needed it. There have been a few year two posts lately I have found helpful. I always find the support I need here.

Year 2...I thought I was going to be 'done' with this already because my fWH is so remorseful and doing so much to help me. Still....I visited WTF hotel all through Sept/Oct/Nov. December was the Plain and back to WTF hotel a few times. Now...I am submitting to that fact that this sucks and I can't change it. I actually feel like I am not banging my head on a brick wall anymore. Maybe this is the beginning of the elusive acceptance.

I feel you, need respect.

Year 2...I thought I was going to be 'done' with this already because my fWH is so remorseful and doing so much to help me. Still....I visited WTF hotel all through Sept/Oct/Nov. December was the Plain and back to WTF hotel a few times.

Reallysad, interests me to read this. My fWH is the same way. I was in the Plains in Dec. for sure and I expect to go back there someday. I guess I was in the Anger Lounge just last week. I think I am sitting on a train right now and its parking for a while...I am looking around. So far the view isn't bad.

All aboard!

Ahhhh the Hotel -- you found it!!! I loved the Hotel thread when I read it the first time.

I still remember being stuck between The Gym and The Lounge. Venturing into the Plain and heading back into the Gym. I was sooooo angry. I was afraid I was going to get stuck in the Gym forever and saw nothing out past The Plain, so why bother.

I made it out of there and out of the Plain and into Progress. You were right. That's why it's so easy to just say 'Yeah, what Rebreather said'.

Year 2 did suck but it did get better.

Yup, not digging year 2.

Ok, I'm still in my first year and it's a bit unnerving to see what year two holds (if we make it that long)

However, the analogy was clever!

Rebreather, your thread really nailed it! I think I'm on the plain of lethal flatness right now, hoping that a bus out will come by...

What I hate is people who think you should b over it by now. Like say my mother in law. Or my family who has said make a choice, divorce or just stop talking about it:(

They don't understand, year 2 is when it really hits like u said:(

Love this post.

Bumping it up for anyone who is entering or in the middle of year 2 right now.

[This message edited by DixieD at 10:45 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]

Last posted in Jan., so 4 months later, year two more resembles what needsrespect wrote...

I feel as if I have schizophrenia.

I love, I hate

I hate, I'm Indifferent

I'm indifferent, I'm scared

I'm scared, I'm hopeless

wash, rinse, and repeat.

Most of all I am just lost

.

I actually looked at the Alzheimer's web site the other night to see if I fit "early onset". My memory has been very poor.

I will add that I don't feel lost all the time. Some days I feel very hopeful. However, sadness now seems more to do with our FOO issues then with A thoughts. I don't spend a lot of time feeling sad about the A and I don't obsess anymore.

Thank goodness this train has comfy seats and interesting people to reach out and hold my hand once in a while.

Well done, Rebreaher. You are one clever woman.

make a choice, divorce or just stop talking about it:(

so good to read this. losing a friend, or at least our closeness, because of this.

Interesting that this was bumped recently. I have read several posts the last few weeks which said the same thing, but differently and some not so eloquently. The message was the same however.

This whole original post by Rebreather was so spot on, but this...

Beyond the Plain lies something called Progress and Healing and Real Acceptance. Be patient. It appears you must spend your time in the Hotel and the Plain before you can journey further. Eventually transportation will be provided. Don't ignore too many options for transport as you do not want to be stuck in either place for too long.

is so eerily true, it is scary. I was not ready to hear it when it was first posted. Thanks for bumping. :)

I'm feeling the first tendrils of acceptance here :)

start of year three..

[This message edited by rachelc at 12:39 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]

Still one of my all time favorite posts. Thank you, Rebreather. Just entered year three and glad to say goodbye to year 2, and I'm hoping and working for that healing and progress.

I just logged on to post something about Year Two and found this incredible post bumped up.

Here is my analogy, at two weeks in to Year Two. It's like when you watch a really intense scary movie and you can hardly take it in the first time, and then you go back and watch it again. You know the plot so you're not spending as much time trying to figure out what the hell is going on, but the intensity is still there, AND you notice other things that you missed when you were just trying to keep up with the plot the first time around.

I feel myself "doubling" in some way, reliving every day of last year but without the shock and trauma. It's such a constant undercurrent these past couple of weeks and I can't stop thinking about them together. I feel I have regressed. I'm trying to remind myself that we are really doing well! We are talking, sharing ourselves with each other, doing Retrouvaille post weekends, continuing with our outstanding MC, he is still in IC and still working hard. All that is really good! And I'm hoping it will carry me through this second round.

Sending comfort to everyone in Year Two.

I logged on earlier today, desperate for some relief. And this is the thread I read.

Year 2

I feel as if I have schizophrenia.

I love, I hate

I hate, I'm Indifferent

I'm indifferent, I'm scared

I'm scared, I'm hopeless

wash, rinse, and repeat.

Most of all I am just lost.

FML

Pretty sum sums it up. I know I can feel happy. But when I don't, I forget what it feels like. Scares the shit out of me.