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Frankly, I don't understand what your WW was so upset and crying about. She lied and blameshifted. I could understand her being upset if she truly admitted what she did and was ashamed and taking full responsibility for her actions, but she didn't. Just the same old same old.

Did you hear anything new from her, hurts?

She is remorseless. Wants to rugsweep, but you know all this. And, now she thinks she is done. Thats it, hurts has it all, and now he needs to move forward.

It sounds like you are willing to do this dance. I understand about your daughter. You are an incredible dad. You are willing to sacrifice your life for your daughter. You shouldn't have to, but, to be honest I don't know what I would do in the same situation.

Your ww doesn't deserve a man like you, you are way too good for her.

i think she actually thinks...its all behind us and we never have to talk about her "A" (6-yrs.) again..

Whether or not that's the case is up to you. She's still playing out the wayward script. Whether or not she will continue that is something she can control, how much of that you'll participate in is what you can control.

Its been almost one day since our couples session that was suppose to be the day WW talked and gave me all the information I was seeking

Since that didnt happen, and she still is working hard to control everything and control what information she gives me all i can say is i am "numb"

my heart was broken again only worse this time

i feel like i am stuck and have nowhere to turn.

our daughter is getting better day by day...with healing due to the 3 of us working hard as a family.

the only thing is...its all fake....were not a good family of 3.

its all make believe...

my insides are on fire...and i just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and not talk and not be seen by anyone..

i just want the pain to go away...

WW is sitting about 3 feet away from me on her ipad

and she thinks yesterday's session was a great break-thru

i dont know.... where to turn ...

me: FH (58)

her: WW (57)

LTA- 6 yrs (PA & EA)

with former boss

D-day march 13-2012

confrontation day: april 22

one daughter- beautiful 23yrs

together working on "R"

married 25yrs.last week

AP- married with 2 sons

this is by far the most emotionally painful time of my life i have ever experienced and there seems to be no light at the end of this tunnell

[This message edited by hurtsobadinside at 9:45 AM, September 30th (Sunday)]

Your pain is breaking my heart.

Are you sure that playing pretend family is what's good for your daughter? I don't know, I'm not saying it isn't, but they always say that kids "feel when something is off vwouldnt authenticity be better? Wouldn't it be better for her to have a dad that displays courage and not victim-ness (I know, not a real word...)

Your pain, it's not going anywhere. Your anger will come out soon enough. Your wife, not about to change anytime soon. It's not her ic's job to give her 2x4's and "fix" her for you. It's his job to support her and be there whenever *she* is ready to start working.

The best thing I ever did to our recovery was throw him out of the house on DDay. The entire tone if our R was established that day. He needed to work and beg and give me whatever the fuck I demanded in orded to get reentry permit. As it should be.

You teach people how to treat you and you are teaching your wife that she can get away with it. I'm afraid you are also modeling to your daughter a lesson about (un)healthy relationships and how they look like. (But again, I know how devastating ED is and don't know the right answer here).

Take care of yourself (for a change). Hugs.

Wow, so she and counselor built up this ONE big session, got your hopes up that you would finally get what you needed if you were just patient enough to wait for this session and then they let you down deeply.

That is soooo sad. I am sooo sorry you had to endure this on top of everything else.

(((((hurtsobadinside)))))

Grace

Honestly, I think you are teaching your daughter how to live in a world that is not real.

At this point it seems obvious that your wife is not going to be honest with you. I would start looking at avenues to work on counseling with you and your daughter so that you can work towards the family splitting and your daughter living with that reality.

Honestly, I think your daughter feels what is happening in this house and has for a long time. Maybe if she lived with you and you are authentically happy she would thrive.

I, too, would be surprised if your daughter isn't responding negatively to the vibes at home - but then I'm biased toward addressing issues directly (not that I'm so great at doing that).

I'm preparing for another A discussion, and I'm 21+ months out. Not everyone needs as much talk as I do, but at the same time, I think it was unrealistic to expect to get all the talk you wanted in one session.

If your W saw yesterday as the first opening up, to be followed by a lot more, it's breakthrough. If she sees it as the end, you've got very big trouble, IMO.

How many Cs are in your picture. I think you may be getting bad or conflicting advice, or that one or both of you are misinterpreting what the C(s) are saying.

Do you have a release from your W that allows her C to talk with you about her goals and progress?

Thank you again to all my friends on SI.

now to clarify our daughters situation...

Our Daughter knows absolutely nothing about the "A".

She has her own apartment and everytime we talk on the phone or are with her, we both go out of our way to make sure she feels safe and doesnt suspect anything.

We are both very concerned about any triggers for her sending her backwards.

Eating disorders are such a terrible mental sickness for families to deal with. and were going on over 3 yrs now and baby steps has been the progress we have seen lately on OCB and we cant afford anything that will send her backward

Ok. So the two of you are agreed that you are not going to tell your DD about the A. That's fine and I am glad that you are both agreed about this.

However, with compassion, that doesn't mean that you can't get in touch with your T and call a BS on this "big breakthru." It wasnt a breakthru, it wasn't the truth, and you got shafted.

You may owe your daughter a bit of a dance, but you do NOT owe your WW a rumba. May I sugest that you need to call your C and tell him exactly what you're saying here, and ask for another session ASAP to get this out. There's no reason why you should let your WW be all "goodie for me, I got it all out," and your C to support that when its a freaking lie. You need your C's support here your WW lied in counciling.

(((hugs)))

Ok, so if she doesn't live with you that makes things a bit easier.

You need to lay down the law with your wife. Period. She either steps up with being honest, or that's it. What she is doing with you and has done with you has been crazy.

Maybe you need to let her know that you have the truth, you need to hear it from her. If she refuses to put her big girl pants on then that is her choice. If she cannot learn to face what has happened, she is wide open to do this again.

hurts - I am so pissed for you I can hardly find words. How complicit do you think the counselor is in this whole charade?

I agree with calling the C and telling them your WW lied and you have proof. The mollycoddling with her needs to stop. Your WW set you up.

If you don't take a hard line with your WW you are just setting yourself up for more of the same. I don't know how you go off on a cruise in this situation.

I am so sorry it's headed in this direction. Peace to you.

To all my wonderful friends here on SI..

thank you...once again...

i cannot express enough my gratitude for all your help, guidance and tremendous support of me.

i have an appt in 3 days with C ..its an IC session.

I need to expres to her my disappointment.

all along C has said WW was not ready for the "big session" to answer all my questions....but WW said C was wrong...and she was ready to get all this out and over with.

C has also said she thinks WW needs a psychaitrist to help her with some other issues she thinks are gokng on.

WW has a 2 hrs IC session the day after my IC with same C.

Then we have another 2-hr couples session scheduled for this coming saturday..

so ill know much more after my IC....etc

everyone...again Thank you...!