SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One of my 19 year old sons is taking our D very hard. He's very angry at his dad, but misses him at the same time. Someone posted a thread about the same issue, and one of the responders (I don't remember who) suggested a book called "Parents Who Cheat - How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful" by Ana Nogales. So, I quickly ordered the book, hoping for some advice that might help my son.

Weeeeeelllllll.

There IS a lot of good advice in the book. BUT.

The author urges repeatedly that the (now adult) children should be sure to "consider the reason the infidelity took place". In one example, a woman describes her mother cheating on her father, after the father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. The daughter was an adolescent at the time. The daughter was made to lie to her father about where her mother was. Her mother eventually took the kids and left, leaving her father to die alone.

But, she realized as an adult that her mother was trying to "normalize" her life, and just couldn't take the stress of her ill father, and that's why she cheated repeatedly, and finally left. So, she felt she was finally able to understand why her mother cheated, and move on to forgiveness.

Another example was that, once an adult, a child realized that her father didn't support her mother's efforts to have a career. So her mother had an affair, left her dad, and married a man who did support her career.

This book is making me vomit! In almost every scenario, she urges the reader to consider that you don't really know what goes on in your parents marriages, and that there are usually "reasons" for infidelity!!!

I'm so angry right now I could scream. There may be reasons for a divorce, but there is NEVER an acceptable "reason" for infidelity!!!

WXH wanted to read this when I was done. Um, no. And no way will I recommend this to my kids. Even they are smart enough to know that there is never justification for cheating!!!

Save your money. Ugh.

That really sucks. I agree that there are reasons to divorce, reasons to cheat? No way.

I think it's time to shit-can THAT book. Just sayin.

That's disgusting! Please go online and give that book a BAD review, citing the same examples you listed here, so others will not waste their money on such bullshit.

Also, I would write the author and give him a piece of your mind.

Clearly it was written by a cheater.

I am so glad you read it first, SadMad2012! I agree with you - what a crock of shit!

There may be reasons for a divorce, but there is NEVER an acceptable "reason" for infidelity!!!

Amen!

In one example, a woman describes her mother cheating on her father, after the father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. The daughter was an adolescent at the time. The daughter was made to lie to her father about where her mother was. Her mother eventually took the kids and left, leaving her father to die alone.

Jesus, that mother is one cold-hearted bitch. Who in fuck cheats on a dying man, then leaves him to die alone, without even his kids surrounding him?

My cousin just died at age 54 from MS. About 10 years ago, my aunt found out that his wife had moved her OM INTO THE HOUSE. Moved him into the house with her terminally ill husband and their 2 young daughters. The daughters were providing round the clock care for their father while his wife was chasing rainbows and unicorns with her new friend.

I'm told the scene was epic when my aunt physically threw her DIL (now XDIL) out of the house. One of the daughters actually sided with her mother and moved in with her and the OM. The other daughter stayed and helped take care of him until he went into a nursing home. She ended up in a serious drug addiction but has been sober for 5 years now.

I didn't get to go to my cousin's funeral but that bitch XW had the nerve to show up. My sister and brother said that my aunt was very gracious. Better her than me, I guess.

If your son is 19 and aware of the infidelity, perhaps a read of "not just friends" would be helpful (I feel that it explains a lot about cheaters without demonizing them), and combine it with a book on handling anger or disappointment - doesn't have to be specific to cheating.

MFC, you're right, those are good ideas. I already have NJF...I keep my eye out for something else.

And ppga....great idea! I bought the book from Amazon (through the SI link, so maybe at least SI gets something out if this!), so I'm heading over there now to give the book the review it deserves!!