SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

to get back at the OW. I know I should be more angry at my H for cheating, but I am livid that this woman prayed on his loneliness at a time when she should have been a friend and nothing more. He was missing me horribly (we are in a LD relationship) and she offered herself to him and then tried to take him from me. He feels absolutely horrible about it (his friend told me this) and wishes he could take it back, but the only thing I keep thinking about is how to make her life miserable. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

No,

I spent months thinking of ways to get at her. My husband talked me out of all of them. Not to protect her but to protect me. Still want to punish her now though.

I felt the same. It does fade though, slowly. I think actually getting even is not really possible most of the time. They can wreck our lives with impunity but if we do anything back to them it quickly becomes 'harassment' etc. I have often wished it wasn't that way.

At the end of the day though, it is our partners who owe us the most, who should have turned down what was offered, or not looked for it in the first place. Eventually you probably will start thinking that more but it is normal to focus a lot on the OW. There is no right or wrong way to feel, there is just how you feel

the only thing I keep thinking about is how to make her life miserable.

I spent time pondering sentiment over the OM but it always came back as a big risk that I'd get in even bigger trouble. After a few months, I realized that I was making my life miserable being frustrated at trying make OM's life miserable. The only real solution was not to make their life miserable but to make mine better than theirs. It will take time to get past these feelings, but these feelings aren't wrong.

No, you aren't wrong at all. You just have to decide how far you are willing to go, and what you are willing to risk.

I was "lucky" in that my WH used whores, so all I did was consolidate info THEY posted on the internet, and forward that (anonymously) to their families and friends. It's not libel or slander if it's true and can be proven, and it's not harassement since THEY posted it first and I've made it very clear that I would never do anything physically because they aren't worth the consequences.

I would love the opportunity to get revenge on the OW. Nothing ever presents itself unfortunately. The only thing that happened to her was that she lost her job.

My FWH thinks that should satisfy me but it doesn't. A job is not that important to me like it is to him. Eventually she will get another one and move on to her next married coworker victim. OW and her BH supposedly divorced but there is no loss there for her either. She was his AP in his previous M and she was going to D him anyway as she is always trying to marry up and looking for the next man's bigger wallet.

I stalk her FB page and she has pictures of her and her new boyfriend posted. I read all their "I love you forever", "you are my life", "you are my soulmate", "I thank God that he brought you into my life" shit. How strange that just last year she was sending the same shit to my H. Apparently whores can love anyone quickly.

I want her to hurt for wrecking my life and my M. I want her to suffer for trying to take my H away from me. I want her to feel pain for coming to my home and having sex with my H in my bed. I want to smash her face in for all the times she called and sexted him while he was with me and our family during birthdays, holidays, and especially our anniversary. They ruined those events for me. I want so badly to be the one to administer her punishment.

In reality I know that it will never happen. I know that she will go on with her life and destroy another M as is her MO. The only thing I can count on is that one day she will have to stand before God and account for her behavior. HE is the only one that can truly punish her. Nothing I could ever do to her would have a lasting effect anyway. Not like what she did to me, this pain will stay with me the rest of my life. She basically got away with attempted murder of my marriage and my life. It just isn't fair.

It's been about 2 years here. I'm just now not having Destroy OW moments. It takes a lot of time.

I hear ya, Amecia. Don't feel bad about it -- it's completely understandable, and a good way to feel you have some control over someone who took control from you.

I have worked out in my head several plans of how to wreck her life if she ever breaks NC again. Nothing violent -- that's for my daydreams! All very calm, thorough, worked out in every detail to F$$$ up her marriage to her long-suffering BH, expose her to her mom (who is a cold b!!!! herself and will crush ho-worker's spirit if she finds out), and ruin her career.

If she comes to my house again, cops and restraining order to get the ball rolling, then proceed to above mentioned plans.

Yep, that skinny ass, big hair POS better not mess with me again.

Ok, I know I shouldn't give in but she makes it too easy. See, she is on parole. And my husband is an ex con. A felon. Very well known felon in his town. Plus she does drugs. Two big no-nos when on parole. So I was a teeny tiny bit evil. I called the probation office and snitched on her. If I'm lucky, she'll spend Christmas in prison. And she was almost done her parole. Darn. I am evil.

I'm 4 years out from fWH's LTA and I still have days...

On really bad R days, I think the ultimate revenge would have been to let her have him. I mean, no money (cause I'd take it all), his kids hate her and of course, he WOULD cheat on her (already was- with ME which SHE knew, I didn't)....but that's just the bad days.

I don't often post but this is one I just can't pass up

It's been 8 1/2 years for me and while I don't have these thoughts on a weekly basis, I do every couple months or so.

I don't think of it as "revenge". My mom always told me don't get even - get ahead. That's exactly what I plan on doing. SFB (stupid F***ing B***h) thinks she got off scott free, but if she keeps on the path she's walking, I will be able to EVICT her from her apartment complex she received from her mother when she died 8.5 years ago.

You see, if you don't pay your property taxes, there is a lien placed on it. You have a limited amount of time to pay your back taxes, if you don't, they auction off your debt. I plan on being the winning bidder on her lien. She hasn't paid her taxes in 5 years. It will all be done legally!

A friend of mine, along with another friend went to the local walmart and loaded up a cart with rope, shovels, duct tape etc. And proceeded to the layaway dept. Where her WH OW worked and said they'd like to put that stuff on layaway bah hah hah hah ha!!! Then told her never mind, we'll be needing this sooner. :)

GTMI,

My mom always told me don't get even - get ahead.

Your mom is awesome. And right of course, but there is something to be said for good ole "bite me" revenge. Or just thinking about it.

I personally think that taking the high road is overrated. You should get what you give, kwim?

Perhaps if we all weren't quite so damned civilized, we wouldn't be here now!

Revolt anyone??!!

Amecia, I do hope she enjoys the food in the pen. Perhaps make her a cake?

Keep us posted, and all venting aside, I hope you both get on the other side of this nightmare we are all in.

a friend of mine suggested that while she's in, I send her pics of H and I, all happy and enjoying ourselves. lol He also suggested I visit her while she's in county (you don't need to be on their visiting list then). I think I might do both, just to piss her off. lol I'm sorry, I've always been the "don't sink to their level" kind of girl, but this is different. You go after my family, you go after me and I will make you regret you were born. Must be the french bitch in me. lol

I could use some of that French Bitch karma bus you've got going!

You see, if you don't pay your property taxes, there is a lien placed on it. You have a limited amount of time to pay your back taxes, if you don't, they auction off your debt. I plan on being the winning bidder on her lien. She hasn't paid her taxes in 5 years. It will all be done legally!

Most awesome vindication EVER!

My mind has run the gamut - beat her up, or at least a good smack, I did call her husband, he did not believe it, even with semi proof, although they are now divorced... then I wondered if she realizes (or cares) about the lives she has wreaked havoc upon. That's if my husband's story of her pursuit of him is even true. Bottom line, he should have come to me.

I think it's somewhat healthy to imagine stuff we'd like to do to OPs. I keep thinking about writing a book. My dad had this HILARIOUS book years ago called "Getting Even: The Complete Book of Dirty Tricks."

It was full of nasty revenge ideas just for the general public, and also full of disclaimers such as "For entertainment only. We do not endorse any illegal activities." I would LOVE to put together a book of infidelity related revenge ideas, just for entertainment.

So if anybody has a pet revenge fantasy you'd like to contribute to my project, feel free to post here or pm me. I'll even give credit to your screen name if you so desire.

My favorites:

Just after dday, I seriously thought about packing up my vibrator with a note that said, "Since you seem to like my used sex toys I thought I'd send you this" and sending it to OW.

After she sent her trashy ass mother to threaten me with legal action for saying mean things about her on facebook, I considered taking out an ad in the newspaper where JM works (and she used to work) that said, "Apology/Correction: Pamela Ch.... is not a nasty whore and I apologize for implying that. Just because she slept with my husband and took money from him does not make her a bad person."

After my D from X-WH, who would never present himself to the family court here for jurisdiction, so no CS could ever be ordered, I fantasized about having him kidnapped and brought to SC and served, then forcibly tattoo his genitals with something that looked like a horrible disease. That way, he'd either be stuck looking like a contaminated man-whore forever or go through the pain of having it removed.