SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, I've fantasized about posting on FB about STBX's infidelity and awful parenting. I've thought about writing the husband of OW to "thank" him for letting me know about the infidelity (okay, it might read, "thanks for nothing"). But you're making an assumption about how they will react. I've become cynical, I admit, but over the year since I've been separated, I've learned that it's better to be popular rather than right, as most of his friends and family sided with my wayward husband, and gave me little or no support. I was married for 23 years, and I haven't gotten one phone call from the in-laws since we separated. I assume they are supporting their "poor, abandoned son."

Don't be shocked if you get a resounding silence in response.

My WH's AP is also unmarried. I seriously thought of standing outside her workplace with a sign saying "ask me what I think about Miss Ho"- the way I picketed outside the dentist who messed up my son's treatment and wanted to charge me twice. It helps to know the law and abide by it strictly, but even the satisfaction of doing it would not have reversed the 7 month affair.

I'm usually pretty gutsy and have no problem stating my opinion- not even caring about being "popular"...but the blowback would be pretty bad.

Homewrecked

I told everyone I came across pretty much from DD onwards. I did it to free myself of the shame of it and also to ensure it was very very difficult for R should I ever consider it.

If they were mutual friends and I came across them I'd tell them. I didn't bother telling his friends - their view of him is his problem now.

His family are going to support him no matter what (which I know they did whilst expressing deep disappointment in him - his mother blames herself). I expect they would support him without condoning what he has done/is doing. Maybe he's giving them a spin - again, his problem, not mine.

I would not expect his family to NOT support him unless he hurt me or the girls physically or was a danger to us in some way.

They are casualties of this too in losing their relationship with me. I am unable to have a relationship with anyone who supports him, even if they have to. I don't say this from a place of spite or anger, but from pain. It would be too painful to me.

I've fantasised about outing her, but am not sure it would do much good and it will rebound on my fWH and we are in R.

However, I have made it very clear to fWh, OW and OWH that if they every socialise again or breach NC or if I ever have to encounter her socially or professinally (My company is a client of their company)then she will be outed in public and humiliated and it wold probably lead to her loss of job. I hope she lives in fear of this everyday.

If introduced to her, I will say "I have heard of your reputation for picking up other people's husbands in your people carrier and shagging them...."

Better to fantatsise and frighten her than to carry it out. I thought I was outing her to the OWH, but he didn't seem bothered at all.

Ive wracked my brain trying to figure out how to cause some type of unpleasantness to ow, warn everyone's wife that she knows. I guess I could go to her work and have her call security. Finally concluded, shes untouchable, bitch got away with no consequences at all. Hey I know what I could do, send all of ws crap to her house and set him on her doorstep... Now that would be a great payback.

My FWWs OM was a drug tech at a recovery center (drugs).....he knew better!!!

Yeah...he soon lost his job...(i will never admit to having anything to do with that happening...).

My FWW was not a patient there....however they met at a AA meetings......every day. In a 12 step program...this is known as the 13th step...and its a HUGE no-no.....and as a drug tech...HE KNEW BETTER!

Bufffalo

Standing up...raising my hand. Yes, yes I outed her to as many friends And family that I could. I found that info in emails that she and my h exchanged with friends. You know the people they you send jokes to. Since they both worked for a local TV station her contacts were @ affiliate TV stations. I also sent emails to her grown daughter. I figured if my grown daughters know.so should hers. I felt no need to send letters warning them about their friend. Oh no... I forwarded every email I found between them to everyone. Including her.I wanted her to know what I did. The gossipy lady in HR? Yep her too. The board of directors? Yep.so what. Her former boss? Sure did. Thanked him for being so nice to her, when she went out of her way to help him keep his job.IE.going through his emails and desk while she was leaving love notes for my h. I didn't send her a copy of that. That little bomb was for later. I im'd her told her I would be glad to come up there and show what a bad idea it would be to contact me or my h again. She said something about police... slander..what ever. So I educated her on the point that she shoud have listened to my h. I am crazy,mean,or what ever . This is what happened when you deal with a married man. You get a pissed off wife. I'll come up there and paper the parking lot with your pics, and emails. If what I say is true... its not slander. Guess what.. she no longer works there. She had to train her replacement. She pines for and is in love with him to this day. She checks his linked in account for info on him or just to see his face. Rides by the house every 6 months. I don't regret it.I wish I did more to hurt her. As a matter of fact I warned her. I have a long memory.and since she is older I'll outlive her.if I ever get the chance to inflict pain on her I would. She has made a lifelong enemy. Look over her shoulder. Anything bad happen to you? I've had a hand in it someway. Even if its just wishing it on you.

[This message edited by openedupmyeyes at 6:13 AM, November 28th (Wednesday)]

WOW... never have I posted a topic with such differing opinions! And thanks for the sample letters to those who posted them. If I send something, it was going to be in mass produced letters but I like the idea of just confronting the little twurp.

The OM does not know that I know according to my WW. However, how can I really know what to believe from her right now??? And yes, she still works with him.

I talked to her about that a couple of nights ago as well as some other things. Obviously she needs a job but she's not exactly doing anything to work toward an eventual transfer or anything.

Obviously she needs a job but she's not exactly doing anything to work toward an eventual transfer or anything.

Might look at making that priority #1 before anything. Fighting for an unremorseful WS may be a waste of energy and outing the OM while contact is continuing may not work as well as you are hoping.

My WH's OW is unmarried, she recently broke off an engagement to another man because of WH.

She moved back home to her parents...who were aware of her relationship with WH, but thought he was divorced. A quick call to "mom" straightened that all out. At one point she tried to pull the "my daughter is the victim here"

I simply told her that her daughter knew about me, knew my children and had been a guest in my home, twice. She knew what she was doing.

At this point she was either laughing or sobbing...I figured I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and say crying. I was very calm, collected and professional in everything I said to her. It would have done me no good to lower myself to OW's level. I felt much better afterward. Then I had to deal with WH...

Mommy's are very forgiving and will usually go after whoever is harming their cub.

Not this Mommy. My children know for certain that I would never stand by and defend/support their bad behavior. They know quite well that I don't care if they are 2, 20, 35, 48, or 55 years old...if they are doing wrong I will speak my mind and let them know it. Period.

I agree with the Solution:

"It just takes ONE PERSON in the RIGHT POSITION to make a difference"

I have a 23 yr old son and I assure you I WOULD WANT to know if he was involved in an A. I would want to address it with him, do all that I could to correct his inappropriate behavior, and help him to develop a stronger character so he would not hurt others again.

So, if you contacted me (his Mom) I would thank you.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 1:00 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]

Bear in mind folks, all of you posting here are generally more inclined towards responsible behavior and expectations of the same from our kids. The unfortunate reality of this site is that not everyone is like that.

I'd disown my children if they behaved this way and didn't go on a quest for fire from the gods to make it right, but I've accepted the unhappy truth that not everyone else sees it that way.

Out the guy sure but like I said, don't expect anything other than serendipity. If you can confront and throw a scare into his ass without beating him down then hell yes do that.

wrt her still working with this guy? You can't R in that situation imo. If she isn't even trying to find something else while working with this guy then I would assume she's still involved in the affair. No, you can't believe anything she says right now. She has to earn that back.

I have a close male friend who found out one of his longtime guy friends had been screwing around with is wife the last year they were together before their divorce.

In all fairness, my male friend pretty much cheated the entire time they were married (it was a teenage marriage).

Anyway, after they separated and the divorce papers were in the pipeline, he found out about his STBxW and his so-called buddy.

Even though he was hardly in a position to throw stones, he nonetheless set out to get revenge - and in a hideous way.

He knew this guy had some fetishes and whatnot, so he did a random search for him on AdultFriendFinder and low and behold, there the guy was - nude pictures, profile, and what he was looking for..all visible to my friend.

Well, my male friend did a bunch of screen captures of that profile, making sure to get every single nude shot and every single word in his ex friend's profile (talking about the threesomes he was seeking and other wild things). He had the 'goods' on this guy, simply no doubt about it.

He made two color copies of everything on that AdultFriendFinder profile.

Then, he mailed one package to his ex-wife (who was blissfully 'in love' with pervert boy and had NO IDEA he was soliciting on a hookup site) and one to the guy's MOTHER.

I kid you not.

And she got it too, because the guy called a week after my friend mailed out the packages, screaming at him for having done it.

Yikes.

So my last post about the OM was in the "Facing the OM" forum where I reported how he pussied out of my meeting I set up.

I'm on the verge of sending out about 6 letters to female members of his family. My lawyer advises against it but she did not read the body of the letter. Main thing that scares me is that the family is Hispanic and people try to remind me that they would "circle the wagon" around him and maybe get aggressive or make trouble for me.

I formed the letter based on a few examples my SI friends here shared. It reads as follows:

Dear XXXX,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the life of Rudy XXXXXXXX. On October 23rd, I learned that Rudy has engaged in an adulterous affair with a co-worker at the XXXXXXXX. It began in the early part of 2011 and went on for anywhere from a few months to a year and 1/2. I know this because the woman he had an affair with was my wife of 15 years. They tried to do this in complete secrecy and kept their affair going no matter the consequences. Most or all of it happened in Rudy's home.

We have 2 children ages 15 and 10. Rudy and my wife still work in the same department and I cannot say with 100% certainty that the relationship is over (whether that be physical or emotional). I implore you to use whatever influence you may have on Rudy to convince him the error of his ways by interfering with a marriage and family. I think it is important to let you know so that you might do what you think necessary to correct his inappropriate behavior, and help him to develop a stronger character so he would not hurt others again.

If this notification has spoken to you in any way and you want more information or need to speak to me, I have no problem with that. You may call me at 479-XXX-XXXX or email at XXXXXXXX

Warmest regards,

Emphasise more on your children's future if your M ends due to the continuity of the A.

Rest is fine.

Best of luck. If you're lucky, A will stop. If he's a typical 23 year old, then he'll take more pleasure in hurting you.

How about sending a copy to the local police station ?

I've wanted to do this so, so many times.

I can tell OW has a sister with small children and I've been tempted (really, really tempted) to contact her. OW has told WH that if he wants to be with her he must cut contact with not only me but his children as well. I've wondered if this sister as a mother could do something. I can't imagine that anyone with small children would think that it was a remotely good idea but of course her loyalty ultimately lies with OW and I'm sure she'd put on the performance of a lifetime over it. I just ache for my poor kids over this...

happydays ,

Its strange you should mention that....

The OM's sister is a record keeper at the local police station and I was going to send her copy directly to her work!

Maybe I should report my activities to the police beforehand just so I have made the first preemptive move in case his cousins or friends decide to slash my tires or something....

thought about posting him on one of those cheating websites as someone who'll willingly fuck a married woman with children.

Hey, I don't mind making an enemy outta someone I just worry about the close-knit "brotherhood" family aspect of his Hispanic family and whether I'd be 'picking a fight' with all of them.

happydays ,

Its strange you should mention that....

The OM's sister is a record keeper at the local police station and I was going to send her copy directly to her work!

Maybe I should report my activities to the police beforehand just so I have made the first preemptive move in case his cousins or friends decide to slash my tires or something....

thought about posting him on one of those cheating websites as someone who'll willingly fuck a married woman with children.

Hey, I don't mind making an enemy outta someone I just worry about the close-knit "brotherhood" family aspect of his Hispanic family and whether I'd be 'picking a fight' with all of them.

Yes, if you are anticipating trouble then, it'll be a good move to inform the local law enforcement authorities and keep them in the loop. It sends out a message that you are covered in case the "brotherhood" tries something heroic.

I'm not very positive about the family giving some 2X4 to the 23 year old but the focus will shift away from you.

So expect very little to happen and focus on your wife after the letters go in the mail box.

Best of luck.