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In my case, no. I know this because she told. She told me and gawd-knows-who-else that saw him at the elevator at the hospital where they were both working at the time and said that after she came back from her foot or ankle or some other surgery that she was going after him. So, she felt no remorse, she wanted a husband and did not care that he was married.

I know - everyone here knows - he needed better boundaries and now, we get to deal with my broken heart and he (his words_ gets to spend the rest of his life making it up to me. This is no way to live and I hate her remorseless, husband hunting let's be friends soul for it.

do (single) OW ever feel any guilt or remorse when they knowingly have an A with a married man?

Yes. Both guilt and remorse.

Marial status doesn't have anything to do with remorse or regret. OW in my case was married and she has NO remorse whatsoever. She deliberately went after my H with the intent of destroying our M. He was her boss and she set out on a sexual campaign to get him. She used the ruse of being a beaten, abused wife to get his sympathy and get him to befriend her. Then the fliration and ego stroking started. At first, he was trying to help her as he believed her tears and her lies that her life was in danger. Then he enjoyed the attention, the flattery, the ego stroking she showered on him. Then he started having feelings for her when she started making sexual advances to him and keeping him sexually stimulated every day. He owns that he had very poor boundaries at the time. She finally succeeded in getting him in bed and then she started in on him divorcing me and her divorcing her BH so they could get married. He refused and told her that he wouldn't D me. When she finally realized that he really would not D me, she threw a fit and broke up with him. He told her to have a nice life and walked away but she begged him back by guilting him and promised that she would accept that he had a wife as long as he would stay in the A with her. She begged, cried, and pleaded so he gave in again.

He started catching her in lies and was trying to get away from her without me finding out and without her filing a false suit against him. He finally had the good sense to realize that he was in a hell of a mess. Idiot thought he could slowly get out of the A and just drift away from her without pissing her off. I finally found hard proof evidence of the A after his many denials and blew it wide open. When I found out about her telling him she was abused, I didn't believe it as no woman who is truly abused and in fear of being murdered by her H would dare have an A. She never looked like she had been hit and she dressed like a hooker for work. WTF??? No way would a controlling abusive H allow his wife to dress like that and work with a slew of men every day. I had her investigated and found out a whole bunch of crap on her. She was on her fourth H, had cheated in the past, was effing the previous married plant manager and that is how she got the job, was deep in debt, several kids in and out of wedlock, etc. My FWH was shocked that she wasn't the innocent, abused, in fear for her life, sweet woman she protrayed to him. He was stupid enough to believe that she had NEVER cheated before but he was just so "special". She didn't care about my notifying her BH as she was planning to D him anyway. He had served his purpose and was no longer useful to her. She laughed about it.

FWH has always accepted full responsibility for the A and never blamed her. He has maintained that he was responsible for his decision to get involved with her as he had a choice. Any fog he might have had for her was cleared up quickly when she started harassing me. She was furious that I didn't pack up and disappear like a good little girl and let her have my H. All that cunning and planning for nothing. The woman has no soul, no morals, no compassion, and I hope one day she gets as good as she has given. I have to be content with the fact that she is a pathetic loser whore that will never be happy and never know what real love is. I hold her more responsible for the A than him because he wasn't looking for an A, he was tricked into one. Doesn't excuse him and he has worked on his whys and now has really good strong boundaries. I do not hate him, I hate her and if the day comes that I have the chance to pay her back I will jump on it. Not likely to happen as we have moved far, far away and will never see or hear from her again.

My WW is the OW to a MM. She likes to justify her A by saying our marriage wasn't good. So I ask her if that is a good enough reason to give the BW and children of the OM. I get crickets...chirp chirp.

She was so busy thinking of herself she didn't care about the collateral damage she was causing.

Our OW is single never married, 35 at the time of A, desperate to marry with ticking ovaries. Our MC showed my H how he was "groomed" towards the A. He likened the OW to a pedophile who uses personal info, to write a script that usually never fails. I know she had no remorse after over a year out at our only face to face. I asked her if she knew the damage she had done. I got an immature eye roll and then a hateful toned answer of "it's been over a year. What is your problem?". She acted like an ignorant middle schooler who had been caught smoking. Not an adult whore who had nearly ruined a family and marriage.

Do I think grown adults can be taken advantage of by mentally ill sociopaths who have crafted their seduction and have no regrets? Yes, I heard it from her own nasty mouth, "I regret nothing. I am happy and peaceful with all of my decisions. Maybe your unhappiness is your own. Get over it". This one has NO guilt. She would have to admit she made a mistake and she never makes bad choices. It is my hang up that would see her choices as poor choices and she cannot control my reactions, only I can control the blah, blah, blah...

I see she has a new man in the same place my H was when she started her seduction. Married, stable, compassionate, children almost grown, nice wife with a few doubts about his life. She will find his injured spot in his soul and zero in. It will take about 6 months and she will be in his head. My heart tells me to go to his wife but my head says run the other way.

Edited spelling

[This message edited by Lovedyoumore at 12:17 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]

I know a couple fow and none of them seem remorseful. My mother used to be an OW to more than one MM and she flat out told me she is not sorry. My MIL is an OW turned wife stress, who won't admit she is. My SIL was OW who ended up being the BGF who got left for another Ow, though she won't admit it. My husband's aunt is my favorite type of OW an OW with 2, yes 2, OC. And she will still allow the MM in her bed if he comes down to visit, the oldest OC is 21, so its safe to say no remorse there. Does my family trigger me much ...

Bottom line is any of the OW's remorse in my sitch doesn't lessen my pain. They still tried to destroy me right along with my WH.

I posted a thread a while back about do you think the AP is laughing at us.

I feel there are two answers.

First, I think there are times where you might be dating someone and find out YOU are the OW or OM. Yup, had that happen. Granted it was when I was 17 yrs old and the guy I dated was from another high school. I felt awful. I felt like a monster hurting the other girl. She told me and I cried. He played us both.

Now, you have the cheating where the woman or man knowingly try to mess your life up because all that matters is THEIR happiness. No, I don't believe they are remorseful. I believe that they think they are in the right and that you are the one who should be remorseful because you are stealing their happiness.

I still sit here and see ow smiling and acting as if she got my H to flirt with her.

Edited because toyed on phone and I didn't like how it read, or create a t/j.

[This message edited by wanttofeelwhole at 5:26 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]

I actually have a theory on this. If the person was an OW when she was young and naive without a lot of relationship experience she is more likely to feel like crap and be remorseful in the future once she learns what commitment and adult relationships mean.

Older OW probably won't ever feel true remorse because they are stuck emotionally in highschool. From what I have seen including WS OW. They had a kid really young so they never experienced the normal growth line for relationships. Them having sex at a young age doesn't correlate to being an adult. People in highschool are replaceable including their relationships. I think some of them still keep that mentality and don't understand true commitment.

WS's OW had a kid at 15. She married some loser than got divorced. She lives with her parents. She is single and has casual relationships. She sleeps with a bunch of people who don't care about her. She basically has EA with people because she knows if she sleeps with them that is the end of it. WS wasn't her first EA and won't be her last because it is the only way for her to feel cared about.

I know for a fact that MOw feels no guilt or remorse. She wasn't looking for a relationship, she was looking for a strange c***. Unfortunately, WH volunteered his after some persuasion from her. She not only told me "it takes two" when I confronted her but she even tried to stop WH in the store a few weeks ago (over 10 months post DDay and NC) to say hi to him!!! No remorse and certainly no shame! She got what she wanted and had no concern for who it affected.

I would have liked to believe that the OW in my situation did, but she's been the single OW in THREE more affairs since then, one of them which resulted in ANOTHER OC.

So yes, sometimes OW orchestrate them.

I knew someone who was an OM in three relationships (that I knew of) He was 40 at the time I knew him, single, never married. No kids. I asked him about it once.

He had absolutely no remorse, no guilt. In his mind, something about him had to be very special to have lured a married woman away from her husband and her marriage to be with him. And he felt he was doing nothing wrong, because it was "her" choice to be with him. He said he didn't force her to. She must have been unhappy or she wouldn't have chosen him, that kind of stuff. He used the excuse that their marriage wasn't "really" a marriage since they obviously couldn't be getting along or they wouldn't be with him. So I guess in his mind, they was a good enough reason.

Since others have mentioned MOW's, I'll add the one comment (among many) that stands out. After D-Day when my H immediately dumped her, she blogged this gem "why can't his wife just accept it?"

She never had remorse as she never thought what they did was wrong.

I think they can, but I do think a higher percentage of married OW/OM feel guilty/remorseful than single ones. The fallout is so up close and personal, they can see the impact it has on their family, that can force them to consider the impact it had on the OP's family, etc.

Single OPs, I think, are more likely to have thought their affair was a legit relationship that should be taken just as seriously as the marriage. Sometimes more seriously. They will often frame themselves as the actual BS, probably because they don't go home every night and have to look the people they betrayed in the face.

Again, just my opinion.

[This message edited by ladyvorkosigan at 8:49 AM, December 5th (Wednesday)]

The OW..... she is of no importance to me. I do not care if she is guilty or remorseful. In my opinion, she is an immoral, disrespectful person that does not deserve a moment of my time.

OW knowingly texted and called my WH. The relationship was innocent at first and gradually progressed to texting/nude pics/sexting. She knowingly came onto a military base (about 6 HOURS away from her home - she was on a business trip and on her way home) and made out with him in the parking lot at his work. She knew we were having marital problems, she knew we were starting marriage counseling, and on several occasions he tried to break it off. She pushed and pushed and drew him back until I found out. For 4 weeks after she emailed him, sad for the loss of their relationship but never a word of remorse for what they had done.

So with all that in mind, she is worthless. She does not even deserve me writing about her like I did above. It is her shame to live with, not mine. Yes, my marriage had problems and without her in the picture, we were able to very quickly remedy them.

So, is she remorseful/guilty. Not sure.... don't care.

I don't think most single OP really care much at all. There are a few people who get their heads out of their asses and recognize what they've done, no doubt. At the end of they day they're human also so that means they have the same capacity for "What the fuck did I just do?" as anyone else.

As for married OP, I really don't see the point in differentiating their motives from our WS. My wife isn't any different from your WH.

wrt the OP orchestrating things - no. Our WS all knew what they were doing and collaborated. That they were lying to each other as well as us BS is really just to be expected. They used each other, neither is crueler or more villainous than the other.

I don't think my ws divorced ow feels any guilt. She knew me and my kids. She found out through ws bf that we were having problems. She let it be known she was interested. She would wait for me to go to my oldest kids game, then she scurry over to ws and

talk to him til I came back. He of course loved the attention. They both make me fucking sick. They acted like horny teenagers. It was sickening how giddy he got when he thought she was going to be at the games. Now I'm pissed just thinking about it.