SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've seen this term in a few different posts and am not sure what it means? Any thing I should be reading in the library to learn more about what my WS is doing (blameshifting....), how to take care of myself? I am not living with him and there is little to no hope of a reconciliation at this point in time. He's still with the OW.

Hi Dawn,

Cake-eating is a derivative of the phrase "he wants to have his cake and eat it too.". It is basically when they are trying to have both their marriage and their AP. Cake-eating is always destructive and causes more pain. If he is with OW, then I recommend you just focus on taking care of you and DETACH from him. If he is not remorseful, then he can only cause you more pain.

Be mindful that you are getting hydration and nutrition. Try to get some exercise to release some of the tension and anxiety. Do some of your favorite things that make YOU happy and are all about YOU.

Keep posting here and also lean on your trusted friends and family in real life. Read in the healing library.

I know this is such a painful and confusing time and sometimes you feel like you don't know which way is up. Hang in there. We will help you. I promise it will get better.

(((dawn58)))

[This message edited by NoTriangles at 9:07 AM, December 16th (Sunday)]

I noticed the title to your thread and it really hit a chord! That is exactly how my WS's affair was. She wanted the OM for the thrill even though he was into drugs, was an alcholic and at times unemployed. She came back to me for the secure life.

I hope this insight gives you an example of "cake eating" which is a very selfish act on his part. The best thing for you to do is to concentrate on yourself! Take care of your health and do the things that you like to do. Don't let his selfishness interfere with your needs.

My WH is more of a literal cake eater. He stays out all night with the OW and comes home and eats my food. It is completely galling to see him help himself to food I have made for my DD and I. But he is supposed to move out in January. Then he will no longer be a cake eater simply a man deep in MLC headed towards his second divorce.

as for blame shifting, my WH does that too. and from reading SI, I know that it is common. It blindsided me at first. How could he be so angry at me since I have done nothing to him? From reading other people's posts here, I now know this is part of the pattern.

I almost can't stand a piece of cake anymore, it reminds me of my marriage. Cake-eaters are the most disgusting and vile cheaters out there. They want the stability of their marriage and the good time of cheating.

I tell my husband that I want to be the "good time girl". I want to be the one who can show up for dates dressed nicely without a responsibility in the world. That whore doesn't have to deal with finances, children, jobs, families, etc., etc., etc. All she does is show up with her legs and mouth open for him to insert his dick into for a good time.

What an ego booster for him! He has the wife at home taking care of every responsibility while he goes outside to play.

I am trying to throw out my cake-eater but just don't have the guts to do it right now. Don't ask me why. My motto used to be that "being with a loser is worse than being alone" but for some reason I have settled. And settled I have, he doesn't deserve me. In face, none of these cake-eaters deserver the good spouses they have!