I saw it pre A as gaslighting about something, then silent treatment, then rage from her for years. She would excuse it by saying "I'm not much of a talker."
Also,Passive aggressive about something, sulk away, then when asked about it, silent treatment, and anger if I "pushed the issue."
As entitlement by never finishing the last of anything opening/using new item. Doing something that continually resulted in a terrible outcome, then when I'd say, "try this", or "let me teach you", it was all "Oh, so it's SLeaders way, or no way", "you think I'm so stupid", even when I'd say if you have a better way, I'm all ears (NPD folks it seems CAN NOT stand to be wrong, or even remotely constructively criticized).
My God, what I faced if she asked which shoe/skirt/dress I liked better; if it was not what she thought I would say, it went flying in a rage, then her mood was seemingly pissed at me and dismissive?
Post A
Asking about her affair, no matter how gentle, she will/would instantly, and very angrily go to "oh, so that's all it's about", then either storm out of the room and drive away because she says "you only ask because you are trying to hurt, and humiliate me." She would also run to the bedroom, slam and lock the door, and start the silent treatment/turn the TV up to 1000. If I would try to talk through the door, the only break in silence would be "keep acting like a raving lunatic". Looking back, my keeping engaged, only seemed to fuel her.
If I attempted A talk in the bedroom, she would put her fingers in her ears, cover her head with a pillow, then after a few seconds (It was always a five count), storm out in a rage. For years I even had a saying I would tell her: "5 count -------.", it was so predictable how long from me saying anything that might dare "piss her off", til she would up and leave.
Her complete lack of empathy/remorse by telling me to "grow up and get over it", my daughter told "I don't see how this (A) affects you so much", Complete physical rage at the idea people/family/work would find out, her telling me she has no regret (let alone remorse) for her A, and 100% blame on me for it, seems to strongly suggest NPD of some type.
Lastly, her mentioning in a letter to me that DD and I suggested IC, she wrote: "I don't see how it can help me", only seems to strengthen my believe in something ain't right with her... Can't fix what you don't/won't admit exists, so keep avoiding the truth. This shit can really make you doubt your own sanity!