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I also experienced this especially early on. And honestly I still do cry sometimes. What really helped me work through it was sharing it with FWH. He doesn't like it, but he knows it's a consequence of the A. And having FWH hold me afterwards while I cried for as long as I cried and just being loving really helped me work through it. Again, it wasn't a cure-all because it didn't change the facts or the loss of specialness as others have dicussed, but it made it less of a taboo and more just one of those new things we have to adjust to.

Because I was so stressed out about my car, as I was running I tripped and fell. It didn't hurt much, but suddenly I couldn't stop crying. The physical signal of pain to the brain seemed to allow me to release my stress/emotions about my car. Maybe your physical release is allowing your emotional release.

I think that is an excellent explanation for this phenomena.

Most people have touched on why this happens. All of us BSs struggle daily, hourly, "secondly" even to keep the wolves at bay. We have to fight off the demons that want to attack us and over-whelm us with the thoughts of everything (not just love-making) that was once so special and safe and is simply no longer the same. We have all felt it. This battle is hard, deep, exhausting and constant. Every extra weight on our shoulders, whether it be car problems, a head-cold, a problem at work, a problem with kids or relatives, etc seems harder to deal with. We have to constantly remind ourselves that we have to be stronger than before, stronger than ever, because we have to be if we want to survive and recover. It would be so easy to curl up into a ball and cry and be held and have the world take care of us for the cruel betrayal and injustices that were done to us. Sadly, the world does not stop for us while we regroup, recover, reconcile. This is a daunting task and the emotional walls we build are the only things that keep the demons away. We have to be ever-vigilant and keep out the bad guys but still allow the good guys to pass. Sometimes it's too much and we let down our guards and we cry.

Unfortunately, there is ONE time when the walls are guaranteed to come down and every good, bad or indifferent emotion can come crashing in on us. That is when we make love and lose ourselves and our emotional house-keeping tasks in the wonderful afterglow of an orgasm. The better the orgasm, the more distracted we are from our routine protective mechanisms. If the bad spirits surround us, that's what will rush in if allowed.

ItsaClimb had the best advice. Share with your WS what is going on and give them the task of defending you while your castles defenses are down. After all, they are the ones who put us in the place where we need the assist. Have them protect you with loving words and thoughts of the happiest times you've had together. Eventually the wolves with starve and go away and be replaced by the new norm.

[This message edited by exhaustedHeart at 9:20 AM, January 18th (Friday)]

First off...congratulations on the orgasms...many women can't get to that level...so that in itself is a great thing to focus on. As for the crying, maybe you and WH can just use that as another bonding tool where he holds you through this short period. You still may not feel 100% secure yet, and the crying may just be a reaction to the immense release of orgasm.

When WH and I first started having sex, I was less experienced then he was, and I had a hard time getting comfortable enough to let go and enjoy it. He was (and still is) so patient and gentle with me. I remember when I finally was able to let go, after I started bawling, which obviously scared the shit out of him. But they were tears of happiness, and I realized I was completely in love with him.

Fast forward to the day after D-Day... That night, still in shock from the day before, we both drank way too much (well, we were on vacation with our friends and trying to make it look like everything was fine) and went to bed.(TMI ahead) In the middle of my going down on him, I just lost it. I started sobbing, saying I was sorry for being such a lousy wife that he had to seek attention elsewhere, etc... It was awful. Definitely a low,low point for both of us.

Just funny (not funny ha-ha), how crying during sex can mean 2 completely different things...

[This message edited by Hunter23 at 10:46 AM, January 18th (Friday)]