SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Would it upset a guy (G) to know that his best male friend (BMF) had a short EA and one-time sex with the guy's recent X?

This G has quite a few of his own shortcomings, but he is the type of person that you could call if your car broke down at 3am on a weekday night in a blizzard...and he would come and get you.

G spent many hours confiding in BMF about the stormy relationship between himself and X. G then moved a short distance away and communication between G and BMF lessened. During this time period BMF ran into G's X and she offered to tell him *her* side of the story. BMF took the bait...began texting and meeting for lunch....ended up having sex with her a month after first bumping into her. BMF was also involved with a different girl at this time--yes, he is just a cheating dog. (An aside, BMF doesn't even like G's X, he thinks she's a bitch).

Anyway. Communication between G and BMF has resumed and I'm sure that BMF has no intention of telling G about his sexual encounter with G's X.....even though G informed BMF that he still talks to X occasionally.

I personally would be pissed if I was G....but I know that there are just as many people that wouldn't see it as a big deal.

So where do *you* fall on this issue?

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 1:55 PM, January 16th (Wednesday)]

Since we're doing this in acronyms, I would be like this: FTG!

LOL I'm not a guy but I second FTG as well. FTG ADL! (all day long. I just made that up LOL).

I know......acronyms Sorry.

But who is the G in our FTG? The guy with the X or the BMF that had sex with the X?

FTBMFG.

Yea....BMF is not a good guy.

It would bother me, but then I would not have (have not had) a "player" as a BMF. I know other guys who would say DUDE! and high five him (or fist bump? am I showing my age?). It really depends on the G. I once dated a girl I did not know had once dated, and was broken up from, a casual friend. When this friend found out he went nuts asking me how I could do that and calling up this girl he was no longer dating to bitch at her.

Really depends on the guy.

I don't think G realizes exactly how much of a player the BMF is. BMF was married for a long time and didn't share the tales of his extra-curricular activities with everyone. I guess that part that is bugging me is the level of deception that is involved here....but I'm pretty sensitive to that these days.

BROS BEFORE HOS WOOOOOOO

http://youtu.be/8tqEBQjWRws

OFC I'd be upset to find out my best friend was a cheating douchebag. I'd tell him to FOADIAF.

Um...now I think I might be OK with it - if my W becomes my XW, there'll be strong emphasis on the 'X'. This happened to me when I was 19 and a lot less secure than I am now, and I felt as if I had been gutted by a cannon shot.

The guy who became the OM in my second marriage was my best friend from high school. He slept with my ex-wife a few times about a month after we divorced.

I thought it was weird, but didn't care given that she was, you know, my ex. Because I didn't inquire about the depth of their relationship, I just made sure that I didn't share deeply with him about my side of the divorce proceedings. Once the D was final, we resumed our friendship fully.

When he decided to sleep with my current wife, that was the point that I realized that this was guy who just couldn't get enough of my sloppy seconds.

Ok, WAL. My mind immediately flashed to that movie where the roommate tried to *take over* the other girl's life. That's just creepy.

BMF is a POS

Well I am an F...but in my world you NEVER date an X to any of your friends...

I guess not everyone feels the same way cuz my friend screwed my H, maybe she thought the rule only applied with Xes?

SPS! (some people suck)

I think it is one of those things where you just ask the friend if he is ok with it. gf maybe a month, but an X, I'd give that a year.

If it is an acquaintance, it is what it is. But you referred to them as a best friend, which I would assume implies a "good" friend. A good friend wouldn't do that, or stay a good friend if they did.

I am an F...but in my world you NEVER date an X to any of your friends...

What is an *F* in this scenario? ....and your world is also my world. Which is why I floated this out to SI.

Here's an interesting corollary story concerning my MIL. MIL had a BF during HS and they stayed friends afterwards. Her BF's H was a dick to her...he treated her like shit. Picture *cop on an ego trip*. MIL's BF ended up D'ing her cheating asshole H. Life goes on and her BF is just not a happy person and ends up committing suicide a few years ago. Guess what? MIL has been involved with her BF's X for over a year now....because apparently her BF *made up* all of those stories about how evil her X was and MIL didn't know the *full* picture and BF's X is a totally different guy now.

I'm sorry, but that shit doesn't *fly* in my world. I did have the opportunity to be around the BF's X and he doesn't seem like an evil guy, but I cannot embrace the fact that my MIL is involved with this guy. I think it's wrong in principle....even if he has turned into some sort of choirboy.

What is an *F* in this scenario?

Sorry Gonna, a female

I think it's wrong in principle....even if he has turned into some sort of choirboy.

Ditto

Ewwww... I'd rather sew it up.

Your mates' exes are off limits. Period. BMF is out of order.

Your mates' exes are off limits. Period. BMF is out of order.

^^^This...one of the few unwritten rules between true friends. It's bascially frickin man law. The only exception and honestly using this exception puts you in a different (lesser) category of friend in my mind, is if you ask permission prior to trying to date or sleep with the X. At the bare minimum you are supposed to let your friend know so he isn't blindsided in some future argument/discussion with the X.

BMF in this case sounds like a douche to me. His first call after "running into X" should have been to G but since he didn't he is a douche.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:35 AM, January 17th (Thursday)]