Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Sunflower96

Divorce/Separation :
Today in counseling, i learned...

This Topic is Archived
default

 KeepOnMovin (original poster member #38245) posted at 5:10 AM on Thursday, February 7th, 2013

So, I fired the counselor.

STBXWW not happy. First thing she texted me, "I think you want someone to say it is all my fault"

It's not that at all. I'm just not liking the direction this has been going.

Several hours later she texted that DS10 really needs to see that IC. And has been asking. Turns out this is actually true. (Wasn't sure she was capable of truth)

Seems like if the kids were the main concern, she would have written that before the whole make me feel guilty thing...

Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

posts: 601   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6209253
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 7:27 AM on Thursday, February 7th, 2013

I'm glad you fired her. Now please stay strong and find someone else to be a counselor for your kids. The one you just fired has an agenda. She should not be counseling your children.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6209312
default

SBB ( member #35229) posted at 10:03 AM on Thursday, February 7th, 2013

^^Ditto. I'd be looking for a childrens specialist - not a jack of all trades, master of none.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6209348
default

Caligirl9566 ( new member #38694) posted at 5:42 AM on Friday, April 26th, 2013

Hang in there, as someone said you will get through this.

My 15 yr old is not dealing with this in house separation very well. His grades have dropped and he's really quite and keeps to himself. My IC told me to just keep reassuring him that everything will be fine and I love him.

Good luck to you and sending big hugs!!!

Me/BS 46
Him/WH 51
Married 17yrs
DD 2/12/2013
R but I just don't know

posts: 29   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Florida
id 6312476
default

damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 2:24 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2013

Your counselor is a moron. Kids losing respect for the wayward parent is a normal consequence of cheating. Maybe she should try taking some responsibility for the damage she has caused to her children's lives.

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

posts: 49560   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2004   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 6312795
default

Heavy Sigh ( member #34243) posted at 3:30 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2013

I doubt this will be helpful, but agree on the "show" respect rather than feel it - for now.

Tell your kids that one day when they're adults and married, they'll need their mother to babysit the kids when child care is closed, the baby has a fever and you're both exhausted and you need a nap, or when they want time together to keep their marriage strong, working on it every day, and not letting things slide.

So to just be nice to her now. Kind of like how really slimy rich people keep their kids speaking to them and showing respect - because they want to the cash.

They can work out the rest over a longer time. Just make sure to tell your sons not to take out their anger with their mother on future girlfriends or one-day wives. I have a daughter, and worry one day my daughter will be treated disrespectfully by a husband with anger issues and distrust that came from his relationship with a parent.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 9:35 AM, April 26th (Friday)]

posts: 1926   ·   registered: Dec. 18th, 2011
id 6312888
default

 KeepOnMovin (original poster member #38245) posted at 5:54 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2013

Wow! This is kind of an old-ish thread, but I think an update might be worthwhile if anybody is still following it.

I screwed up. I should have listened to the folks on SI rather than my crappy counselor. Here’s the background.

At the time of this thread, DS15 was really upset with his mom. I found out from his GF’s mother that he learned STBX was having an affair. He refused to spend any time with her and wouldn’t speak to her.

All of the SI folks and my IRL friends reinforced that I should respect his anger and his wishes NOT to be forced to spend time with STBX. Well, I was ‘moved’ by STBX’s crocodile tears and counselor at the time really pushed me to make him spend time with STBX and basically rug sweep the affair. The counselor openly advocated lying to DS15. Her rationale was, “is it really lying if you tell your child a shot won’t hurt or the medicine really doesn’t taste that bad?”

Well, denying what he knows is fucking lying. Well, I basically rugswept the infidelity. I didn’t respect DS15’s wishes by forcing him to spend time with STBX. I reinforced how much she loves him and he needs to show her respect.

How did this turn around and kick me in the gut? Well, my relationship with him has suffered. He was really P/A for a while and finally told me that I don’t listen to him, thus I don’t care about his feelings. Well, I do care for him, but I also understand how I did not respect his feelings.

Furthermore, STBX lied to him about a Christmas gift she received from OM. She told him it was from a gay friend of hers and there is no OM. She has befriended DS15’s GF and GF’s mom, to help align him with her (whereas before she didn’t approve of the relationship). And now, she offered to give him her jeep when he turns 16. (it was the Jeep I bought her for her 40th birthday.)

Sometimes taking the high road can be lonely. Hope it's the right thing to do in the end.

Ever seen the quote, “Never lie to someone who trusts you, and never trust someone who lies to you.”? Know it and live it. No, the kids don’t need to know the details and they don’t need to be burdened with ‘adult issues’. But please, DO respect their feelings and be truthful.

Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

posts: 601   ·   registered: Jan. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6313150
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy