Wow! This is kind of an old-ish thread, but I think an update might be worthwhile if anybody is still following it.
I screwed up. I should have listened to the folks on SI rather than my crappy counselor. Here’s the background.
At the time of this thread, DS15 was really upset with his mom. I found out from his GF’s mother that he learned STBX was having an affair. He refused to spend any time with her and wouldn’t speak to her.
All of the SI folks and my IRL friends reinforced that I should respect his anger and his wishes NOT to be forced to spend time with STBX. Well, I was ‘moved’ by STBX’s crocodile tears and counselor at the time really pushed me to make him spend time with STBX and basically rug sweep the affair. The counselor openly advocated lying to DS15. Her rationale was, “is it really lying if you tell your child a shot won’t hurt or the medicine really doesn’t taste that bad?”
Well, denying what he knows is fucking lying. Well, I basically rugswept the infidelity. I didn’t respect DS15’s wishes by forcing him to spend time with STBX. I reinforced how much she loves him and he needs to show her respect.
How did this turn around and kick me in the gut? Well, my relationship with him has suffered. He was really P/A for a while and finally told me that I don’t listen to him, thus I don’t care about his feelings. Well, I do care for him, but I also understand how I did not respect his feelings.
Furthermore, STBX lied to him about a Christmas gift she received from OM. She told him it was from a gay friend of hers and there is no OM. She has befriended DS15’s GF and GF’s mom, to help align him with her (whereas before she didn’t approve of the relationship). And now, she offered to give him her jeep when he turns 16. (it was the Jeep I bought her for her 40th birthday.)
Sometimes taking the high road can be lonely. Hope it's the right thing to do in the end.
Ever seen the quote, “Never lie to someone who trusts you, and never trust someone who lies to you.”? Know it and live it. No, the kids don’t need to know the details and they don’t need to be burdened with ‘adult issues’. But please, DO respect their feelings and be truthful.