SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Think about that.. he tells you how hurt he was by old Aubrie, because you aren't that person any longer. No longer a threat, no longer going to belittle him or hurt him. You will HEAR him. That is huge.

I think this is a huge step when this happens in R. It is when you know that some measure of trust is being established again.

Mr. Aubrie doesn't lurk on SI much anymore. But he got on so he could read this thread. I think it's helped him.

Think about that.. he tells you how hurt he was by old Aubrie, because you aren't that person any longer. No longer a threat, no longer going to belittle him or hurt him. You will HEAR him. That is huge.

Meta, he said you totally nailed it. There are times when he's feeling something and doesn't know how to convey it. Your phrase was how he feels exactly. He said, "Yes! This! Totally!" Thanks for helping him find the words.

KB, I'm not a quite person. Since we've been dealing with all this, I have learned to stay silent and think before I open my mouth. For you it's the stuttering/stammering. For me, it's quietness. It's kinda funny because he's so not used to that out of me. He'll be talking. I'm just listening. He'll look at me "Ummm, why aren't you talking...?" At fist I think it threw him off, scared him a bit, but now he recognizes that I've learned to just shut. up. (For the most part)

I was so mean. So very cruel. Who did I think I was to say those terrible things to him? To beat him over the head with it? I had so much hate and anger towards his family. I could see what they were doing. But I couldn't see it in myself. Yeah, I know. Hypocrite.

I can remember this, too. I went through a hard time when I finally faced my abusive past and was diagnosed with PTSD. I was out of control sometimes with my lashing and anger. I took so much out on him. He told me at the time, I remember some of it, but I was so consumed in my pain I didn't hear him.

It's a harsh reality to learn that you were exactly what you were trying to avoid from your past pains. I am so glad that you are working on it together. It really is a beautiful thing to see as hard as it may be from the inside. Keep your head up, heart strong, and love love love.

HUGE, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS (((HUGS))) to you my friend. And to Mr. Aubrie.

CM!! Hiiiiii! Geez I miss you!

KB, I'm not a quite person. Since we've been dealing with all this, I have learned to stay silent and think before I open my mouth. For you it's the stuttering/stammering. For me, it's quietness. It's kinda funny because he's so not used to that out of me. He'll be talking. I'm just listening. He'll look at me "Ummm, why aren't you talking...?" At fist I think it threw him off, scared him a bit, but now he recognizes that I've learned to just shut. up. (For the most part)

I've had the "quiet" thing already, partly because I'm non-confrontational (I don't like arguing), and partly because I'm horrible with expressing myself properly/correctly during any kind of tense argument situation. I can see how that could be a major change in someone who doesn't normally sit quietly during conversation.