SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

All of your responses are valid, and I am seriously considering every viewpoint and opinion. I have been with this man since I was 15 years old, never been with someone else, so it is extremely hard to come to terms with what is happening.

To take a step back, he had worked with the OW for about 3 years prior, and he said that he never did anything with her prior to November. If I believe him, I am not sure. He was going through a lot of stress at work, and was not happy at all. He would come home almost everyday and talk to me forever about what was happening, and I would always listen. As the stress at work continued, he would bring his anger and resentment towards his job home to me...which made me tune out and not be as sexually active as he would like. I admit that the sex was lacking, but being sexual with a man who is taking out his frustrations on me everyday was nearly impossible for me. This adds to his validation of why he cheated on me, although he states that he clearly now sees why I felt that way, and that he got caught up in the attention and sense of understanding from this OW.

I am not sure how much more I can take if he does not tell her the truth about our relationship. I certainly was not expecting to be in this situation, and I cannot let him do what is best for him or her without considering what is best for me OR our relationship.

As for now, I am taking it one day at a time while still going through the motions of life. I am hopeful that I will find clarity, and with all of this support and guidance I am getting closer.

Huge hugs.

Don't let him play that card. It just doesn't work. My WH kept saying the same things (although I'm the "secretly" pregnant one, not OW). He didn't want to cause her any pain. He was trying to be a good person and let her off the hook slowly. You catch my drift. All it is was cake eating and justifying. It seriously ate at me more and more every day. He felt like he could now lie in bed with me and freely text her. She had no idea we were even together and I was supposed to just play along. Just no. It will end up making you so resentful and feel so low it just isn't worth it. If he wants to be with you he will. I finally told my WH this and I bet you can guess where he is now. With the OW. I'll be having a baby in around 40 days and he is in a different state. She knows the truth now also. She was mad but got over it in maybe 2 days.

Hopeful27, I was in almost the exact same boat as you.

Together 6 years (engaged for 5 of those), since I was 18.

We are now almost 6 years out from Dday. While it is sad we have no visitation, because of OW, it is what works for us. (If you have time, you can read my profile to see what we have gone through with her).

The difference is how my WS reacted to her pregnancy. We were in R. She showed up at his (our) place of work to announce the pregnancy (the parking lot). He immediately told her the baby didn't change anything, that he still "wanted to work things out with Want2help". She told him "Let's see if Want2help wants you now!" and that she would "take him for every dome he had". But, he made his intentions/priorities (to work on US) clear to her. And THAT is why we have made it to now.

We are now married, and have a child of our own. Happier now than the 6 years previous to the A. Why? How? Because of WORK. Over a year of MC. Over a year of IC for him (and many months of IC for me)... and constant, never ending, work.

Feel free to pm me, and find us down in ICR, the OC board.

H27, you deserve so.much.better than this. Please go back and read the responses you have gotten over and over until it sinks in. This situation is unacceptable. So don't accept it.