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disillusioned12 (original poster member #37542) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
Today is my wedding anniversary. Two years. I spent most of last night crying and most of today sleeping. Luckily my mom is staying with me and she's loving quality time with her grandson.
Anyway, last night I made the mistake of reading some old emails from my STBX while he was deployed, while he was having his A. I cried, then felt sick. He professed his love for me and his happiness of starting a family. Yet, he was having an A. So, I deleted the emails. All of them. I feel good about it, but will probably regret it later when my disgust wears off. For now though, I have one less thing to remind me of his hypocrisy and selfishness.
Happy Anniversary to me. 
BS (Me)
WS (H)
Married 5 yrs; Together 10 yrs
D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 9:34 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
I've deleted/trashed all of that stuff. You won't regret it. One less thing to torture yourself with.
Our final S happened on our 8th wedding anniversary. It will be a tough day to get through this year - not from being wistful but from a regret perspective. I know it gets easier with time.
(disillusioned12))
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
disillusioned12 (original poster member #37542) posted at 8:06 AM on Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Thank you Strongbutbroken. You're right about having one less thing to torture myself with. Reading them didn't do any good and only made me feel worse. Not sure why I torture myself like this.
BS (Me)
WS (H)
Married 5 yrs; Together 10 yrs
D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 1:29 PM on Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Because you're trying to make sense of it. Trying to 'see' now what you didn't see then.
Maybe you're even soothing yourself that he did love you once.
Maybe its to pick at that wound a little so you have a tangible reason to feel so hurt.
I've done it to myself for all of these reasons and a million others. Deleting them saved me from myself.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
disillusioned12 (original poster member #37542) posted at 7:53 PM on Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Uhg. All of the above. 
BS (Me)
WS (H)
Married 5 yrs; Together 10 yrs
D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 10:17 PM on Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 10:18 PM on Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
I know honey. I promise it won't always hurt this bad.
((disillusioned12))
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
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