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Over and over on these threads and my personal experience with fuckface, I see that justification is at the center of the dilemmas caused. I cheated because of X thing that you did not provide. Blah blah blah! Whatever happened to taking responsibility of your own actions. Whatever happened to "manning up"? I come from a long line of military men, and I was in the military for 10 and 1/2 years. I know what it is to take responsibility when you screw up. Its embarrassing, it hurts, you feel stupid, but in the end its the right thing to do. What is so fundamentally fucked up about these people that they lack this basic component of character? I for one am so tired of the excuses. Why blame me and my kids for the mistakes he made? Why not leave me as soon as he knew that he was not in love with me and loved someone else? Why blame me for being a coward? There is always an answer, always a reason, and always someone else that is responsible but the person that caused the pain. Justification I've come to the conclusion is the mask that cowards hide behind. I for one will show my face with battle scars and all.

Sorry for the long post, but had to get it off my chest. Any typos, please ignore. English is my second language.

[This message edited by permanentpain at 11:37 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

I think that their disordered thinking that makes them justify their wacky behaviors is what led them to the As in the first place.

If you've read the thread that I started, you can see that my STBX is completely out to lunch. He slept with another woman, imploded his family life, is rushing to marry the OW... and yet he thinks that I need to be a better communicator and not turn the kids against him?

Wow. He's doing that very well on his own. He doesn't need my help for that to happen. Yet, if his relationship with the kids goes south, he will likely blame me for poisoning them against him instead of acknowledging the fact that his selfish actions caused it.

But... what can you do? It's like trying to rationalize with a toddler. Any and all rational thinking is completely out the window; you're dealing with a spoiled child who thinks only of instant gratification and not at all about the consequences. It's just weird because you expect this behavior with a little kid who is still learning proper behavior, not a grown adult. We simply can't relate to it.

(((permanentpain)))

I read your thread and maybe I could give him some points for trying to minimize damage to the kids, if that were his intention. But its not. Its again, justification to your children of his actions . Unfreakingbelievable!

I'm just completely amazed at the lack of character and integrity. I try to live by core values that I learned of honor, integrity and devotion to duty. I'm not perfect, but I own up to my crap, always have, even to my own detriment. My STBX obviously lacks this. Last text he sent:

I tried to do everything to save the relationship...

Me: Really? I can see how cheating with skankbags saved our marriage

That is the character of the cheater. Some people never learned to take responsibility for themselves. Some like the drama. Some like to look for sympathy by making themselves out to be a victim. It's obnoxious and childish and now I know to try to choose better next time.

I just had a blowout with XGF the other night and at one point she flat out told me that i pushed her to have the affair, it was my fault. She's now thrown herself back into the A full force and making up for lost time. It amazes me how justified she seems about the whole thing. She thinks that being selfish like this will make all of her problems go away.

Some folks have issues and instead of facing them head on and growing as a person they decide to take the easy route, run away and ignore it all. These are note mature people, these are people looking for the easiest or most immediately rewarding option.

You're better off saving your breath with WH, let him drown in his own piss and move on to better things. There is no room for that kind of thinking in R. If he thinks he really tried everything then he is simply not interested in trying anymore.

~Larry

You're better off saving your breath with WH, let him drown in his own piss and move on to better things.

I like your thinking LastChanceLarry.

It's simply easier to find someone else to blame than to take full responsibility for their actions. I've been blamed for everything including why the sky is grey and why the grass is green.

Let's face it, if they had this ability, they may not have cheated in the first place. If they were unhappy about something in the marriage, they would have addressed the issues instead of turning to someone else and them thinking that there would be no consequenses to their actions.

On DDay, instead of an apology for his actions, I was told "Well, I'm sorry it took this to show you who YOU are". Him being a lying, cheating, stealing, manupulative jerk who would use his children to whore shows me who I am? Since when?

The reality is that they are cowards, they cannot face what they are, what situations they have created and they want to take the route that is the easiest. Which is NOT facing the mess that they have created.

Well said npain!!

npain...That description was perfect! I just may copy it to remind myself on those days I'm feeling blue.

Agree, agree, agree.

Justification I've come to the conclusion is the mask that cowards hide behind.

Amen sister.

I found peace when it became so blaringly obvious that he was damaged in this way well before I came into the picture.

Him cheating on his wife was inevitable - its how he is built, shonky foundations and all. It was just bad luck that I happened to be his wife.

This post caught my attention...my WH is military too..I don't know if it is seething they teach them that they are never wrong...but my WH is the same...blames me for everything..:.to the point that he tells me he knows me better than me and accuses me of being mad for things I am not. He went to West Point and I feel I have held up the duty honor country thing more than him....I get told what I am thinking, get told what I am feeling, and get told what I am doing to mess things up. He is a rugs weeper and would rather things go away...things he has created! I get told why do I keep punishing him, when all I asking myself is why do I stay? If I got out, I really wouldn't care what he had to say anymore...:

This post caught my attention...my WH is military too..I don't know if it is seething they teach them that they are never wrong...but my WH is the same...blames me for everything..:.to the point that he tells me he knows me better than me and accuses me of being mad for things I am not. He went to West Point and I feel I have held up the duty honor country thing more than him....I get told what I am thinking, get told what I am feeling, and get told what I am doing to mess things up. He is a rugs weeper and would rather things go away...things he has created! I get told why do I keep punishing him, when all I asking myself is why do I stay? If I got out, I really wouldn't care what he had to say anymore...: