SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry, I'm really new here, so this might not be the best place to post this, but I have a question-

The therapist I've been seeing is OK- he listens pretty well, he's helped me become more self aware, and guided me toward medications that are helping. He doesn't give me much feedback though. Like there are times when I'm fairly certain I'm being a dumbass, and he's always extremely soft and non-judgmental. I want someone who will give me more of a clue; someone who will observe exactly what I'm really doing, and tell me why it's not working, or dig into what's really going on inside my head better. How do you go about finding such a mystical beast?

Sometimes you have to try a few pairs of shoes on to get the pair that feel the best. Same with therapists. Its ok to have a. couple sessions with another or two.

I found mine through a recommendation through a friend.

First off, have you talked to your therapist about this? Have you told him that you need more feedback from him? He may be easing into his relationship with you. My FWH told me that his therapist was shocked at the detail that he went into during his first visit, because most people took a while to get comfortable enough to be really frank. But FWH let his IC know that he was highly motivated and wanted to dig deep. They do very well with each other now.

Next, if you have, and your IC isn't comfortable with being more demanding, ask him for a recommendation. It very well may be that there is another IC in his group that might be a better fit for you. We got both of our ICs through our MC's recommendation.

Best of luck to you. Finding a good IC may be hard, but it is SO worth it!

Bumbling - You know inside what you need from a therapist. Have you told this guy what you need?

If you want to look for another one, you will have the same issues unless you screen for what you want.

Much like getting a plumber or electrician or doctor, do you go with the first one you call? Sure, when it's the first time.. You have the professional work on something (fix toilet, add outdoor light, take care of stomach bug, whatever) and you think... I didn't like that. And you call another one.

And now you have more experience. So you have questions to start out. Whose fault is the affair? (if the answer is "the marriage was not meeting your needs", RUN) Will you ask me tough questions? (yes) Do you have emergency hours? (if this is important) etc., etc.

This is very important. You are spending a LOT of time and money and your emotional health is at stake. It's worth telling your story five or six or seven times to get the right therapist.