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Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 8:05 AM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
Sweetie
You have to put your foot down. He is playing games.
On dday I told my H "Your whores may be willing to share you with me but I will never (knowingly) share my H with another woman". I meant every word and he knew it.
In your shoes I would pack his gear, phone her and tell her she can have him.. I would definitely ask her about the herpes. (But that's me 
). Then have all his stuff delivered to her house. Make sure it includes his dirty laundry.
Then when he gets home tell him that you told her he is all hers so you thought you'd help him pack.
If you continue to let him gaslight you he will keep doing it. Having said all that I really am so sorry honey.
BIG HUGS
Laura
Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 8:40 AM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
A perfect example of Gaslighting.
You know what this - why are you waiting for "the truth" from him? Rhetorical, really - I waited until he actually admitted it too.
After DD my boundaries were muh firmer. What I was asking was not that difficult. HE was risking ending our M to maintain female friendships.
He too tried to gaslight me with the same bullshit "you're willlin to risk our M because I have female friends??".
WRONG. I was not risking attempting R or even having a relationship with someone who crossed my boundaries. Namely, you you moron.
Gaslighting is SUPPOSED to make you feel crazy. It stops when you say it stops.
You don't need proof if sex to walk away. This blatant disregard is more than enough.
Get off the crazy train.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
wanttogoforward ( member #29912) posted at 9:55 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
You are absolutely not crazy! When I first found the emails and foolishly confronted over the phone I was told he nearly passed out and threw up from the stress--- and yet, for MONTHS he said he did nothing wrong... they were just friends... they barely had any contact.... yet I was not allowed access to the emails, the account, or anything.... for MONTHS.... after several months it finally came to a head and he was forced to admit alot of truths that still hurt me to this day.... I know damn well what was happening before my very eyes.... but he tried to convince me to ignore my gut as well as my eyes.... DON'T ignore what you know to be true!
Don't allow him to convince you that is was just an innocent couch sleeping.... everyone who has been here (and you deep down) know better.... keep investigating.... when I was in IC I questioned how I could be sure he would never have an A again..... she said that time tells all... they slip up... they say something that does not sit right in your mind/gut and BINGO.... you will know.... you just will as you do right now! Please listen to us.... many of us have seen it all on here.... He is deep in the A yet.... I am so sorry... take care of you and get your business in order.... you might be able to R (maybe/maybe not) but at least your things will be in order either way....
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