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Well we are nearing the Affair season of DD1. I guess this would be the actual affair season, as i didn't find out about her until May, so this one sided EA was going on now. Then in August hits DD2 anitversery.

Just like last time, I am a master rug sweeper. I ignore all. They say it is bad, but no one really tells you why. They say you won't deal with your issues, that you can't go on it is bad for your mental health, it is killing me physically too.

After a few months after DD2, I just stopped talking about it. I learned no one really wants to hear it in my real life. That was not my role in theirs to have actual issues. I have lost several friends in the course of the year.

Well sense then. I have gained four dress sizes, my skin has gone to shit, I can not get to sleep for the life of me, My hair is thinner, I swear I am getting a bald spot and I honestly half of the time, can't find the energy to do anything.

I have missed MONTHS of work, and my job is in jeopardy, My bosses can only let so much slide you know. I have become bitter and mean, but I still try so hard to be a people pleaser. That is one of the many issues as a BS I need to work on. But I don't want to be sad, bitter AND a bitch.

I need to deal with this, he has been good, he is hardly on the computer anymore, but I just can't do what he needs ME to do. I guess I kind of feel safe? Maybe? It's all a big jumble in my brain. Maybe I should call the phone councilor again.

I guess the moral is don't rugsweep because no matter how long you do, or how big the rug is, you will have to deal with this shit sooner or later, and hopefully with all your hair.

If he is *being good*, then why are you rugsweeping?

((((Mysikay))))

I would recommend IC if you have not already tried it. The A is causing physical symptoms along with emotional ones and you need a safe place to figure out this mess of a life we all find our selves in after an A.

It helped me out so much. I also found a lot of help in my faith. IF you are not one of a specific faith, find your passion in life.

While everything you describe can certainly be the result of all the stress-Hair loss, weight fluctuations and sleep disturbance can also indicate thyroid problems (my understanding anyway-no dr here!). Have you had that checked just to be sure? The last thing anyone needs is an undiagnosed physical condition in the midst of this. Really sorry you're dealing with this ((MystiKay)). I 2nd the ic suggestion if you don't have one already. Mine made all the difference for me and my recovery.

[This message edited by thisissogross at 11:55 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)]