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What2Thnk ( member #37863) posted at 9:06 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2013
I check. Not as much as I want to, and I don't like myself for doing it, but I do. Often it happens around triggers - I feel insecure or I'm upset or suspicious because of his behaviors, and then I start checking. I don't even feel like it's useful, because I'm sure he's learned from getting caught and would not necessarily do the things he did before. But I still check. I wish I could stop.
Me (BS) 42 - Him (WS) 43
DD #1 7/19/10 2 year LTA EA/PA w/MOW - HSXGF#1; DD #2 6/6/12 4 mo EA (PA?) w/HSXGF#2; DD #3 12/15/12 3 week EA with random stranger. A whole crapload of gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, rugsweeping and TT.
sri624 ( member #33956) posted at 12:01 AM on Saturday, April 20th, 2013
i agree with all the posters. if they want to cheat, they will...and there is NOTHING that can be done to stop it. yes, i have full transparency...and he is doing "all he can" to rebuild trust...but the bottom line is that he is clever...cunning, and a liar...he showed me already what he is capable of....sooooo, if he wanted to fool me again....he would find a way.
also, i have learned the hard way that these AFFAIR PARTNERS WILL LIE FOR THEM TOO. so...even if you did check....and found something..and tried to follow up...the ow might lie too.
so really, there is no safety...none.
my husband's ow lied when i confronted her...and they both worked together to keep the affair from me...pretending that it was a platonic relationship. ouch.
one thing that does help me is knowing that eventually if he was cheating...it would come out in the open. they always get caught...eventually. and he knows that i am gone if that happens again. no more "chances." it would be over.
funny thing is that sometimes on a bad day, i secretly wish i would find something so that i can move on with my life and end this madness.
BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:09 AM on Saturday, April 20th, 2013
I'm a year old. I still check, but not as frequently. I was blindsided by his affair and I refuse to be blindsided again. He know I will leave if I catch even a whiff of an affair. I will leave next time, there is no doubt on my mind.
He could have another phone and email that I don't know about, but if he does it will eventually come to light and he will lose everything. I check what I can when I feel uneasy and the rest of the time I am leaving it up to him to be accountable for his whereabouts.
This is exactly where we are at. I haven't been checking much, just randomly here and there with different methods 
If there is ever another indiscretion I am so ready to walk out of this M. There will be no more US.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
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