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@K9Lover...let me give you the dirty details if you don't mind...3 years ago my WS was a very verbally abusive man who drank frequently. We agreed that I would move from the home but try to work things out. I rented a townhouse a few miles away while he paid the rent and I paid for everything else. In this time his disabled son came to live with him full time. That was totally against my opinion as I did not believe bringing the kid into a bad situation full time was appropriate. Anyway, life for my kids and I got a little better but life for my stepson was not so hot. One day while I was at the home (our home not the rental) with my youngest son, stepson, and WS my WS spouse started unloading a verbal assault on my stepson because he did not want to play video games with our son. My WS began calling the kid "retarded" and telling him his mother didn't want him because of it and that was why the kid was living there instead of with his mother and a whole lot more but I would be here forever typing. At that time I began recording my WS screaming at my stepson. The next morning my WS's mother called me asking what happened. Apparently my Stepson had contacted her crying after the incident. I told I recorded it because it was so bad. She asked me to send it to her. I really had to think about it, but in the end I thought it's HIS mother, maybe she can help him. I sent her the recording and she immidiatley contacted my step sons mother. The kid's mom removed the kid from the home and my WS has had little contact with both of his children since. I then moved back to where my home area is. Within 1 week there was an emergency court order ordering me back to the county I had resided in with my WS. So the kids and I had to come back, but because we had given up our rental we had nowhere to go. The judge was going to allow me to go back to my home county but then my WS said he would move from the home and the children and I could reside there, across the street. The judge said he could not legally argue with that and I was ordered to reside in our home once again. Once the dust settled (all this happened in a week!) from all of this we found ourselves in a very strange situation. Here we were living across the street from each other raising kids, constantly together. We decided that we would remain a couple and do whatever it took to keep us a family. That is what we have been doing for the last 3 years, until now. Yes is a completely strange situation but even though we never legally married I do not believe in just throwing our family away before we seek professional help. Professional help has never been attempted.

If you are not legally married then how can a judge order you to move back to his county? Have you seen a lawyer to find out what your rights are? I am thinking that you are being hoodwinked. He has no legal claim to you so how can a judge issue an order that a free woman has to reside in his county? Even if you have children together, if there is not any legal documents in place specifically outlining his rights to the children and where they live then I'm thinking you are being lied to. You seriously need to see a lawyer ASAP.

I had a lawyer. The laws in my state are very strict concerning custody. A parent cannot leave the county of residence without permission from the other parent or court. I left the county without permission. I guess technically I did not have to return to the home, but my son did therefore I view that as I'm never leaving my child.

Is child support in place for the 9 year old? I assume it must be and he must be on record as the father or else the judge would not have ordered you to bring the child back.

So, if I understand this, your SO owns the home in which you are living?

I know you want to save the relationship and go back to being a couple, but this is a two-way street. You can't do this alone. As much as you want to fight for this, he has to want it too. Maybe you need to do a hard 180, if for no other reason, than to protect yourself.

I'm sorry to say this, but he doesn't sound like any prize to me. A drinker, abusive, and mean to a disabled child? What a peach.

You can do better than this.

[This message edited by k9lover1 at 1:45 PM, April 21st (Sunday)]

So there is a court ordered custody/visitation agreement between the two of you in place? If not, then you need to be seeing a different lawyer. He can file for visitation and try to keep you in the county but if you show the judge how the children will have a better life in the new city, he will agree with you and allow your move. If you are going to a better job, better school system, better home, extended family near to help with the children, etc. the judge will allow the move in the best interest of the children.

We will be going to an area that is not better then the one we reside in. My WS is telling me to leave, to go home, he and I both know that I cannot afford to reside here on my income. There is a custody agreement in place now but is is joint custody. My WS told me he would sign over Sole Legal Custody if I just leave. I am getting the paperwork drawn up tomorrow. When I informed him I was going to the lawyer to have what he wants done he was not pleased and started saying he never agreed to any of it (oh but he did). Having dealt with children from previous relationships for 17 years now I am fairly educated in the field of family law, I even got my degree in pre-law over the last 3 years to try to protect myself. However, knowing the law is not as great as it sounds. I know my WS is self employed and hides much of his income. Domestic Relations doesn't really care about that, they only see what's on the paper before them. Therefore child support will be minimal. We currently have no support order in place only custody. Why is OW worth throwing his family away so quickly? I strongly believe his relationship with her is VERY new. I know this man very well he can hide nothing. His behavior has only just changed towards me in the last 2 weeks.

[This message edited by HelpMe123 at 11:11 AM, April 21st (Sunday)]

He sounds like a complete monster. Yelling at his disabled son..calling him retarded..telling him his mother didn't want him??

So...he's clearly abusive to his kids.

And now he is having an affair...which is also abusive. He is being emotionally,mentally,and verbally abusive to you...so clearly he has not gotten any help for his anger/abusive ways.

If this man doesn't realize he needs intensive therapy..why would you want him around your kids?

That poor little boy..to have his father say things like that.

ETA: Does the OW have a kid? if so,I'd send her a copy of that recording..and tell her *this* is the man who she is in luuuurrrrrvvveee with. If she has any sense at all(haha) she will run as far from this abusive monster as possible.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:35 AM, April 21st (Sunday)]

I don't know if OW has kids but I fully intend to send her a copy of the recording as soon as I'm out of this!