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Fidelia (original poster member #38345) posted at 8:20 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
We went to MC last night. I'm not gonig to share all, but a couple of things happened that put my mind at ease about our new MC.
Some of you may have read my thread a week or so ago, worrying about something she'd said about in many cases an A is a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. So I raised it with her and explained where my thinking was and that I needed her to be with me on that:
That there were problems in our marriage but they did not cause the affair. That the A happened because of WH poor coping mechanisms and FOO issues that he brought to the marriage and that I was in the marriage and did not have an A. That I needed her to understand that I could not live in a marriage where I was scared that if I wasn't the perfect wife, if we didn't have the perfect M, then he would cheat - because that is unhealthy and mentally/emotionally abusive. That I needed to feel safe in our M.
She agreed and validated it all!
Also later on in the session, she brought up that I had suffered trauma because of the A and because of the way WH handled TT over the four months after DDay1.
And she has a very gentle way with her, as well as repeating back/paraphrasing what we've each said so that we feel heard.
I think we found a good'un 
Me: BW 36
Him: WH 36 (randomusername)
"lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed" Heb12v13
"Oh God give me
catlover50 ( member #37154) posted at 8:22 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Good for you--that's so important!
Dday -9/23/2012
Reconciled
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:17 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Awesome! That is so key 
.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
jjsr ( member #34353) posted at 2:43 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
A good MC can make all the difference
Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.
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