SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I really understand your feeling bad, I do that, too. I feel that I am better than doing that, somehow, but still have to check what I can. If you are worried that you are invading her privacy, think about how she has invaded yours. As long as she has nothing to hide and you find nothing, she should be happy that she 'passed that test' and gave you a little touch of healing.

So sorry you're going through this!

Mysticpenguin (excellent username)- it's the third point I think the most.

I don't mean invading her privacy as such- more her friends- I'll tell you an example- I did not need to know her mate's smear test hurt!! Know what I mean?! I read that and thought GOD IF HER MATE KNEW I'D JUST READ THAT!!!!! She'd be mortified!!

So- they're the ones I now avoid. I don't know what I'm looking for- it just makes me feel better- I like seeing normal texts they cheer me up.

I don't want to be paranoid though or checking up on her.

This is from as poster called 'lady V",

She's being treated like an adult with no right to secrecy. And since her kind of secrets are abusive to you and cause you injury, she has no right to them. Secrecy is not privacy. Privacy is shutting the door when you go to the bathroom. Secrecy is taking a cell phone in there with you and text messaging your AP. They are not the same thing.

It made me feel better

Mysticpenguin (excellent username)

haha thanks! (:

it's the third point I think the most.

For me too. That was really the biggie for me when I was asking myself if I wanted to ask for total access to everything or not.

I don't mean invading her privacy as such- more her friends- I'll tell you an example- I did not need to know her mate's smear test hurt!! Know what I mean?! I read that and thought GOD IF HER MATE KNEW I'D JUST READ THAT!!!!! She'd be mortified!!

Welp that's it no more texting about smears to my friends! Phone call convos only! In reality though, it seems like it's not unusual at all for husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends/etc to be checking each other's phones, social media messages, and so on -- even if there's been no betrayal of trust. So don't feel too bad! As the media / employer handbooks / etc are always reminding us, we should all know that no text message or e-mail or Facebook message we send is actually private.

Cheers mysticpenguin!!- I feel less like I'm invading.

I do trust her right now- it does change depending what I'm thinking about!!

She doesn't say bad things about me very often- if she does- it's usually when it's deserved to be fair!!!

Thanks everyone- got some great opinions