Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: LonelyandUnsure

Wayward Side :
Mental NC?

This Topic is Archived
default

 pizzalover (original poster member #38336) posted at 8:43 PM on Thursday, April 25th, 2013

I need help with this:

How do I have a mental NC with my AP and APBS when every day I'm talking about the two of them and the A with my BH? How have you been able to do it?

Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 41
Him - BH 41 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09

posts: 779   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6311803
default

Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 9:22 PM on Thursday, April 25th, 2013

There is a difference between answering your BS's questions about the A and daydreaming, "Dang, AP had the cutest feet. We had the best time chilling at the buffet back on May 3rd. I wonder if he thinks about me like I do about him...?"

Answer your BSs questions. Examine your thought processes that led you to the A. Leave the fluffy crap at the door.

Make sense?

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

posts: 7926   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2011
id 6311856
default

UnexpectedSong ( member #21761) posted at 11:56 PM on Thursday, April 25th, 2013

You can talk about the A and AP without savoring or fantasizing. You can tell your H about "your" songs without you thinking about that song on your drive to work. It's okay to talk about it, just don't reminisce.

WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

posts: 6421   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2008   ·   location: California
id 6312055
default

BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 2:25 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2013

Are you reminiscing? Do you have moments where those "feeling" come up?

WH - 49
BW - gerrygirl

posts: 6125   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Tri-Cities
id 6312799
default

Clarrissa ( member #21886) posted at 2:43 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013

You've gotten the perfect definition of mental NC. It's when you don't get the "warm & fuzzies" when you think or talk about the AP. You answer your BHs questions and talk about the A because that's what he needs right now. You don't reminisce about about all the "good times" you had. Because you know now that they were just part of the fantasy you built.

BH Cee64D - 50
FWW (me) - 51


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

posts: 6192   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2008   ·   location: A better place
id 6313893
default

 pizzalover (original poster member #38336) posted at 3:18 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013

Thanks everyone for your input. It helps a lot!

[This message edited by pizzalover at 9:18 PM, April 26th (Friday)]

Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 41
Him - BH 41 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09

posts: 779   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6313944
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy