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Oh good nutrient rich foods, drinking water and exercising will also do wonders. This works!

I am thinking of you and praying for you during this difficult time. PTSD is a biotch, but you know that and you got this covered. I am honestly not worried about you at all, because you are superwoman as far as I am concerned. I am only worried that when the karma bus comes and obliterates that idiot, that the fallout and collateral damage to you and your kids is as minimal as it can be.

You are my hero. Hang it there, the best is yet to come.

All good advice! I'd also add bring a friend if you can: a snarky friend, one who is equivalent of a back up pair of human bitch boots.

Every time I had to deal with FT I reminded myself that he couldn't do anything worse to me than he had already done - not really...

Find strength where ever you can. A quote from Will Smith's new movie:

"If we are going to survive this, you need to remember, fear is not real. It is a product of the thoughts you create. Now do not misunderstand me; danger is very real. But fear is a choice."

You are so much stronger than you know Naturegirl. Be honest - be real - and let Truth kick some butt!

((Naturegirl))

((((Nature_Girl)))))

You are so much better than you think. One thing I have found helpful is making lists. At first, it was so hard to make just a simple list!!! Then, prioritizing said list?? Difficult. However, after a short period, I found more sanity as all the balls I had up in the air were getting fewer and fewer. I have to admit, I had a legal pad in almost every room of my house because I got so sidetracked in each place... but eventually I made it through and you will, too.

You can do this, I know you can. Take a deep breath, exhale...you've got this. We are all here for you, like someone once said, imagine thousands of your best SI friends behind you with pitchforks and bitchboots!!

You are stronger than you realize. You survived hell, and you will survive climbing out of it. HUGS and HUGS, I wish I could come over and help...

Thank you so much for the support, my friends!

I managed to get about six hours of sleep last night, more than I've had in ages. Today the sun is shining, the birds are singing, I've had the first of many glasses of homemade citrus water (good for cleansing!), and what's even more astounding, I have a job interview in a couple of hours!

None of my problems have gone away, but it's a new day and I haven't mucked it up yet.

Can I come back here later if I start to get weepy again?

I'm glad today is a better day. Crying is not a bad thing - it releases all sorts of emotions and toxins. Stress can cause all of the symptoms you were describing.

Good mojo coming your way for the interview, and I hope this day is worlds better than yesterday!!

I ***know*** that crying is good for you. I tell my kids that, too. But I hate doing it. Really hate doing it. It's a FOO issue (all crying met with ridicule, anger & additional punishment) plus a STBX issue (all crying met with ridicule, anger & additional punishment). So crying is not a safe thing for me to do.

Good Lord, is it possible that one day I'll have friends & people in my life who will be okay with me shedding the occasional tear or having a weepy afternoon? If anything, the support here on SI gives me additional hope for my future.

Good Lord, is it possible that one day I'll have friends & people in my life who will be okay with me shedding the occasional tear or having a weepy afternoon?

You already do Naturegirl! You already do!

You know, in many ways I still feel like a reverse Alice In Wonderland. I have had such a life of abuse due to my dysfunctional thinking, that as I continue to build a new life for myself with healthy thoughts & healthy people, it feels bizarre and foreign.

A few days ago a normally very kind & supportive man at church said something to me that pissed me off & offended me. So I told him, plain & simple, I don't like what you're saying. And he didn't get mad at me or smack me around or insult me. We just agreed to disagree and went on with the conversation. BIZARRE! FOREIGN! But I suspect that that's how it actually is in the real world. I get to speak my mind and people won't emotionally destroy me as a consequence to teach me a lesson & keep me in my place.

I'm Alice! LOL

((((((NG)))))) I'm glad you got some sleep. And a job interview!! Yahoo!! Hope they realize how amazing you are and how much they need someone like you. At least make it your choice.

We went to court for a preliminary hearing first, then came negotiations. The judge heard the 2 Ls on what there was to divide and gave us 30 days to agree on things. I was terrified to go! Xpos had made all kinds of threats about what he would do to me. He would push it to court to cost me as much as possible (because he had more money). He would see me put out of the house with nothing. I was terrified to face him and his L there, same as you.

For all his bravado in my face, he was not that way in court. He didn't even seem to be "there". He would not look at me, did not look at anyone, just at the walls, the floor, or out the windows. Afterward, he didn't even realize that he had agreed to me getting the house! And he totally looked like shit!!

I'm told all of that came from his guilt. Maybe your WH will behave similarly. Lord knows, he has plenty to feel guilty about! We were given 30 days to work out an agreement or it would go back to court and the judge would decide. And he refused to agree, just to push it back to court as he had promised. When it came down to it, there was a 50/50 split of everything.

If you haven't negotiated at all, be sure your L knows what is your bottom line and make him ask for more. In fact, why not ask for him to pay your L?

I'm glad you are feeling the support from your friends on SI. You have given so much to all of us.

I'm Alice!

I just love this description. You really have been in Bizarro World for so long, honey. The real world? Is so much better.

Sending you tons of mojo for the job interview. Go get 'em, NG!!!

Good luck on the job interview!!

In my family it is a sin to have hurt feelings. You see unless you have a gun to your head or your life is in mortal danger then you've got nothing to bleat about.

2 months after DD my mum laughed at me - teasing me that EVERYONE knew what monster was up to, "Awwwww, you really were the last to know!" Hahaha.

Not funny at all. Quite cruel actually. Its her version of tough love - she wasn't trying to hurt me, she has just been so hurt so bad and for so long her normal is very unhealthy and the normal I'm building makes no sense to her.

No matter how bizarre or dysfunctional our 'normal' is it is often the place we are most.... comfortable (that's not the word but Its something like that).

Then when we start getting healthy a healthy 'normal' feels uncomfortable, weird to us.

We're training for a marathon NG - we are finding and using new muscles all the time. We are getting better and better and the stretches between being on the floor in agony are getting further and further apart.

Soon our normal will be a healthy one and our muscles won't seize up hurt no matter how long we run.

((((NG)))))

NG, I'll be your friend in real life.

And Alice is a very good description of the feelings.

Hugs, how did the interview go?

More hugs,

K

((((NG)))

Alice, I mean NG, I'm so glad today is a better day. Amazing what a good night of sleep will do. I highly recommend giving yourself permission to cry. I used to get so stressed out that I was afraid to take a deep breath for fear of falling to pieces. My chest would just hurt with holding it all in. That's when I knew I needed a good long cry to release the tension. Usually combined with some swearing and yelling, to tell the complete truth. Find a safe place and let it all out.

Sunglasses help. I am 2 yrs. out and still cry . . . a lot, will for a long time, PTSD to the max. Walk around with bags under my eyes. Get up at work or class to "go to the bathroom" and cry in the stall. Straighten myself up and get back to work. Just want to let you know you are not alone. Crying comes from the immense hurt, it's normal.

Sunglasses help

[This message edited by shiloe at 9:40 PM, April 26th (Friday)]

(((NG))) I so sympathize with you. Your first post could have been written by me....word for word. I have piles of papers on my desk that need my attention, I'm behind on bills, I still think about the impending D and STBXWW EVERY.SINGLE.DAY if not hourly sometimes, time seems to disappear on me, and even now I'm supposed to be doing my taxes as the deadline is fast approaching although I know I'm procrastinating by reading/posting here instead. I can't focus, can't remember anything, and SO BADLY just want to wake up to realize this was all just a horrible, terrible nightmare. I really do.

NG, you're one of the posters here I've always looked up to and respected on here since I first arrived and I've always thought highly of you on here. I don't know if this means anything to you but it actually gives me comfort to see you struggling with this too, in that I know I'm not alone or abnormal and that even the people I look up to have their moments where this all seems to much to bare.

One thing I started doing which is helping me tremendously is to use google's calendar to post things I need to do, reminders, etc. (I also document everything about STBXWW on there too.). Since I've been doing that I've been a bit better at staying on top of things. Not perfect...just better. If you're not already doing that (or something similar) have a look at it....it's really simple to use and I hope it benefits you as much as it has me.

As for the crying....I just posted a topic on this board about crying. I'm a man....we're not supposed to do this....yet, I could probably rival a colicky infant at the rate I've been lately....and I don't understand it....I really don't. It's amazing what this whole infidelity and divorce thing does to a person.

I wish you the best NG and lots of strength. It WILL get better....and you've already been doing an amazing job of dealing with all the crap you've been served up....and you've been a huge help to so many people (I happily include myself as one of them).

(((NG)))