Your husband is mean. He has been successful in the passive aggressive trick of making the person on the receiving end - you - feel she is responsible for the fact that his behavior hurts you.
You have been painted into a corner. If you point out something that he does that hurts you, then he gets to get mad that you are hurt.
You can not ever win with that situation because you can never discuss what it was he did.
That is the whole point of the behavior on his point.
To shift the emphasis away from what he did that hurt you, and focus on the fact that you have no right to be hurt.
He never has to take responsibility for having hurt you because you never had the "right" to be hurt in the first place.
It is a mind trick that is very damaging to your heart and soul.
You never ever get close to resolving anything. Ever. That is the point of the passive aggressive behavior. He never has to change. You see, he does not want to change. He gets to do what he wants. He keeps you off balanced.
He gets you to doubt your own feelings.
Has he done this: has he made you not tell him how badly he had hurt you because you know (you know) he will blame you for having been hurt?
As a result - have you cried in secret rather than "try" to explain his behavior to him in such a way that he can understand that his behavior is (cruel) hurtful to you?
And have you kept this hurt to yourself because you know he will blame you for "causing" him to hurt you?
Emotional abuse at the hands of a passive aggressive man is horrible to endure and hard to see while in the thick of it.
Think back to before you met him. Or to early on in your relationship.
You probably thought that you could have normal conversations with him, and chalked up the weirdness of him not understanding to you not explaining yourself well enough.
Over time, did you learn to just not tell him when he hurt you?
You probably know that long ago, you could make yourself understood.
I am willing to bet that he is the only one who is unable to "understand" you.
It is hard, after so long, to believe that the one you are married to is so cruel. You may have made excuses for so long that you simply can not believe he is not who you want him to be.
But. He sounds mean.
Be kind to yourself. Lean on people who have known you a long time.
