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Coraline (original poster member #36434) posted at 8:54 AM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
But it sure as heck didn't end the way I wanted it to. I'm not really sure why I'm uncomfortable talking about all the details, given that I've shared so many other things at SI, but this one is just so upsetting I'm not really ready to put it all out there. Suffice it to say that I was feeling unsafe, a TRO was issued, and he isn't here anymore.
It was the hardest thing I've EVER had to do, and I feel like I am the bad one for having done it, even though I know I had a good reason. I guess that's how it is when someone emotionally beats you down so much - you eventually feel bad for even protecting yourself.
Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.
Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 10:53 AM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
((Coraline)), you did what was necessary to protect yourself and your babies.
Edited for spelling.
[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 4:55 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)]
Me: BW
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Life's good.
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 12:04 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Coraline, I am so fucking proud of you!! I know you are going through this shit of feeling guilty but I'm glad that you recognize that *his* shitty-ass treatment of you is where these feelings are coming from.
You did right by yourself.
You did right by your children.
I just want to give you the biggest. hug. evah.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
WakingFromADream ( member #33934) posted at 12:40 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Me(37) DS(9) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13
Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 12:42 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Coraline,
The abuse cycle is so convoluted... Even POWs after everything they experienced, didn't want to see their captors/abusers hurt!
It sucks, but you know you had to do it. And feeling bad about it shows just how big and loving your heart is. And to recognize that his own behaviors left you little recourse.. is HUGE! You didn't do this out of malice, you did it out of protection.
Hugs, sweetie, for you and your babies.
K
[This message edited by Kajem at 6:44 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)]
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Ann124 ( member #29289) posted at 12:43 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
So glad to hear that the in-house is finally over for you!
CharlieFoxtrot ( member #38010) posted at 12:54 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
I am so proud of you for doing exactly what you had to do. I know how gut wrenching it is to stand and say *enough*. And I know the grief and guilt that comes with it is very real. Please be very gentle with yourself these next few days, you did absolutely the right thing. You are a strong, brave woman!! I wish virtual hugs were enough!
(((Sweet Coraline and girls)))
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Holly-Isis ( member #13447) posted at 1:14 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
I'm glad you took steps to be safe, no matter how hard it was!
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 1:29 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
woundedwidow ( member #36869) posted at 2:07 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
I'm glad you did what you needed to do to protect yourself and your children. Now you need to continue steadfastly toward the divorce, so that you will no longer be legally tied to your STBX, except for his financial support for the kids. Kudos for your brave actions!
Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.
damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 2:16 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Don't let those guilty feelings get to you. It's completely normal for victims of abuse to feel guilt when they finally stand up to abusers. That guilt is part of why so many abused women take their abusers back over and over. Because all abusers make sure to spend time convincing their victims that the abuse was their fault. It's part of their handbook!
12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:23 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
(((Coraline)))
Good for you. You deserve better than any kind of abuse.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Dark Inertia ( member #30727) posted at 2:38 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
You have come a long way. Good luck.
nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 2:46 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Good for you honey. I know that was not easy, but you did what was necessary.
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 3:54 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
((((HUGS))))
You did good. I'm proud of you!
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
stretch13 ( member #26894) posted at 4:06 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
i cheered out loud (no exaggeration) when i saw your subject line. WOOHOOO!
now, i'm sorry that it had to be so dramatic. ((((coraline))))
I guess that's how it is when someone emotionally beats you down so much - you eventually feel bad for even protecting yourself.
yep. don't second guess and let yourself think for a moment that you over-reacted or that your motivations were mixed or any other such nonsense that you can probably hear him saying in your head even without him there.
yay, you! i'm so proud of you watching you all the way through your mess.
http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/
http://hardheadpress.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
LastChanceLarry ( member #37322) posted at 4:27 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
(((Coraline)))
A HUGE step forward, don't ever regret standing up for yourself. Take some time to enjoy the freedom and relax. Maybe have some friends over for a movie night or something?
~Larry
D-Day: 8/27/12
Me: BBF (29)
WXGF: Confused26 (27) EA/PA with xBF, lasted almost a year. TT, blameshifting, gaslighting, & broken NC for 10 months.
DS: 3
Together 5 years
3+ years later and I am doing great! Hell of a ride but well worth it.
heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 5:05 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Congratulations Coraline. You are brave, and in the right. Now don't look back!
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
numbandnauseous ( member #34525) posted at 5:25 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Coraline,
So happy that the torture of IHS is done for you. I remember reading your threads about all the hell he would put you through while he was there. Sorry that it had to go down so traumatically and with you feeling like the bad guy. But you know that's right out of their playbook, right? You did good and I am sending huge peace and strength mojo your way!!!
((((((Coraline))))))
BS (me) - 55
WH - EA with HS GF x 2, died in 2019 at age 55
M: 15 years, T: 20, divorced in 2015
2 teenage children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
numbandnauseous ( member #34525) posted at 5:26 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2013
Coraline,
So happy that the torture of IHS is done for you. I remember reading your threads about all the hell he would put you through while he was there. Sorry that it had to go down so traumatically and with you feeling like the bad guy. But you know that's right out of their playbook, right? You did good and I am sending huge peace and strength mojo your way!!!
((((((Coraline))))))
BS (me) - 55
WH - EA with HS GF x 2, died in 2019 at age 55
M: 15 years, T: 20, divorced in 2015
2 teenage children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
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