SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So since Dday many people have asked me if I ever worried about STBXH having affairs, etc. The honest answer is no, for some reason I never thought he would do this even though he travels a lot for work.

However, this morning as I was reflecting on our marriage, I realized that trust had always been an issue for us. Not necessarily with infidelity, but everything else. He lied all the time , just little things, but enough that it made me uncomfortable. I know that he got mad at me for nagging him, but I realize now that I nagged him because I didn't trust him. I didn't trust that he would do what he said he would do. He had let me down too many times before. He had also been dishonest about finances many times, again nothing huge, but little things. I always had a sinking feeling about what he was doing financially behind my back.

Anyway, my conclusion to all of this is that of course he would cheat on me. He's simply just a dishonest person all the way around. Why didn't I see this sooner? It really reassures me that I'm doing the right thing by divorcing. OW can have his lying ass and my sloppy seconds!

I too had one this morning. I discussed it over with my parents.

ExW's elder sister trapped her good looking successful H into marriage by relentlessly perusing him.

ExW too pursued me before M. She was there for me every time. Due to my previous failed relationship with my college GF, I thought its better to be with someone who loves you than someone you love.

Now I realise I've been used, and OM was also going to be used as a career ladder and puppy wagging his tail in front of her. Sigh. What a waste of 6 years.

I realize now that I nagged him because I didn't trust him. I didn't trust that he would do what he said he would do. He had let me down too many times before.

I can so relate to this! It's interesting how the smaller things can really get to you when the bigger underlying problem is trust. Have you seen someone's signature on here? (sorry, I forget who it is)

"before you diagnose yourself with depression or anxiety, first be sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes"

This is an interesting thread and its come up for me before as well.

It is newer revelations for me that Perv hid things throughout all of our lives together, relevent to him and to all of us. So looking back down the long and windy road, it probably became second nature to hide his private life even though he was supposed to share it with his wife and family?

Then as he detatched, I suspect that became more involved in himself and the things he hid got bigger and bigger and more important and so on and so on and so on...til his hiding things blew up in all of our faces.

The part you wrote about not trusting your WH, newly single, is hitting home too, especially now as the lies catch up to Perv. The long time of hiding caused me emotional distress and he decided that I was just a basket case, but it was/is things like creditor phone calls and his not telling me bills are late and I hear it elsewhere.

Anyway...great post.

P.S. When asked about the lies, he always replies with the same thing, blameshifting: "I couldn't tell you, you would explode at me." The reason I "exploded" was not hearing the truth...and it was crying, not "exploding".

He lies about big things witht the house and finances and just puts the blame on me. And he never put anything in my name or jointly except the house...it's all in his name and part of the karma bus rolling down the road now is that I'm not on those!

Oh my gosh, is this a common thing with cheating spouses that they keep all the finances a secret, and put everything in their name??? The ONLY thing that my name is on is a house we bought after we were married. The house we bought while living together was only in his name, he never put my name on the house after we were married, even though I asked him to (wish I had insisted on that, I miss my home). I had a small household account to "run the house" (and had to ask him to put money into the account) but no access to "his" account. He always complained about the money I spent and even told me that I could run the house on $ 500.00 a month. His W-2 for last year listed his income as 1.8 million dollars, WTF?

I have no idea what he did with the money. He explained to me that his previous wife never paid anything on time, so that's why he took financial control. All the records were kept at his office and he never would discuss finances with me. It got to a point that I got tired of fighting about it.

He lied on a loan application (saying he did not pay spousal support). I called the bank to let them know, and the loan was still pushed through.

He lied about so much during the marriage, little things. He also exaggerated which I found really annoying.

Is this another aspect of narcissism?????

Wow! A liar and deceiver through and through