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[This message edited by Tripletrouble at 5:58 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]

The first time I went through this 4 years ago, I was 9 months pregnant when I found out. I called him at 1am (he, of course, wasn't home, he was shacking up with OW) and told him he needed to get home now. I sat by the front door with an iron frying pan, ready to attack. I blame the pregnancy hormones. Luckily, he did not come home or I may have given birth in jail...

My confrontation was not planned. She caught PI and warned me of dire consequences if she got hurt. She thought I had hired a hitman. She told me if anything happens to her it won't be good.

I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I knew what was going on. She was nervous but denied everything. She called up her brother and made him listen to the confrontation. She called up her mom too but she couldn't understand a thing.

She accused me of suspecting an A.

Four days later I went into 180.

When I was finally able to get the deleted text from OW on his phone, I lost it. He was in the shower getting ready for work and I was a crying, sobbing, bumbling mess. I was a complete and utter basketcase. He lied and swore it was only an EA. He took off work as I was in severe mental/emotional disarray. It took several days and threats of contacting her BH before he admitted it was a PA. He claimed only tried to have sex once and couldn't perform. I still threatened to go to the BH and tell then he said it was sex only once and one failed attempt. I kept pushing and then it was only had sex twice and one failed attempt. Found out by snooping that the EA/PA had been going on for six months. He never admitted it until I had proof. He is the king of TT.

It was practically a non-event. I gave him a copy of the love letter he'd written to that particular OW. He denied it meant anything and tossed it in the trash. He denied anything was going on. I told him I deserved better, he did not disagree but also did not agree. He minimized the porn I'd found on the computer and also denied that it would harm the children if they saw it. He denied masturbating to it. He said he probably needed some counseling, but did not indicate he would follow through to get any nor what kind he might need. He denied we needed marital counseling. He did not understand why I was upset or felt I needed counseling. He did not indicate that our marriage was in trouble, that we should get a divorce or that we should attempt to reconcile. He acknowledged that I seemed to be hurt but did not take any responsibility for that hurt.

All of the above was conducted in a calm, quiet tone. No drama. A few tears shed by me, but that was it.

I found out when he forgot his wallet at home and I found a random SD card in it, I put it in my computer and found a video of him getting a BJ from OW (one of his employees). I was deathly calm, drove the wallet to his work, I went on a job interview that afternoon and then when he came home I told him I wanted to show him something interesting I found on the Internet and started playing the video. I then called him a bastard, thrust a letter I wrote him into his face and walked out of the bedroom. I managed to calmly put the kids to bed before I actually broke down. If I ever thought about how I would act if he cheated on me it wasn't like that for sure, I always assumed I would fly off the handle and trash his car or motorcycle. I have told him that sometimes I wish that I had taken a crowbar to his bike.

Protracted and tortuous are the only way I can describe them.

On Boxing day 2011 I found texts on his phone - 4 over a space of 20 or so minutes - the "I love you" and "I miss you" type. He was in the shower and he deleted texts as soon as he read them. I knew who the woman was and truly she is hideous and a nut job. I presumed an EA as a PA seemed absolutely improbable.

After I confronted him - we discussed the relationship - he denied EA/PA saying she was lonely, needy and in a bad/abusive sexless marriage (textbook 101 for the cheater).

I believed him and he agreed he had gone a bit over the top trying to support her and he would pull back. (February I found out that hadn't happened - but he agreed to start then).

I watched! I checked emails and in May found even more lies - but nothing to indicate a PA but an email that alluded to something inappropriate.

I confronted - implied I had more info than I did and he confessed. A single event with her (mOW #1) and some light petting with another colleague a couple of times.

The next day the single event with mOW#1 became an almost 3 year affair.

TT on the details - the colleague (mOW #2) became of 1-2 months of heavy petting.

11 month TT - "oh yeah" there was a single incident of inappropriate touching with another woman (OW#3).

11.2 months TT - "oh yeah" mOW#2 was 2-4 months oral sex

So confrontation was only the beginning - who knows if there is more!

[This message edited by avicarswife at 6:12 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]

The first confrontation was 3 yrs ago. I confronted WH at the restaurant where he was having a very expensive dinner with one of the ow.(I didn't know about ow1,yet)

I just walked up to them and stood there and handed them both a letter and then told him not to come home.

The second confrontation was a yr ago when I confronted WH in MC with evidence that he never stopped

and found out about ow#1 who later I found out has been around for

37yrs. At that point he realized that

I was done and that he needed to change and NC everyone and get in

a SA program(MC'srecommendation)

Yes, completely out of body experience, and yes, I was violent. Not condoning or recommending it by any stretch. The STD he gave me and the stress of it all had caused me to become hyperthyroid, and by the time of confrontation I had gone into the manic phase of hyperthyroidism, so I was literally losing my mind. I hit, kicked, yelled, screamed, and slapped him.

I had never before in my life ever been violent with anyone.

It was horrible.

He made me cry and I hate that. He basically told me they were "just old friends" and if I did not like it file the papers and he would sign them. He did not mean that. I made him move to the guest room the next day. He stayed out late one night and I jumped that A$$ as soon as he came in. It only made me physically ill. I want to make him hurt as I do. I also wish all kinds of evil karma on the OW.

BTW, how do you guys get the deleted texts? Once ours are deleted they are no longer on the phone anywhere. We have same phone so I have searched my own.

[This message edited by Jada52 at 1:59 PM, May 6th (Monday)]