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persevere (original poster member #31468) posted at 2:27 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
We dated for eight months and I knew this was a possibility, if not a probability, but it still hurts.
He was only five months out from D, he was blindsided, when we met. I knew there was a risk, for both of us, even though I was a year ahead of him in the process.
I felt him pulling away a bit in the past few weeks, and I finally told him that we needed to talk about us. I think I avoided it as much as he did at first because we both knew what this talk would mean.
It was easy to avoid because he has 50/50 custody, week on, week off, so we weren't constantly together.
He's going to IC soon, which is good. We talked about alternatives, like non-exclusive dating, and I didn't rule anything out in the future, but I told him we just needed to work on ourselves and our own lives for a while. We need to move on. And, as I told him, I can't do the friend thing right now, I'd end up being his therapist, lol.
But I know I have to focus on what's best for me, and although it hurts, this is the first step.
He's a good guy, honest, conscientious, giving, but the timing was just off. Or was it? There's a reason people come into our lives, and endings are hard, but I don't regret our relationship.
He met some of you at the SI g2g in Houston, we had a great time.
I know I will be okay, but just need a little time to grieve it and move forward. I haven't even called my best friend - this was the first place I thought of after he left. Thanks to all of you for all of your support.
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:33 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
((((persevere)))) I'm sorry, honey.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 2:51 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
persevere (original poster member #31468) posted at 3:05 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Thank you. I'm just going to take it slow.
Maybe I will lose a little of the weight I put back on since Dday, lol. It's the best part of a breakup. 
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 3:15 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 3:23 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
(((persevere)))
Awwww...I'm sorry.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
fallingquickly ( member #36599) posted at 3:53 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
I'm sorry. Hugs.
At least you know you are making the right decision for you. Any ending is difficult.
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
MyVoice ( member #35695) posted at 4:49 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown
VioletPush ( member #31365) posted at 5:16 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Hang in there persevere! Even if things are ultimately for the best, it doesn't make them hurt any less :(
Got rid of a lot of baggage, moved across the country, and am moving on with my life!
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:31 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 12:46 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
((persevere))
This is one of my favourite quotes:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
~Author Unknown
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 1:08 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
persevere (original poster member #31468) posted at 7:47 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Thanks to all of you. I do believe that, with few exceptions, things do happen for a reason. Thank you for the quote SBB. 
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 8:09 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
I'm sorry (((persevere)))
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 8:09 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
You'll do great girl... You stepped out there and took a chance... You can't regret that... It's all a part of living your life... Not every relationship is meant to be forever...
Take care of yourself...
WB
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...
James Taylor
persevere (original poster member #31468) posted at 4:54 AM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
Thank you all, and WB you're right, I have to take care of me, that's been my problem all along.
I even sent him a baggage reclaim article tonight that was right on point about both of us, but I know I need to go NC and "Step away from the SEND button".
I think I may need to just not date for a while. Learn to understand the concept of "being happy with just me" - I don't think I've ever really understood the concept.
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 12:09 PM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
((Persevere))
The "happy with just me" is a tough one to really get on a core level. It's important though, and oh so good when you get there. And relationships are so much more fulfilling after getting there.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Spirit13 ( member #31758) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
persevere,
I'm really sorry. I hope you can feel better with the decision in time.
Hugs.
Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 3:22 PM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
Failure is success if we learn from it.
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