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 karmahappens (original poster member #35846) posted at 9:06 PM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

Thanks NIK :)

I agree Janet, DNA is important.

I am hoping he steps up, I can't imagine not loving your child.

I am trying to wait to see what happens before I run away with "what may happen". I will love this baby and pray he/she is happy and healthy.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

posts: 4036   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 6326411
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Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 12:20 AM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

Wow, how complicated.

I concur with the previous posts about not just being able to randomly sign away parental rights. In addition, if he does so, you are no longer the child's grandparent. YOU have no rights to the child, the child's legacy is severed.

Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

posts: 8016   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2011
id 6326674
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GrievingMommy ( member #28127) posted at 2:59 AM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

I haven't had the chance to read all of the replies, but you said 'on and off girlfriend'. Are you sure it's his? Either way, I'd insist on a DNA test.

Hugs!!

Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

posts: 1691   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Upper Midwest
id 6326833
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 karmahappens (original poster member #35846) posted at 9:32 PM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

OMG

This

In addition, if he does so, you are no longer the child's grandparent. YOU have no rights to the child, the child's legacy is severed.

Is so sad...

And yes, GM DNA will be a definite.

It is complicated and it's sad.

I can't believe two adults (young but still adults) could be so thoughtless and quite frankly, stupid and selfish in their choices.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

posts: 4036   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 6328027
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Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 12:23 AM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013

I'm sorry! I'm always such a Debbie Downer. But I've worked on this issue a lot, and it is so much more complicated than it seems. ((hugs)) to you and your family.

Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

posts: 8016   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2011
id 6328274
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 karmahappens (original poster member #35846) posted at 11:32 AM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013

I'm sorry! I'm always such a Debbie Downer

No, not at all. I never even considered that if he was able to give up his rights I would lose mine (if any) too.

Better to have the heads up than to have the head in the sand!!

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

posts: 4036   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2012   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 6328722
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Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 10:35 PM on Wednesday, May 15th, 2013

I'm really sorry, Karma.

I don't have much for advice but to say I've seen this a few times with relatives.

And you sound like a very caring person-I hope that grandbaby will get to have you in his or her life.

There is one instance where a relative didn't know about her grandchild until the baby was three years old. The father claimed a ONS -very, very young, these parents-and the mother, when found, told my relative she didn't want anything to do with them. She didn't even know the paternal grandmother but the lady has no choice or part in the child's life and doesn't think she ever will.

She did insist the son have testing and all the whatnot and he would claim "the answers got lost!" several times.

So I hope that you will have an easier time than this grandma did. FFWIW, this is also in MA.

The same family has another grandchild OOW (out of wedlock) and he or she is basically being raised by the grandparents in this case. What was sad was when the court appearances began, the father was going to try not appearing. He had no idea that he may chance forfeiting the child's right to it's other relatives, like if he were to sign away his rights or pull a no show.

So no real advice, but good wishes and some examples I knew of to share. The latter example is a pretty wild little person, without many boundaries and with a bunch of ailments who goes back and forth between homes. But they are doing their best by the child and at least he or she had someone like you, Karma, to stand up for them.

Yes, going to a family lawyer is a really good idea. This has been done in both instances that I related here and sometimes, like in my own life, just being able to say "I asked a lawyer's advice", can go a long way. Maybe it's a good place to find some comfort and there are some who do free consultations, I believe?

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
id 6337106
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