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dindy (original poster member #38424) posted at 4:09 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
So I texted xWS's mother this morning asking her not to contact me again. I love her to bits like she was my own mother. However, knowing that my xWS confessed everything to her and yet never came clean to me is just too difficult for me to get my head around. She has always said that her and her husband are there for me and my children but I would rather she was just there for her broken and messed up son.
My xWS said the one of the reasons he had an affair was that he felt since we first became patents he loved my son more than me and felt guilty about it. Well I certainly love my children more than him and always have done. To me that is the unconditional love of being a parent. I don't think he sees the irony in the fact that he told his mummy everything and not me. I guess I know who is the most important woman in his life is!
I hope she doesn't think I am trying to punish her as that is not the case. It's difficult being in touch with her when she knows all the A details and I can only guess what happened.
roughroadahead ( member #36060) posted at 5:07 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
Good for you! There's no reason for you to be friends with your (former) mother-in-law. I am civil with mine, as she has a good relationship with the kids. WH was another one to tell his mom everything. She was a BW herself, but she still supports her son. She would never tell me if she disapproved, and I don't care.
Don't worry about what your MIL thinks. WH is responsible for keeping the kids in touch with his mom. There's an adjustment period where you have to get used to various in laws no longer being a part of your family.
BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism
tabitha95 ( member #22033) posted at 5:49 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
I broke off from all of his family after we separated. It wasn't healthy for me. It works for some people to stay in contact, but for me, under the context of why the M ended, no way.
This part of your message concerns me
"one of the reasons he had an affair was that he felt since we first became patents he loved my son more than me and felt guilty about it."
Are you still thinking that is a valid reason? Why when they feel guilt would they cheat? To feel more guilt.
BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).
dindy (original poster member #38424) posted at 6:50 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
tabitha95 I don't believe this is a valid reason at all. He also tried to claim I pushed him away which is untrue. I did say to him via text that he could convince himself that our relationship was shit and that I pushed him away if it helps him to justify his actions. He is an extremely cowardly person and I don't think he can be honest even with himself.
I'm so glad I texted his mum this morning as I know for a fact that she would have supported whatever he said to her.
If my son comes to me when he's older and confesses that he has had an affair I will be asking him why he was telling me and not the mother of his children and the woman he asked to marry. That is the difference between me and his mother and why I don't want contact with her.
nolight ( member #32785) posted at 8:01 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
I have done the same thing, to me it was severing another chain that kept me to exH who seems to think its appropriate to from in and out of my life.
It must be hard for you with children to keep the break clean but I think that any step that minimises your pain and exposure to triggers is a positive one for you to move forward.
We make our own fortunes and call them fate, and what better excuse to choose a path then to insist it's our destiny.
dindy (original poster member #38424) posted at 8:22 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
Thank you nolight, I do think it will help me with triggers and with healing. Also, I don't want to be in contact with anyone who supports what my xWS did.
tabitha95 ( member #22033) posted at 9:22 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
I'm glad you aren't giving him an out with these lame excuses of his. Unfortunately, his mother is probably taking every lie and excuse as gospel.
My ex-MIL told EX when we were engaged that I was "taking him away from her". He was 26 years old and in a Master's program...he wasn't a child. I think you can guess how she treated me. She was so evil after d-day #2. She blamed me for EVERYTHING!!!! I was bad at everything.
BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).
dindy (original poster member #38424) posted at 8:32 AM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013
tabith95 it sounds like you are well lucky to be away from your xMIL then, good for you!
xWS's mother idolises him. There have been so many time throughout our relationship that she has cut me off from a deep conversation because he walked into the room. It's so rude! Don't get me wrong she's a great woman but has always put herself last to her husband and to her sons. There have been times that her husband has talked to her like she is a piece of shit in front if everyone and she has said nothing. No way will my kids ever see me being spoken to by a man like that. What kind of view of a woman is that to give to your kids?
I wish her well and I know she will be a great grandmother to my children, but on xWS's time and not mine.
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